proactive guys rawk

i really wish i had some type of advice to give but ive never been anywhere near in that situation. all i can say is jaken has a good idea with a peace offering thing. maybe not flowers but something to try to resolve some of the tension in the household? maybe if the arguing can die down there can be more true sight into whats going on. again i really wish i could actually help. i do wish you the best of luck in your journey though.

Oh, I thought you meant buying flowers for myself...my bad...

Yup. Like what Jaken said.

What do you have to lose by taking the first step and initiating the thaw?

The truth is that this is all a good theory, but the reality is that nothing is going to change. She doesn't have anymore interest in me today, then she did when this shit went down. Even if we got back together, there would always be the issue of sexual incompatibility. She won't ever want sex, just like someone told me this week about their ex husband. My situation is complicated. In a way, even though she initiated putting a stop to how our marriage used to be, it has to be me who ultimately ends this shit. I never wanted to end it, but I have been given the choice of living like this for who knows how long, or ending it to make my life happier. I will end up being the bad guy in this situation and I think it's just hard for me to do that to our kids. Hence, I'm stuck.

OK...enough of the serious shit.

Hugs. Whenver you're ready, you'll move on. What looks like wasted time, seldom is.

(hope you're not getting tired of this Patti)

Patti posted my thoughts exactly

being proactive....whichever direction you choose........is a good thing.......
You living a miserable existence......a horrible thing.....
Only you know what's right.......no matter how hard the action may be.

wow Patti........*speechless* Bravo!

Dude, sometime you have to eat a large slice of "bad guy" even though you aren't. My Ex's family thinks that I took lessons from Charlie Manson, and my kids are standoffish. Blah, they will get over it when they get over it.

You have two choices, each teaching it's own lesson.

Break it now. Be the bad guy for however long that goes (it will end at some point, however I am still serving time) Move forward and be as happy as you can. Freedom isn't going to mean free in your case bro. You will still have to deal with her in dealing with the kids.

Lesson Learned: You teach there's nothing more important than your own happiness. This will be immediately learned, and used against you... ergo bad guy.

OR

Keep suffering and deal with the arrangement the way it is now, which will eventually lead you down the dark path, which has its merits, but mostly not. As long as the environment isn't toxic for the children, you'll hate it, and they will be fine.

Lesson Learned: You teach that there are things more important than your own happiness. This is a lesson the kids won't get until LONG after it's been lived.

Either option is fucked.

Wow...good stuff, TD...but...
What if I chose option #1 and kids never get over it and spend the rest of their lives thinking that Daddy was only thinking of his own happiness?

No, they will spend a lot of time thinking that, as mommy will certainly reinforce it, but not forever. When they get older, they will get it.

I chose option B, they are older, and they still don't get it. But they will.

The good thing about option B, is that it could teach the kids to realize the importance of their own happines.

I meant to say option A.