I meant STRONG not string...lol

yeah, I realize that, and it happened after you started dating. I get that. I guess I brought it up, mostly because this is one of those things, I was nice about (empathetic), and got burnt out on it, and no longer willing to negotiate it anymore.

Do you (or he) know when he'll get his license back? How far do you live apart? That would factor in my decision, the license thing were say only a month (or two), and he lives close (less than 20 min away), I could maybe deal. But then, I'm not sure that I'd date someone who recently got a DUI (which is kinda besides the point).

It's important to me as well. I've come from a severely traumatic background yet managed to secure a great career in the federal govt and own my own home, drive a nice car, etc. I feel like if I can overcome my past and be successful, I should be able to find a man who's done the same.

I also see financial stability as being connected with emotional stability but not always. I've met some men who make good money but aren't responsible enough to spend it wisely.

The men I've dated have never been financially stable and I end up having to take care of everything and that's what I'm trying to avoid. My general rule of thumb now is that I only want to date a man who makes at least what I make.

Hi again!

Okay I will answer all questions you posed:

I think the whole DUI thing was just a fluke. He told me he is not really a drinker...he has like 1 or 2 once in a while.
Never gets drunk etc...
The friday before labor day weekend he went to a Sports Bar with friends and had 3 beers over a 2 hour period.
On his way home (probably because of Holiday weekend) he got pulled over. Cop said he was left of center he says he was not.
They wanted to do Breathalizer but he refused because that is what his friends told him to do.
So they cuffed him and took him to police station and he was out in 34 minutes.
They took license away.
So I just chalked it up to a fluke that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Am I naive to think that?
He never drinks around me at all.
He is 44, yes he has a job.
He may get his license back the 30th of this month he has to go back to court to find out. He has to do one of those weekends at a hotel for DUI people.
He gets rides to and from work from either his kids or his friends at work.
No I don't necessarily see long term with him. Just dating.
We live 30 minutes apart so it is a bit of a pain. I burn a lot of gas.

Has he ever offered to give you money for the gas with you doing all the driving?

I would think that is the least he could do and that is what he should be doing.

Something just doesn't seem right to me about him.

If you say he is nice then he probably is nice but the whole DUI thing is a huge red flag to me. Just saying.

So you see no future with him and you are just dating him.

Well it is up to you what you decide to do. It sounds to me like you are just killing time until someone better comes along.

Why would you want to just date someone that you see no future with? What does that mean? Not real sure but have fun whatever you decide to do and be safe.

Nope no gas money is offered.
And we still take turns buying dinner.

So you don't think it is rude that he doesn't even offer to pay for gas money? Also it sounds to me like friends and not dating. I would think that a guy in his 40's would pay for your dinner each time and that is the very least he can do if you are doing all the driving and picking him up and taking him home plus to not even offer to give you gas money is really questionable in my opinion. Not very considerate.

Yes, I think you may be a little naive on the drinking thing. Speaking as someone who recently dated a closet alcoholic, I can see the possibility that his whole story is just a shade of the truth and he's lying to you (and likely himself as well).

I say ditch the loser. While you're spending time with this guy, you're not spending time with other great guys. I know it's not so easy to find a great guy, but I think you get my point.

SheByTheSea,

I agree with you totally. I say dump him too. Sounds like a loser.

What is up with having you pay for your own dinner AND picking him up too and taking him home and he doesn't even offer to give you gas money. It isn't even the money. It is the fact that he doesn't even offer.

That is just so frickin rude. Then pay for your own meal too?

No thanks! We are not in High School anymore. A man is supposed to take a lady out to dinner and pay for it. That is the least he can do for you.

Saturday the plan was his son would drive him to my house and then in the Morning on Sunday I would drop him off downtown for the Browns Game and that is much closer to me than where he lives so it would save me gas money. But come Sunday morning he wanted me to just drive him home instead. So it was an hour round trip and he did not offer me any money at all for gas.

Wanted to chime in. Haven't read all posts, but thought I'd give a guys view of this.

Is this a FWB relationship then? What kind of job does he have? Finance is very important and can ruin relationships. If you are fine with what you got going then enjoy yourself like Daisygirl said. But he can be the gold digger in this set up. I think he should be paying for more then you. He is still the man, and I believe in treating the woman when it comes to going out.

No this is not FWB.

He works in the office of a trucking company.

I know what you're saying about the time it takes to make those trips, and gas money. You also are spending much more time in the car than he is, and gas money, hence he maybe doesn't get it. Which is part of why it's such a stickler issue for me.

But at least the 30th is coming up quick!

I think financial stability is important and equally important is being financially responsible.


Personally I think he is taking advantage of your kindness.
I don't like it at all and I would take a step back and think about things.

If he truly wants to see you and be with you then he needs to find a way to get to you. Let him have someone drive him to see you and have someone pick him up. Otherwise he needs to start giving you money for gas AND paying for dinner when he takes you out.

Otherwise it is just a dinner with a friend. That is not dating in my opinion. I can buy my own dinner. I don't need to go out with a guy to do that and pick him up too. No thank you.

Very.


I pay my bills on time, I make sure I have a roof, clothes, food and my son is taken care of.

I expect that if I wanted to date, the man I dated would have his act together.

I will not pick up someone's slack, take on their debt, or let someone live off me.