I hope it works out Nathan. A girl like that is rare...I'm sure you know that.

Ya i do know had a few good ones

I know this topic is slightly old but I found it when I was looking for advice about dating a sex offender or dating as one. I recently met a guy who is absolutely amazing we have a lot of the same interests and just has the most amazing personality. After getting to know one another he finally told me he was a sex offender and about his crime. It didn't phase me. I was raised to never judge someone for what happened in there past. I haven't exactly had the most amazing past myself but it made me the person I am today and that it someone I'm quite proud of. Anyways he is on extended supervision and he has all these rules to follow. I was supposed to meet with his P.O. yesterday so she could explain all the rules to me. She called me to cancel on me and said she would like us to continue as friends and we could revisit the topic of a relationship in a month after we got to know each other better and I had time for all of this to sink in. The problem I have is there were no clear guidelines as to what we can and cannot do as friends. Are we allowed to hang out at each others places? The only obvious rule to me is that we cannot have sex which I wasn't planning to jump into having sex with him anyways. I feel as though they are almost setting him up to fail with there vague explanations. So out of all of this I'm wondering if any of you have dated a RSOF on extended supervision or are a RSOF and dated someone while on extended supervision? What kinds of hoops did you have to jump through? What rules did they give you to follow? Oh and lastly after reading this whole thread Nathan how are you and the new girl doing?

I am from WI and figured you probably were to considering you were using the term "Extended Supervision" which seems to be mainly a Wisconsin term.

My husband is on extended supervision. He has been for about 2 years now. I believe we are the exception rather than the rule due to the fact that we live in a rural area and he has been rated very low risk. So we are bothered little by those DOC folk. We also live 40 mins from the PO offices for the county we are in so getting over to us is more of a chore than something they can easily accomplish.

Much of what you are asking will depend on the PO that your man is dealing with. It has been my experience that relationships will progress as they will progress regardless of what others try to dictate. If you have small children things will be tricky, if you do not, it won't be nearly as bad as they would like to scare you in to thinking.

First of all, what is your man's 'risk' according to the DOC? (it is irrelevant to who they are and their actual dangerousness, that rating seems to be based more on things like treatment completion, if they are on GPS or not, if they have a full-time job, do they live on their own, etc....) I know some folks that are considered high risk GPS lifetime wearers and they are no more dangerous than anyone else in this world. But I digress...

Things you'll have to deal with, if the relationship is approved he will never be able to sleep at your house, because the lawmakers think that where an offender sleeps has something to do with whether or not they will offend. :) a little humor... :) Still you'll have to stay there rather than him stay over by you. Much of his freedoms with you will depend on his risk rating and the tenaciousness of his PO. Some will get right in an offenders business and want every gory detail... While others will allow the offender their privacy, but still want to know if the functions that they will be going to will have children, etc... you know...

What might help you is to become a chaperon. There isn't any mandatory state classes that one needs to take like in other states, but they will want to talk to you about it before they make you one. What they are going to need to believe from you when you interview with them is that you will turn them in, in a heartbeat if they were to touch a kid again. I think when they asked me about it looked like I would kill him and said with my tone the same thing when answering the questions. They will want to know that he disclosed everything about his crime to you. This is under the thought process that they can't hide from their crime, my only question to that is when does it stop being hiding and becomes moving forward? Again, I digress... :)

POs are notorious for being late, cancelling and standing you up entirely with no note, no call, no nothing and then are amazed that you are even remotely upset about it because it is just plain unprofessional in the 'real world'. The DOC is under a lot of scrutiny here in WI by a whole bunch of folks both private organizations and some of the representatives in WI. So don't be surprised that she will cancel on you several more times. What I have found is that the further you get from the metro areas the better this kind of thing gets...

You can find out a lot about the rules that both you and he will face by reading their manual.. :) they have it posted online for your perusal.
http://doc.wi.gov/Community-Resources/Probation-Parole/dcc-operations-manual

visit the wisonsin site http://www.wisconsinreform.org too for some more information...

I am currently married to a SO. He is incarcerated for this crime presently. I became friends with him over 16 years ago. He adored my children and there was never an issue. When this charge arose he swore to me he was innocent.(it only took him to tell me once he was innocent, for me to believe him). Now sexual abuse on a minor is a terrible,terrible crime. I often sat and wondered to myself. after all he swore his innocence but a jury of his peers found him guilty(so there had to be some evidence) I thought about it everyday at first and I always came to the same conclusion. no matter what. Guilty or Innocent I love him. You know that old saying YOU CANT HELP WHO YOU LOVE so yes I would

i'm so glad to see this thread still going keep posting positive

I have been dating a man I love very much for just a couple months. He revealed slowly his conviction and the story of his sex offense. It was a child. And at first the story was a woman in her 20's when he was 21, and then it was a child. I found out on my own. I know it's hard to reveal these kinds of things about the truth and a charge but it started out rough in our relationship. He recently was violated on his probation/failure to register because he had some housing issues so he is facing 2 more years behind bars.
I am so torn. I have a 5 year old son. The child alleged victim was 4. He said a woman made her children make it up. That the kids even recanted and said Mommy made me say it.
But I am still very torn.
I have talked to his family, mainly his sister and she says since her children were victims of this kind of abuse that if she didn't trust him she would never let him around her kids.
His family he lived with has children in the home, young boys and his uncle has children and these people seem okay with him around his kids.
He is so gentle and kind. ANd he has such a big heart. He said he didn't tell me right away because he knew if I knew it was a child he was afraid he would lose me.
But I found out on my own as I did the first week in by searching for him because I do background checks and I want to protect my children. I didn't judge him. I believe him. But I came to terms with it being the 20+ woman and now I have to come to terms with it having been a young boy.

I am so confused and scared and I don't know what to believe. I believe his sister. I believe his uncle and his mother would never allow him in her home with her grandsons if she knew he was capable if she didn't believe him.

I guess my question is to all of you dating a rso, one you haven't known for 10 years or whatever, how do you trust him? do you believe him believe he isn't bad? how does the day to day work? we are in ohio and Kentucky. He has to register in ky but of course at some point we want to live together.

I want to protect my kids, and I don't know if the risk is worth it. However he has already been around my kids. He is great with them. But I am afraid. My best friend is realizing over the last few months her daughter was abused by paternal grandfather and her son's father. And she was abused herself by her stepfather. So she is the last person who is going to be open minded about me dating this incredible man.

I didn't bail once I found out. ANd im not gonna bail over the next two years that he's locked up but I don't know how my life will change should we ever live together and he has to register for life possibly.

I don't want to be judged and I don't want my children to be judged and I don't want him to be judged.

so what do I do? what makes you trust the man who is a rso of a child but swears he didn't do it, took a plea served his time and is still suffering for what a woman wanted. *she wanted to sleep with him and because she was his best friends wife, family almost, he turned her down. is it possible a person would drag their children through such a treacherous thing that's a lie?*

thanks for any input

Yes, people will use children to make up false accusations. Even if the kids recant, the courts won't overturn the convictions.

You want to know if you can trust this man. Based on his character, and he didn't have this label, would you fear him abusing your child. Look up grooming techniques, has he done any if that with your child? When was he convicted? If it's been several years (5+), he most likely won't reoffend, as those years are when he is most at risk of reoffense. He's going back in due to FTR, has he had any other violations?

Hopefully these questions will help you figure out if it's worth sticking it out, or if you should move on....

We haven't known each other very long. 2-3 months. No he hasn't had any grooming with my children, but hes not been around my children but 3 times. As far as "reoffending" he maintains his innocence. He was put away for ten years and has only been out for 1 1/2 years, He is going back for at least 20 months for failure to register an address. He hasn't had any other violations. The thing that bothers me the most are the lies. He lied about his name at first. I had to find out his convicted sex offender history on my own. He said it was a woman he knew who accused him of raping her, but then upon further research I discovered it was a child. He finally told the truth about what happened, but I don't know how to trust and believe someone who lied from the beginning.



I love the guy. I really do. But I know in my family and circle of friends it wont be accepted. My best friend married a man who her best friend told her he raped her, she didn't believe her friend and now she finds out this ex husband, her oldest sons father, had molested her daughter for years. she didn't believe her friend she believed her husband.

I am very torn. since hes going away for at least twenty months I have time to figure it out. I truly love him. I feel myself distancing myself though. My main priority is to protect my children. I don't think he is a bad man. But I cant wrap my head around the lies. Why not tell the truth from the beginning? He was afraid he would lose me. I feel like all the stuff he says could be a ploy to get into my life and be around my children when he gets out. But I don't want to think that way because I care about him and what if hes the real deal?

I was hoping I could get advice from this support group as I don't have a lot of people who I can talk to.

Well, I had a new lady friend, but when I told her about my "looking charge" she got cold. I understand. Now she's too busy for me. So is my life now. What can we do?

Look for signs of grooming. If your still getting to know him, he shouldn't want to be alone with your kids. That's a dangerous place for him to be (because of false allegations).
When he's released, and you want to be in his life, talk to his PO and take training on being his chaperone. You'll know what he can and cannot do, and ensure he doesn't get into trouble again.

However, if the trust isn't there, then the relationship isn't stable. Only you can make the decision on what to do. You have gotten to know him. SO's have a 2 edge sword, if they tell someone upfront about their charges, people walk away. If you wait to tell them longer in the relationship, then they feel deceived and not able to trust them....

Secondtry don't feel to bad I had a girlfriend like that sometime ago things where going great until her parents found out about us that's when they made us break up and now she hardly talks to me that's why I only tell certain people about my past I still haven't told my girlfriend yet

I met a lady and we started off as friends for over a year.....she divorced her husband and started seeing each other. At the time I didn't tell her about my past, as I've had my home egged, death notes left on my car, She had three kids and because my crime was called a "No real victim", as it was a under cover cop in a sting........I was permitted to be around kids but could not sleep over night........however, at the time i was working contract work as a programmer....I was making decent money, and the kind hear ted person I am, I was helping her family and not thinking of myself......her cousin and her boyfriend borrowed 780 USD off me.....a week later she text me asking if she could borrow another 600 USD.......I told her I could no do this, cause they never paid me for the first time I helped......she stated "Well, I know things about you.....would be a shame if it got out...." I asked her what she meant.......she said "I know things.......and you'll soon find out"........I told her this sounded like extortion......she said call it what I wanted.......two weeks later she posted all over facebook about me, told the girl I was dating......called everyone they knew and told them about me..........I explained to the family what really happened, but because they stereo type SO's, well.....a year later we are no longer together.......sad.........really sad.......since then I stay to myself..........I don't date..........I rarely ever go outside.......I have 4 1/2 years left on the registry......turns out her cousin took my license plate # down and pulled my info and then searched my past.......I find it so hard to trust anyone anymore........it depresses me........the many things I have hoped for in life, places I've always wanted to go such as belize, cancun, etc..........now just dreams........it's a true blessing when you can be accepted by someone and they take the time to know YOU for YOU........and not be the judge and jury........I lay in bed at times and wonder to myself......"Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever know what it feels like to be loved? Will I ever find someone who will love me for me..........or am I destined to be alone....." I'm sorry everyone.........I didn't mean to ramble on and on........it brings tears to my eyes when I feel so much sadness in my heart...........to be judged by a world that doesn't look at you for the person you are, but looks at you because of a label........someday, I hope I will once again know what it feels like to hear those three words "I love you".....Bless you everyone.

@DreamsOfHope I had almost exactly the same thing happen to me. I felt like I was being blackmailed and the government made it legal to do in the name of protecting society.

I have been dating my now fiance for five years but only recently found out about him being an SO. I have to tell you, it changed NOTHING for me since I already loved him way too much to let something like this bother me. I learned so much about this whole topic, and I have to say that I am appalled by how stupid and narrow minded society can be. There is so much more than what the media "lies" about. Other countries are not nearly as prude and uneducated. I want to keep fighting for him and this cause as it has gotten to the point of ridiculousness. This mass hysteria has to end. I worry more about people who are shooting others (often innocent children in schools). These people are not on any registry, nor will they ever be, and they are the ones actually hurting children. I know they will have to wake up soon to see how little sense this hype about SOs makes.