I know this is stupid, but after not being able to find a job after graduation for almost two years, I ended up just taking an online teaching job because I couldn't find anything in my field. I was trying to get out of teaching and I feel so devastated. I felt this crushing feeling when I signed the paperwork and when I was in the meetings. I know that sounds so dramatic but it is how I felt. It is the EXACT outcome I was looking to avoid by going back to college and getting another degree. I just felt so hopeless when I started this week. There is some wording that says if I quit before the schoolyear is over, for whatever reason, if I find another job or anything (the wording states that I am at will and they can terminate me or I can choose to leave) but that I must give a 30 day notice, or they can sue me for a sixth of the salary.

I saw a job in my field that is entry level and pays at least 20K more than this and I would like to apply for it and I feel really guilty. Who knows if they would call me. I was in bed extremely depressed yesterday but today I got up and went to church, worked out and got groceries. I am so confused about the platforms and the content. I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I hope I don't bomb tomorrow or get myself let go from this becuase I didn't have much on ramp time. Friday was a pay day and I didn't get paid because I just started, a pay day is coming up, I am overdrawn on everything, I'm hungry all the time, I feel bewildered all the time, my thoughts are fragmented. Sometimes I feel like I need to be in a hospital.