this is terrible.....you need to call 811 and speak to them about this.....help is available....

Euthanized, for feeling sad and or experiencing depression, is not in Bluepath and is not for Bluepath, nor what I wish for you or anyone!

Please consider looking into the mirror and start thanking your mirror because the mirror doesn’t think like you!!

The mirror appreciates you just as you are!! Never forget that you are the one giving the mirror it’s purpose and on the same tone, never forget your inner spark!!

You are light of this world and give life its meaning!! You and many of us!

Wake up and smell the coffee dear! We are not made to suffer and it’s not meant for you to suffer alone!

Go get help… book a therapy session, show up and let your beautiful soul be seen.

Respectfully, Motherly Love!!

You’re on the path of Bluepath success. Stay lit!

Happiness feels and looks different for all so don’t let negativity dictate your steps, take charge and ownership of your own happiness… find your strength!

We all have one!! Ask. Seek. & Knock. The door will be open because you hold the key to your own inner child happy zone!!

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. You are very insightful. That is a good start. Being here on DS is a good thing. I would suggest watching Mel Robbins' videos, especially the ones where she talks about the High Five Rule. My favorite artist is Tori Amos. Her music has been said to have saved lives. Suicide is not the answer. It leaves behind a lot of suffering. I would suggest counseling too. With a little therapy, you could find yourself feeling mich better about yourself. People obviously like you but you turn them away. You need to get to the bottom of this dear.

Follow your interests. If you like music go see your favorite band. And check out local talents. If you like food try a nice restaurant restaurant or go to a small mom and pops restaurant. Try out new things its good for making good conversations and things will fall into place. Where I'm from your on what we call the track. Thats when you wake up,shower eat go to work and prepare to do it again the next day.. break free and go off the track from time to time.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Even when we feel really down, somehow some way, the next day seems just a little bit better.

You obviously are good at getting hired for jobs. That is a great skill to have! Good for you!

It is not easy making new friends, but you can do it, you obviously are smart and have people skills.

Do you have family? Have you checked in with them lately, see what they're up to? Your profile says you are 25 years old. That is so young. You have such a long, happy, wonderful life ahead of you. Wow I would give anything to be 25 years old again! I didn't even get serious about my life until I was 29 years old. You are lucky that you are young and so much to look forward to. Trust me. Things will and do get better. One bad day or week does not mean it will always be bad. Hang in there and talk to people (your family, co-workers, friends, therapist, etc).

Please let us know how you're doing? Keep posting on here. We care.

I am in agreement with op.

It's not just a bad day or week or even month. This is a consistent thing. I've wanted to kill myself for years now after I realized how I'm just going to be forced to work for the rest of my life, and how because of who and how I am I will never get better or feel better. I'll be working in spite of having no friends or prospects at love. Obviously there is something wrong with me.

Bluepath, do you not enjoy your job? I think there are online quizzes to help you to determine your career path. I was a legal secretary for 38 years but my favorite job was my second job as a hostess at a restaurant. And I have to say that your thinking is on the negative side. You really should entertain getting some counseling. There is light at the end of the tunnel. What makes you happy? Doesn't have to be anything extravagant. For me, it's my morning coffee, my beautiful Siamese cat, being on a healthy journey, going to the gym, going thrift store shopping on Sundays when Goodwill has their dollar day on the 2 colors of the day. Today I got 11 items of clothing for $11. You are in a rut girl. So tell me 3 things that make you happy.

I used to have a neighbor who had a lot of anxiety. She always said to me "If anything ever happens to me, promise me you will take care of my son." Then we both moved but one day her sister called me and said that her sister was dead and her son had found her. He was 14. She shot herself in the mouth. I didn't have to take her son in. He went to live with his father. She is dearly missed. She never really got help. Her life could have turned around. Please try to get help.

Bluepath, I am sorry to hear you have felt this way for years. Have you tried counseling? I have terrible anxiety problems, and I take anxiety medicine every day and speak with a therapist once a week by phone. It helps a lot to get through the hard times.

They have anti-depressant medication out there that can really help. Can you make an appointment with your doctor to discuss going on medication?

Do you exercise? That also helps us to feel better. Take walks, jog, find a sport you like playing..... these things will help.

Believe me, you are not destined to just work your whole life and have no friends or partner. You will have those things. It takes a little effort. Do you live with your parents? Have you talked to them about how you feel?

It's so great that you work. Do you ever buy yourself something fun and that makes you feel happy?

There is help out there and it is okay to accept help, like therapy and depression medication. It really can help you to feel a whole lot better.

>Have you tried counseling?
I have, I went to a therapist for about a year before I lost my last job and I haven't gone back. Im not going back until I have enough money to live with. Didn't help much anyways, was nice to have someone to talk to.

>Can you make an appointment with your doctor to discuss going on medication?
I don't have a doctor. I take GABA supplements and they alleviate some of the pain from when I have a depressive episode.

>Do you exercise? That also helps us to feel better. Take walks, jog, find a sport you like playing..... these things will help.

I don't exercise. I used to meditate. Walking around outside doesn't suit me, and I don't have the money to go to the gym, nor would I go should I even have the money. I'm too self conscious. I'd definitely do something wrong, get corrected then never come back.

>Believe me, you are not destined to just work your whole life and have no friends or partner. You will have those things.
I am pretty sure that I am so far divorced from the normal way of thinking that at this point I may as well be some alien creature. I don't expect people to like me.

>It takes a little effort. Do you live with your parents? Have you talked to them about how you feel?

I don't bother my parents with my feelings, I only provide them with the facts.

>It's so great that you work. Do you ever buy yourself something fun and that makes you feel happy?
Frequently, doesn't bring me any joy.

It isn't like I don't have reprieve or relief from my feelings, but they are constant and they have ruined and continue ruining my life. It's a cycle too, sometimes I'll feel "normal" and not care about my anxiety, but most of the time I spend in fear of other people and their thoughts and judgements. I am seeking validation and finding nothing anywhere, and because I'm such a loser I can't just reassure myself, because I see my life 100% of the time. I know how I am treated and how I treat others. I am polite, brief and to the point, I don't care for small talk, or more accurately I don't care for small talk about topics I don't care for, which is most.
A lot of this is on me, I know only I can fix my problems, and I know I won't. So why should I stick around in this doomed existence? You say it won't be like this forever, but I really don't believe you. I can't forsee anything other than ludicrous delusion saving me, like winning the lottery, or something like that. I have no desire to see what dumpster or ditch I end up in, so why wouldn't I just do myself in and say the indignity of growing old and disappointing my family. I'd rather hurt them than disappoint them like that. I'm not enough of a person for them to truly care anyways, I'm just some thing that they say they love or they send gifts to try and convince both me and them that I am worthy of love, which I of course am not.

You are a valuable person. Whether you believe me or not.... There is a reason you were put on this earth.

You talk about your parents. You don't think they would be devastated if you ended your life? I am sure you care about them. I don't think you would want to hurt them eternally like that.

Lots of people feel the way you describe, at one time or another. Not to diminish how you feel, but depression and despair is SO common in today's world. It's not easy to live, let's face it!

What could help you is to see a psychiatrist. They are M.D's (medical doctors) who can get you on an anti-depressant (they really work!!) and hook you up with a therapist to talk to. These two things can just be short term, doesn't have to be forever.

What I think is you need a new way of thinking. Easier said than done, of course. I think talking to a new therapist could give you some new insight into how to be more content with life, how to set some goals that you can get excited about, how to make some new friends and go do some fun things.

I am sensing your childhood and growing up weren't the greatest?? Do you have any family that you like, such as siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles, grandparents? Connecting to some family helps to stable us.

No, it's not easy. I am not saying it will be. But it's worth a try!

Bluepath, that is not fair for your parents for you to speak for them. To say your parents think of you as a failure or that they don’t care about what is inside your heart and mind, is not true.
As a parent myself, it’s been a blessing to hear from my son when he provides the fact he’s good. But it’s wrenching in me because my son was my best companionship growing up. He’s a handsome and talented young adult, around your age. He is so smart and wise, sometimes his decisions are more than bold and advanced. Kind of like you, full of self awareness and we never cared for small talk either. We truly care for presence and so I know what you’re talking about… love will come back again for you and for many of us. This is just all a process to correct what needs to be corrected. So many have gone astray many have done the unforgiven but not us. We’re all a dailystrength team and teammates. I can’t wait for the moment and day I’ll get to embrace my own son again and my own daughters too!!! It’s been a rough journey without face to face contact but the evidence is enough to promise and ensure God has been with us all. We are never alone. I know he’s heard and seen our years. Much love to you my beautiful Bluepath child. Sending you my caring motherly love in these words.

It feels impossible for me to truly be affected by having fun or doing something relaxing. To me its just like satisfying a need, it doesn't feel good anymore, but I do it to prevent from completely shutting down.
Life feels like a transaction for me, because it is. I provide some company with my time and they let me keep living by giving me money. I don't enjoy my time working there, I don't make friends while working, I haven't advanced anywhere I've worked. I don't see the point. I don't make friends even when I'm in a pleasant mood, something about me must be closed off, I considered that I may be ugly, though I don't think thats the case, because I know people openly hate ugly people, while I am just ignored. I'm not sure why I wrote any of that. Not sure why I'm writing here right now. I geniunely see no reason to continue living here as I have nothing to look forward to. Only reason I'm still here is because killing myself while I haven't completely sunk is stupid, once I get pulled over by a cop or if I become homeless will I finally die. Unfortunately I am almost completely healthy with nothing other than my mental illness keeping me in check. I wish it were possible for someone else to take my body, someone who actually likes being alive.

It feels impossible for me to truly be affected by having fun or doing something relaxing. To me its just like satisfying a need, it doesn't feel good anymore, but I do it to prevent from completely shutting down.
Life feels like a transaction for me, because it is. I provide some company with my time and they let me keep living by giving me money. I don't enjoy my time working there, I don't make friends while working, I haven't advanced anywhere I've worked. I don't see the point. I don't make friends even when I'm in a pleasant mood, something about me must be closed off, I considered that I may be ugly, though I don't think thats the case, because I know people openly hate ugly people, while I am just ignored. I'm not sure why I wrote any of that. Not sure why I'm writing here right now. I geniunely see no reason to continue living here as I have nothing to look forward to. Only reason I'm still here is because killing myself while I haven't completely sunk is stupid, once I get pulled over by a cop or if I become homeless will I finally die. Unfortunately I am almost completely healthy with nothing other than my mental illness keeping me in check. I wish it were possible for someone else to take my body, someone who actually likes being alive, but is sick or something.