To me very important.

I have a mortgage. I like having the ability to do what I want when I want, I need someone that can keep up with me. I need to be with someone that understands my struggles.

I am finding myself now financially dependent on my partner because of my situation.. I dont like it, because we used to be equals.
My goal is to have this be a temporary issue until i recover.

I think financial equality is important, but if i really like someone with financial issues i would want to see that they are working towards a goal of i proving that situation with a set time limit ( like - going to school or actively climbing up the ladder at work) and do not suddenly go from living on a shoestring budget to expecting you to provide him with things he cant afford on regular basis and completely forgetting how to be frugal.
If i was in your situation and really liked the person, i d also accept barter. If a man is not making enough money, it would be nice of him to help me pit with stuff at home that otherwise would cost me a lot of money.
For example - if you want to take him on vacation and pay for it - fine, but if he is a decent human being he would offer to fix your car or do a home improvement project without you asking for it.

Aronia it is funny you say that.

He was at my house Saturday night and my toilet was acting up.
It was refilling REAL slow after flushing.
He said "Maybe it needs a new flush kit".
But he did nothing.

I had to call my brother to come over and do it.

hhhmmmmm....

If you just started dating, idk if i would be concerned about the toilet situation, but if you are already shelling out money for your dates, he should have said: " let me help you. I will come over and fix it. I have no money for parts, but if i will give you all that i can give in terms of time and labor to make your life easier "

Pretty damned important. Financial stability = emotional stability in my opinion.

When I have money ahead, I feel like my soul can breathe and my mind can think better, of more important things, like love and beauty.

I agree, they don't have to be millionaires; they just have to be making a little more than what is going out for bills. It really does create a cushion of comfort.

And, with money ahead, we can be TIME ahead, and can be in a position to take time off from work to take a vacation if we want. If we're always behind the 8-ball financially and we're also always working, just barely making living expenses and maybe behind on a couple living expenses, forget it, that's working poor, constantly living in fear and being a slave.

That said, desperate times, desperate measures. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, onetoomany, to have found a job that pays well enough to live on. I will agree that this doesn't mean you have to allow their stress into your life.

Financial stability is important to alot of people and with good reason. 95% of all arguments in a relationship are over money issues. (I read that somewhere.)

Peace!

Thanks, bob. Yeah, I read that too. 95% of arguments over money are really arguments over HOW money should be ALLOCATED. Therefore, arguments about money are really struggles over power and control.

If two people are intelligent and sensible, they should be able to sit down and look at the numbers on paper as to how much is coming in versus how much is going out, and budget accordingly.

What sucks and is sad and sickening is when two people can see where they need to be and yet both needlessly suffer because neither has the money to make ends meet, because the jobs they are able to get pay shit.

Living well below poverty level is of course not a formula for a healthy, happy relationship! Therefore, yes, the numbers need to be up there at a high enough level to live on, with a little breathing room, cush, savings, to spare.

Aronia~

We have been seeing each other about 2 months now.
We take turns buying when we go out and now that he can't drive due to DUI I have been doing all the driving.

I believe some issues can be dealt with or explained with good reason. I also believe that financial security (stable), is a major factor for making life much simpler and reaching future goals. Someone doesn't need to have a big bank account to be happy, but to share in the similar goals and to be consistent. Struggles will come along, but as a team, much can be overcome. I would hope that at this age, we as individuals or possible relationships, would have learned from the past and well on track to making good decisions. As you may know, financial stress can stretch relationships to the limit.

He filed bankruptcy in 2001 when he got divorced.
Has a big bill from his DUI he just got and was just in hospital and has no health insurance.
Had to ask his mom to help him out.

Not a good situation.

that would be kinda tough. The bankruptcy thing, I think I could get past. While I've never filed, I know a lot of people have (and it's always revolved around divorce). Two of the guys I dated, filed, which gave me some initial pause, but both of their cases it made sense..

The medical bill/ no insurance thing, would scare me, but I also know health care in our country stinks, hence I think I could over look this too (this is another common reason for people ot file bankruptcy).

The car thing, I don't think I could overlook that. A potential date, has to have a car, and be able to afford to put gas in it. I've dated a couple guys in both these situations, and they expected me to do all the driving. Which got old quick!! They have to meet me half way.

They also need to have their own place (not live with mom/ dad, or an ex).

I am willing to pay my way on a date, but not willing to way their way (unless we're taking turns-footing the bill). If money is tight, then let's do something that is free (like go on a hike)!

Other than that, that's about it! I am 45 years old, and I think these are reasonable expectations (especially considering, I'm happy by myself lol!).

Aside from all the obvious issues that this guy has why do you think that you are with him? What is it about him that you like?

MTZ3, he does have a car. Well an old truck actually.
But he can't drive it due to his license being taken away because of DUI.

Daisygirl......he is sweet and nice to me.

Okay...don't take this the wrong way and I mean no disrespect.

Why when you are a recovering alcoholic would you want to be with someone that just got a DUI ? Why would you want to be with someone that drinks and obviously used poor judgement and got behind the wheel of a vehicle after he drank and put everyone's life at risk that was driving aside from his own? That in itself is a huge red flag. I am not saying he is not "nice" to you. But he lacks good judgment and it wasn't so "nice" when he totally ignored your comment about the toilet. There are a lot of people that are "nice" but that doesn't mean that they are dating material. I mean he cannot even drive and pick you up to take you on a date because HE got behind the wheel of his vehicle after he was drinking. That would really concern me. How old is he and does he work? If he works how does he get to work each day if he cannot drive? Is this the kind of person you can see a future with or are you just having fun for now with him. Just asking and not judging. It just seems to me that you always say to not settle and you seem like a very string person and have been thru a lot and I would think that you would not put up with that crap from a guy. Make sense? But if you are happy with him then I wish you the best. Also when will he get his license back and does he have to attend alcohol classes to get that back? Do you really want to date someone that drinks being a recovering alcoholic? All up to you but important things to think about. Take care! :)