So I have been having a lot of health issues and my cardiologist felt that he didn't get clear enough images of my heart in the office, so he wanted to do a Trans-esophegeal heart Echocardiocgram in the hospital. I was pretty nervous about it, because I've never had any procedures related to my heart or any other major organs. I've had knee surgery and thyroid surgery, but to me anything to do with my heart just feels different.

I was pretty nervous about it this week and wanted to cancel outright. Anyway, I rearranged everything to do this-got the prior auth, the day off, the transportation, the  whole thing. 

So I get to the hospital today, and they send me home. I was so furious. But in honesty, it was in some part my fault. I had read the instructions about a month ago and filed it away in my mind. It said to fast after midnight, but what I did not remember correctly was that I needed to fast from both food AND water.  It said "Nothing to eat OR drink after midnight." I had read it briefly about a month ago. From what I remember in the past, when you have these procedures you generally need to fast from food. I've had a few outpatient procedures, but I don't remember not being able to drink water.

The nurse saw me drinking water and she told me that the anestheologist said that it was too dangerous and that I could aspirate. Also, they had a problem with my ride home. I had arranged for a medical transport to come and pick me up becuase my parents are too elderly and not able to pick me up and my friends are working and busy. I could have called my pastor and church but I didn't want to inconvenience people. The nurse had a serious problem with this and we literally got into an argument right there in the prep room. She told me I had to find someone in my life that was responsible. I explained to her that my emergency contact-my mom-and by extension my dad-were both completely unreliable. I found myself explaining to her that my dad is an alcoholic and so we can't trust when he's going to be sober or not. When my mom fell and broke her hip and ribs he was too drunk too take her to the hospital. I was so furious for the nurse for forcing me to have to explain that there are are all these people around me but none of them are responsible. It was like she just assumed we all have these great trustworthy people around us. Then she asked me if I had a friend, which I guess I could have called a friend, but I again I didn't want to put anyone out, so I called this transport. It's a Friday and people are working. 

I was so furious I just walked out.  Between the water situation and the ride-and my gut warning me off all week I left. I felt like I had all the information that I needed.  The morning was very odd; things were going sideways all morning.  Trash pickup hadn't come for two weeks and the full trash was sitting ou there, and when the uber came to pick me up, her car was in disrepair and she was speeding quite a bit. She really needed to fix her car it was shaking all the way down the freeway and her windshield was badly cracked, not to mention she was really speeding on the surface streets.   The energetics of the morning were very off, like everything was saying NO.  While in the waiting room, I got a notice about overdrafts about an account that should not have been active and texts from people I thought I blocked. I kept feeling uneasy. 

I'm really considering getting a second opinion about the whole matter. The procedure is rescheduled for a month from now.  When I'd left and gone to the parking lot, the nurse followed me out, but I refused to talk to her. Either it's too dangerous or it isn't-at that point don't try to get me to come back in.  Either we are doing this procedure or not. You sent me home so that is that. What scares me about the whole thing is my bad intuition about the entire thing. I had felt like maybe something would happen to me, that the procedure would be botched or I may not get through it at all. I know that sounds dramatic but I was thinking it. So maybe it was a big NO from my higher power. Also I do need to learn to pay attention to detail and read things again and more thoroughly.  With all these medical appointments I need to be printing things out, highlighting things, etc. What upsets me is I had called the cardiologist's office to go over details and they had sounded legit irritated when they heard from me, like "oh, it's you again." But there is no margin for error in medical situations.