@DreamsOfHope I know how you feel. Some days I feel the same way. I put up a post a while ago about relationships. I had a lot of feedback that was super positive and helpful. Please feel free to search it out under my name: nhawkes. If you can not find it please feel free to PM me and I will dig it up for you.

I am very sorry for what has happened to you in the past. No one should be harassing you and trying to black mail you like they did. If they tried that to me, I would be speaking to my lawyer ASAP! even if it is just to check on my legal options.

Just remember that we here on this board are here to help you in any way we can and will not judge you in any way. Some of us like myself are in your situation or have been there.

Hi. I have just joined but I'm not sure if this site if for America only? I am in the UK.

Its great to have found a site where I hopefully won't feel judged about my situation.

For two years I have been in a long-distance relationship with a SO. I know absolutely everything about what he did, have seen all his documents, spoken to his PO etc. I believe he regrets what he did and wants to be able to move on with his life.

However, I have children and because of this I am banned from bringing them into contact with him, even though he has absolutely no restrictions on being around children and he does see his own child relatives. I am saddened by this because it means we can only ever keep our relationship as it is - long distance and away from my children.

Everybody thinks I am crazy but I absolutely adore this man and if our relationship has to be this way I accept it. No, its not ideal, but its what I want.

Sorry for bumping up and ancient thread but its so difficult to find support for this sort of issue and it was refreshing to stumble upon you lot!

Welcome pinky, as we always say: sorry you need us but glad you found us. Most people on here are from the U.S. But we do have some people from Austrailia and some from across the pond in the UK.

Are your children forbidden to be around him by law even if you guys got married?

Welcome Pinky....

Well yes. I am currently married to a man who is incarcerated for a sex crime. He proclaims his innocence and yes I do believe him when he says he is innocent. You cannot judge someone due to a name but based on his or her character. I will always love my husband and I only will base my opinion on what I think not anyone else. I dont believe that everyone on the registry should be labeled a sex offender. I love my husband and will always stand by his side.

Hi Independent - I have no idea how it works because its still all quite new to me. My children have been put in a child protection plan because Children's Services have deemed them at risk of sexual abuse and the children's father took me to court and got a prohibited steps order to prevent me bringing the children into contact with him. I imagine if I got married to him they would just remove the children from my care which is definitely not something I want! He comes off the Sex Offenders Register in three years so I have no idea what will happen then, although Children's Services said they would still be concerned because he would still have his convictions.

His offences are 1 count of grooming and 3 counts of sexual activity with a child - she was 10 days off her 16th birthday and they had a week long relationship before her parents found out and called the police. Had he waited a few more days he wouldn't have committed a crime! He served a year in prison and another year on probation and was put on the SOR for ten years.

I personally do not feel he is a risk to my children but even so I wouldn't ever leave him alone with them if he were allowed contact because I wouldn't even want anybody to even suspect he could be harming them. However, we have completely accepted we could never live together but would like to be able to meet a cafes or have him visit with me present because its getting stupidly expensive arranging childcare every time we want to meet up! Its a long distance relationship so when we meet one of us has to travel for six hours so its not like we can meet up for a few hours if I got a babysitter. It has to be a meeting over several days.

I feel judged by everybody for my choice of relationship and nobody seems to understand. He isn't a monster. He took a stupid risk and got caught. He didn't force himself onto anybody and his victim was happy to go along with it - in fact she chased him but in law a 15 year old isn't old enough to consent and so he as the adult should have known better. But still, there are people who have done far worse things.

We would love to get married and if we thought it would help the situation we could definitely consider it but I'm pretty certain they would just take my children away from me and as much as I love him that isn't an option I am willing to consider. However, I'd love to be able to either move nearer to him or for him to be able to move nearer to me and to be able to have a semi-normal relationship which doesn't have to be kept entirely away from my children (who are all under 10 years of age).

Nicole - that's lovely. Sad, but lovely. Nobody here is interested in who my partner is though. They are only interested in a few words on a computer database which detail his offences. Nobody cares that he has been punished. Nobody thinks he can have learnt from his mistakes. Everybody assumes he did it once and he will do it again. He just wants to move on with his life and I know from the many conversations we have had over the past two years that he just wants to be given the chance to do that and absolutely will not throw away what life he has left by repeating his silly mistakes.

Everybody makes me feel like I am the one who has committed the crime because I want to continue my relationship with him. I am not a bad person and I don't believe he is either. We only want to be happy, with each other, but everybody thinks he is just using me to get at my children. He has never met them by the way, in the whole of the two years we have been together.

Anyway thanks for the welcome and for listening to me going on about my issues!

You may want to talk to a lawyer and see what your legal options are. It is a very difficult situation, I'm sorry!

I find out on Wednesday whether I get to keep my children. Everybody sees me as an unfit mother because I have chosen to continue my relationship with my partner. I have said I will keep him away from the children but nobody believes me or wants to take that risk.

After Wednesday - and it may take some time - I will be in a position to consider whether or how our relationship could progress. In the meantime I'm just dreading being in court and hearing the final judgment.

Do you have good legal representation?

That's just insane that your ex is pushing it this far, I'm so sorry!

I hope I have good legal representation but only time will tell, I guess!

The thing I find frustrating is that nobody is prepared to suggest that my partner might just have learnt from his mistakes. I have been told repeatedly that these sort of criminals go on to re-offend and that he probably is only interested in me to get to my children. His victim was 15 and my children are far far younger than that. He has no convictions against pre-pubescents. He isn't even allowed in my house in case he should try to plant cameras in their bedrooms. Nobody wants to be the person who says "give him a chance" just in case because then it falls back on then if something bad should happen. But this is our lives they are screwing with. We are sensible. We wouldn't even put the children in a position whereby anybody would even suggest anything bad could be happening. We just want to be able to continue meeting up and being happy in each other's company which is all we have been doing for the past two years!

Anyway, I've driven this thread off-topic!

He had a consensual relationship with someone who wasn't legal so what he did was illegal but it's not as if this was a "child" in the developmental sense. It's not as if he was 40 doing this, he was as a teenager. And at 15, 10 days short of 16 she presumably would be in stage IV or V of the tanner development scale. She does not look like a child physically. We are opening up Pandora's box if we say being attracted to someone who is sexually mature is something to be punished for the rest of their life for. I mean growing up I remember a young Britney Spears, how many men can say they weren't attracted to her? Does that make them a pedophile since she was developed but underage? No!

There needs to be separation between people who are attracted to pre-pubescent children, and people that aren't. Calling them both pedophiles is factually inaccurate and confuses the issue for everyone involved. I'm not saying it's okay to be a statutory rapist, but these are completely separate issues.

Yep, that's what I have been saying all along. Its not fair that all SOs are lumped into one basket. There is no categorizing. They are all treated as having done something equally wrong. Your point about Britney Spears is something I have also considered. Even the media tempts us to be interested in young "illegal" women by forcing sexualised images of them into our faces before they are old enough.

However I do need to correct you - my partner was in his 30's when he had the relationship. Because he knew her age after the first time and still continued to meet her twice more he was seen as having groomed her. He knew it was wrong but still took the risk. He was at a low point in his life and was flattered by this attractive girl's advances. But he has been sentenced and punished and will have to live with this for the rest of his life. He just wants to be able to have a semi-normal relationship with me. He has no restrictions on being around children at all. He even sees his young relatives. Yet I am not allowed to even meet him in a public place such as a cafe with my children.

Many people make mistakes in life but it seems that it is only SOs that are never ever allowed to learn from their mistakes and move on.

On Wednesday I am just going to have to swear he will never have contact with my children. However, he comes off the SOR in 2017 so I have no idea what happens after that. He will still have his convictions after all. He won't suddenly stop being a risk in two years' time.

I have so much to say on this because I've kept so much in for so long for fear of being judged so excuse me if I can't seem to stop talking!

4 years ago I would have said no. Now I am engaged to one. He def opened my mind about sex offenders in general. Question for all of you. But how did your family take the news

How did yiur Family take the news about you dating/marrying a rso?