I completely understand how you're feeling. I have the same intrusive thoughts and it has been especially hard during my current relationship to not let these thoughts turn me into a jealous, paranoid, suspicious unhappy person. Nobody wants to be with someone who is always upset. This leads to nagging and arguing, and it takes the fun out of the relationship completely. But unlike what I've done in the past, which is not being honest and authentic about my feelings, I've actually talked to my boyfriend about how I feel. How I get in relationships, because I have been hurt and abandoned so many times. My therapist told me that being authentic and real is the best way to grow closer and have a more real relationship. It was true, he fell for my authentic self, and talking to him about my fears and insecurities helped so much. He was understanding and has helped me during those times when I needed reassurance. Sure, he isn't perfect and he doesn't make me completely happy but, he listened and understood and it definitely drew us closer together. It helped me to feel more comfortable with him, by being honest.

Now, this isn't to say that being honest about these things will work with everyone. Some guys would get completely turned off by this honesty and run. Other guys would listen but not help. But there are others who will care and want to help. It truly depends on the kind of person he is. If he loves you, he will listen, he will want to help you and give you reassurance when needed....as long as it isn't out of hand, every second of every day. I'd say, do what would make you comfortable. Keeping this stuff to yourself may be a good idea to some, but being honest is a great way to grow your relationship and strengthen your bond. But ultimately, these insecurities aren't things for your boyfriend to fix for you. These are things that you need to work on yourself. Trust me, I know. I spent my whole life wanting someone else to fix my issues, to heal my wounds and remove my insecurities....but that never, ever works. You must learn to value and love yourself first. Therapy has helped me a ton and I recommend therapy wholeheartedly.

Good luck :)

I just wanted to say you sound like me. It definitely comes from a former place of insecurity and unresolved issues. I think you should be honest and open. Does he know you have anxiety problems? I think my biggest problem is I get upset especially when I try to suppress those feelings. I get accusatory and angry so hopefully you don't have that problem. If you could approach him in a calm way and say exactly what you said here I think you will feel better. But maybe you are looking for him to change his behavior towards you?

Wow - reading your issues was like reading a page out of my own diary. I often feel like that as well! And it's crazy and so utterly frustrating to need reassurance ever so often. I'm very open with my boyfriend, and while he can definitely improvement on my end, it makes him frustrated to have to deal with my anxieties and fears just because he didn't respond to my message right away.