Sorry you're going through such a rough time. Are you getting any support for the grief you're going through? It must be a lot to deal with as well as depression.

No because it seems more like depression than grief...? My brain isn't even working most of the time. I should probably contact hospice, I just can't seem to articulate what I am feeling. I feel like a zombie and put on a front for most people until it comes to a boiling point and just shut down.

Depression is grief. :) It's the same thing.

People think grief is all about crying. I don't think that's it at all. In my experience grief is all about not feeling real. Not being able to emotionally connect with others, not having any motivation...

I truly think they're one and the same thing.

My only worry is can you afford to not work? If you can afford to have no job then there isn't an issue, and time out to grieve is probably the best thing you could possibly do. :)

Take care, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad too and it changes the world. :(

That sounds so tough.

No I can't afford it bridgie101, so I am trying to look for one. I'll be ok for a few weeks. Any advice?

sorry to hear you are feeling so badly - My condolences on the loss of your dad. I hope you can find some friendships and some peace here with new friends at DS.

There are organizations help you to pay bills. There are private indiviuals. Youtube have alot of videos teaches how to make money. Facebook have alof of money making oppounities.

I would go back to the boss, tell him what's happening to you and ask for the job back - after a week off to go to bed and be miserable. Explain you're experiencing grief over your father, and just need some time out.

We know you love your job - so your job isn't the problem. It's your insides.

If you can get your job back, maybe you can pay for counselling. If you can't pay for counselling approach catholic social services or salvation army and see if they can counsel pro bono. Those counsellors are wonderful warm people who have enormous understanding.

if you can't get your job back, cancel every payment you can for every service you can manage, and hunt for a new job urgently. Unless you have some kind of unemployment benefit where you live.

I had a lot of pain over the loss of my father and it took a lot of talking to get it out. A lot. Took a few years.

Thanks Heatherhurts, I hope so too.
Petertheg, i will need to check out your suggestions, thank you! Very greatful.
Bridgie101, the job needed to go, the hours were killing me, now I am forced to find something. My boss was kind and understanding, so that was beautiful, she actually said she was sorry she wasn't more supportive during my dad's illness and subsequent death. The woman was undergoing cancer treatment /surgery and her father in law passed right after my dad...and she was sorry???! They don't make bosses like her every day, that's for sure!

I hear you. I quit my job after being offered a crap one and took it. It sounds like you had a great boss and those aren't easy to find...maybe try to get it back if you can. A holes are plentiful but good bosses arent so maybe see if you can. Hours may suck but a bad boss blows chunks constantly. Grief is being depressed but being depressed and depression are two separate things. One can lead to the other but they are individual things entirely.
Any decision made when not feeling 100% usually ends up a terrible choice, I hope there's a soft landing here.

Sweatingb,
Thanks I hope so too. I have needed a change for a while, no longer appreciate it, and it constantly reminds me of my dad. I need a new direction. Thanks for your reply.

My advice about your job search is to cast a wide net and keep very good records of every job you apply too. Keep the cover letter you write, keep the date and site it was posted on, keep all contact info and the job description....I know that sounds like overkill, but I can't tell you the number of times someone called me back two months after I applied, acting like I had just called them yesterday. I had no idea which job they were talking about until I had looked them up in my chart.

As for casting a wide net, depending on your industry, don't just stick with job descriptions that fit you perfectly. I was a book editor with a biology degree, applying for an environmental engineer job...and no word of a lie, they gave me the job!

First of all hugs and blessing to you..

" I feel like a zombie and put on a front for most people until it comes to a boiling point and just shut down."...Gosh I don't think you could have put this in a better way as I feel exactly the same.

I know the feeling when YOU JUST DON'T CARE about anything in life.I don't know how to deal with it as its just overwhelming.

I can just tell you this that you are not alone who feels the same.Hope you find peace.

Hi
Depression is not something that is easily overcome. Whether it's related to grief and loss, or biochemical changes, you probably need to get some help. Going right into a new job might not be as easy as it sounds.
Do you have a therapist or anyone that might be able to help you to get the depression under control. It can be quite difficult. If you have any insurance you might want to look at an intensive outpatient program to help you get your feet back on the ground. Once you feel more stable you will have an easier time finding a new job. Good Luck--sometimes you just have to quite, even though it might not seem rational. Take care of yourself.

I just want to say that when you say you feel like a different person; that the world has changed - that's because the world does chance whenever someone you loves is gone. I lost my brother and beloved cat within a few months of each other and it is the way I felt. I'm not sure I feel differently either.

Your world has changed and it takes time to adapt to your new normal after accepting the loss. Life hasn't felt the same for me for awhile; I feel like I've changed not necessarily for the best, but the fact is that people who you loved, that were in your world as you knew it, are gone.

Of course you're going to feel like a different person. It will just take time to adapt or adjust to this new world. It's not pleasant, but something you have to do to move on.