Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hello everyone, I need some help please,
I am a heterosexual female in a relationship with a heterosexual male who has a lesbian friend he calls his sister. She is the younger sister of his ex girlfriend.
They say they are brother and sister but she sends him nude photos of women she finds attractive, tells him in detail about her sex life, they talk in private on the phone, he sends her pretty much everything he sends me on the phone (daily life activities) he texts her not me when he goes out on the town (updates about his night) she has nude lesbian photos on the tv on slide show when she visits from out of town and he told me never to come between them.
The day I met her she told me how she got a girl to squirt. I told my boyfriend after meeting her that I didn't think that was the most appropriate conversation as it was intimate but I said it truly not being judgemental. I personally don't feel the need to share sexual details with others. He told her what I said and she has been nasty to me ever since and he was really mean and angry at me.
He says she's only interested in women but she will have a threesome (2 girls, one boy) to get sex with another girl.
If I say my feelings that I'm uncomfortable about it, as I have done before he gets wild at me. One time I got really drunk and texted him that they should just go ahead and f..k each other again (though I have no idea whether they have) as I was getting insecure and emotional about them. He said, how dare I accuse him of having sex with his sister.
He has asked me to marry him and I have kept my mouth shut about my feelings regarding the two of them, since the first time I said anything (if I say anything then he shuts me down and I don't get any updates about her, even that they have spoken on the phone)
I can't work out whether I'm wrong to feel threatened by their relationship. I always consider how the other person feels because I genuinely want to understand how and what is going on.
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
It is a really crappy choice to make to myself if I don't say anything. Two people have asked me "Do you trust him?" He tells white lies regularly and it drives me nuts because I would rather offend someone with the truth than try and remember a lie/s for the rest of my life!
If he doesn't want to lose me, I am worried he will just tell me lies. I have major trust issues, which is why I posted here to get clarity about my feelings.
My head tells me I'm nuts staying with him but my heart tells me really dumb stuff. It's the same story for alot of people who have low self-esteem in my opinion. I hate the loneliness and depression I'm still dealing with and I exhausted my friends with my sadness when we broke up the first time and I still wasn't over him when he came back into my life. I broke it off the first time but he has done a real turn around this time and treats me much better but the nagging thoughts about the lesbian are still with me. My ex husband had an affair with a male prostitute and I found out at 7 months with our second child. That was 9 years ago and I am in therapy dealing with that along with ptsd from the emotional and financial trauma that came with it. I could hear myself saying "I just want to be loved" when I met this current boyfriend. I should be saying fiancee but I can't bring myself to say it.
I think you should never discount your instincts. Never.
Please don’t marry this man any time soon. Keep working through your stuff, get stronger and stronger. I think at some point once you are less vulnerable, you will have the ability to say, fuck this shit and walk away. He’s never going to be completely emotionally available to you with his rather disturbing relationship with his friend.
My sister and I have identical issues in relationships and we linked to to mommy/daddy issues.
They treated us like we did not matter. They say they loved us, but their actions showed an absolute opposite. Very confusing when your enemy processes love for you.
As a child, you just can’t analyze it. Then it transfers into adulthood.
AND I thought she was a lesbian....
You've written that she would sleep with him??
Huge boundaries issues.... HUGE!!
I wouldn't tolerate this crap... No way.... I would have a really blunt discussion with him if you want to try and work out your problems
Some of what is going on isn't reasonable at all IMHO..... It's seems like she sees you as a threat and wants to come between the two of you? No?
SunCloudJD, I am paranoid that because she acts the way she does that she is capable of sleeping with him or any man but I'm only assuming.
Thankyou, these posts from you all remind me of when and why I was stronger about my morals and instincts.
I feel like I am standing just a little taller today.
This is my first forum of any kind and I'm glad I found DS and the people on it.
Happy Days for us all please.
My ex bf has all these female “friends” who would flirt with him and say inappropriate things. I was very upset and had multiple conversations about it. He would always say the same thing : I ve been friends with them for years, you are being insecure, you are controlling me, just because I talk to them, it doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them.
It was all BS. Someone told me one day when I complained about this - some people have so many “ friends” and he either slept with them or thinking about sleeping with them, when you two break up.
I m not saying he will, but his behaviors are certainly indicative of it - lying all the time, you feeling extremely insecure, inappropriate friendships.
Btw - why did you break up before ?
What happened then?
Everyone told me I was stupid getting back with him but he sold it to me really well this time round but the baseline of his personality remains. I'm not rescuing him but love the positive side to his character and he has had a hard upbringing. I believe in people trying to be better when they say that they are trying to better themselves and I know I'm working out whether he's capable of changing his values/life for the better but everyone has told me he is unable to change, including the psychologist. I don't want to be alone because I was really suffering on my own. I have pretty much no support network besides the psychologist and I have exhausted my friends with my repetitive situation. I can understand how they feel and don't want to always be sad around them. It's a hard road to be on. It's amazing how much better I feel when I am given true unbiased support where my emotions are not judged by others. I really struggle with judgement from others.
You were suffering on your own but you are also suffering now, with someone. It’s just different suffering. At least by yourself you only have you to contend with. Now you are dealing with his BS and your stuff. How exhausting.
Many people come from horrible upbringings. It explains a lot about why some does what they do but other than that, it doesn’t mean you have get engaged to them or put up with nonsense. Pity is not a substitue for love.
It sounds like you are kinder to him than you are to yourself. Put all that kindness back into yourself. You are worth it more than he is.
Biggest hug of gratitude from me to you all.