Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hello everyone, I need some help please,
I am a heterosexual female in a relationship with a heterosexual male who has a lesbian friend he calls his sister. She is the younger sister of his ex girlfriend.
They say they are brother and sister but she sends him nude photos of women she finds attractive, tells him in detail about her sex life, they talk in private on the phone, he sends her pretty much everything he sends me on the phone (daily life activities) he texts her not me when he goes out on the town (updates about his night) she has nude lesbian photos on the tv on slide show when she visits from out of town and he told me never to come between them.
The day I met her she told me how she got a girl to squirt. I told my boyfriend after meeting her that I didn't think that was the most appropriate conversation as it was intimate but I said it truly not being judgemental. I personally don't feel the need to share sexual details with others. He told her what I said and she has been nasty to me ever since and he was really mean and angry at me.
He says she's only interested in women but she will have a threesome (2 girls, one boy) to get sex with another girl.
If I say my feelings that I'm uncomfortable about it, as I have done before he gets wild at me. One time I got really drunk and texted him that they should just go ahead and f..k each other again (though I have no idea whether they have) as I was getting insecure and emotional about them. He said, how dare I accuse him of having sex with his sister.
He has asked me to marry him and I have kept my mouth shut about my feelings regarding the two of them, since the first time I said anything (if I say anything then he shuts me down and I don't get any updates about her, even that they have spoken on the phone)
I can't work out whether I'm wrong to feel threatened by their relationship. I always consider how the other person feels because I genuinely want to understand how and what is going on.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
She seems to be an interloper into their relationship ..... Yes he needs to take a stand and put on his big boy pants but she's an agitator IMHO and I may be wrong
Another thing is - he can’t be a support to you. If anything, he will actually destroy you later, because he knows that you are feeling weak.
I have a question for you - and think about this really hard- what do you have that he wants ?
I feel like you are following my footsteps from my last bad relationship. Lies, inappropriate things, break up and reconciliation. I was in a very sick. He came back during that period. I wanted to believe it was because of love and he did take care of me in time of need, but he did it because I had something he wanted.
So, if we pretend for a minute that he doesn’t love you, what do you have that he wants ?
Is it good credit? Money? Property? Connections ?
Think hard, because if you marry him, he will take everything you have.
This relationship has so many fatal cracks that you're arguing within yourself which is the worst when any one of them should be enough to leave.
BUT! when I realized that if I do not care for me and my feelings, no one else will, I began to realize that I had boundaries. My first boundary I've titled it "feeling good''. I do not give a fuck if I come across over reactive, selfish or whatever else. IF I do not feel good about something I respect that feeling of mine. If the other person does not respect it, it simply means that we are not channeling under the same frequency. Thereafter, if I decide to stay and struggle to change another person it's on me.
There is a huge difference on working out on issues in a relationship and trying to change someone else's beliefs and values.
I have decided to see things for what they are.
The main questions for you are: Do you trust him as a human being? (how can you if he told her about your conversation?)
Do you feel safe in this relationship?
Do you feel free to express what you like and don't like? and know that the other person although he may not always agree with you, nevertheless he will respect your feelings?
If you think that marriage will change any discomfort in your relationship think again. He is giving you clear signs of what you are about to enter.
Take your time before you decide that!
Sending you lots of love and peace!
There is nothing wrong with having friendships. There is something wrong when it’s an alliance that trumps the feelings of your partner.
This again has nothing to do with her being a lesbian. Neither the guy or this woman have respect for his relationship. She is part of the problem, but because he won’t set boundaries with her or even himself it seems, he’s the real issue. It’s easier to blame her because let’s face it; she sounds vile.
he has told you that the friendship is not negotiable, that means it comes before you.
that is clear as can be, if you see it otherwise - you are fooling yourself
it seems that you posted here because you know that to be the case, that is good, it is human nature to fool ourselves sometimes, it is human strength to realize it. I think you are pretty strong to want to pop that balloon. do it, you are a person of exquisite value. anyone that claims to love you should treat you as such.
accept no less
Also, just because she's sexually adventurous doesn't make her a bad person or a whore. What on earth, people?!
She's used to confiding in the OP's boyfriend, she mistakenly assumed that the OP would be open to hearing about her exploits. That tells me that she was seeing the OP as an open and liberal extension of the boyfriend. That was a bit much of info to disclose on a first meeting, but some people have no filter.
Now that folks are starting to realize that the lesbian sister is not the real issue, I would like to delve further.
OP, has your bf cheated on you? If so, that's a bigger red flag than this friendship.
I saw somewhere that he flirts with women in front of you? Can you detail a bit what the flirting consists of?
To me, it's not abnormal to stay friends with a past lover, although I don't talk sexually with them. My now best friend was my first real same sex love. We are besties, but no sex. Totally platonic.
I'll wait for more details, but it sounds like you and this guy are very different from each other. Bear in mind that if you don't have similar sexual values, ie: drive, kink level, etc. , you will both be very unhappy.
"white lies" jumped out.
white lies are only innocent when i ask you if these glasses make me look balder and you say "no"
any kind of lie other than that is not innocent
he is a best deceitful
deceitful people are not to be trusted
you will only experience pain by trusting him with your heart