Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
UPDATE 5 YEARS LATER. 4/15/2022 Go to last post.
Need to vent. My wife and I have been together a total of 12 years, 7 married. We seemed to be doing fine, taking trips, having intamicy, and talking about our future together. Then something changed. One and a half weeks before Easter she pulls me in the room and tells me she's no longer in love and there's something missing between us and she wants a separation. Of course I was shocked and I did all the wrong things like begging, saying I will do whatever she wants, writing her letters and so on. Well on Easter I logged into the phone bill and see that she has been calling the same number and texting for about a month very frequently and multiple times daily. I asked her and she admits that she has been talking to a boyfriend that she dated 26 years ago when she was 21 and now she has feelings for him. He got her number from a mutual friend. This guy asked her to marry him back then and she said no and then married her ex-husband. During their marriage this guy contacted her. She said she was married and that was that. Her marriage went downhill and her ex-husband cheated and so on and she ended up divorced. I think she had got it in her head that if she would've married this guy she would've had some kind of a perfect life. Me and her met after that and we grew together and had a great relationship and marriage. Her whole basis for falling for this guy now is "He never forgot about me" or "he never stopped looking for me." Sounds like some kind of high school girl when she talks, definitely not the 47-year-old that she is. This scumbag is a divorced father of three and an ex LAPD cop. I think he might've been fired. My wife has always been a little gullible and very easily manipulated and this guy obviously has manipulated her and she allowed it. One of the first things he asked her is "are you 100% happy in your marriage" and she said "not 100%." Of course he immediately started telling her everything she wants to hear and suddenly I mean nothing anymore. We are still in the same house and she acts like she doesn't even know me and it's extremely awkward and hurtful but I'm trying to take care of myself and her kids whom I've raised with her. They are both extremely upset and hurt. They were one and a half years old and six years old when I met them and now they are 13 and 18. She's been trying to manipulate and bribe the 13-year-old by telling him this guy wants to take him fishing and take him to a Bears versus Panthers game to which he replied that he is not going with her and going to move in with his biological father. It's very sad because this is completely out of character for her. She has always been an excellent mom and would've looked down on this behavior anytime before this. Not sure if she's going through some kind of midlife crisis but anyway I know what I have to do at this point. Thanks for reading this.
Cm, if she had a change of heart this instant would you take her back?
At any rate, if you want to seal this up and give up on her then keep living with her/condoning her adultery.
And I'm pretty sure God doesn't need us to speak for him.
We usually muck it up
Some "hate" scriptures:
Malachi 2:16 (hates divorce) Ps 11:5 Zechariah 8:17 Amos 5:15,21 Ecclesiastes 3:8 Isaiah 61:8 Jeremiah 44:4 Hebrews 1:9 Rev 2:6,15
He also doesn't complicate my life with dogma, guilt and condemnation.
God didn't write the Bible.
And don't tell me what I know.
Now let's not hijack this thread and agree to disagree
Be firm, but fair. Being an asshat will not help you. Being vendictive may feel good, but won't be good in the long run.
You just need to decide what's best for you. And the kids. You're in a tough spot there, best to talk to a lawyer. Find out if you can still keep the younger one(s), especially if the 18 year old supports you in this.
Make sure you are keeping a log of the BS she puts out, you will need it in court, I'm sure. (Told this to a friend once, and she didn't do it, and her ex tore her a new one in court because he had a notebook full of accusations, and that bears weight, even if it's still he said, she said. She didn't deserve the outcome, she was a better mother than he was a father, but he had all his ducks in a row, and she let hers fly off.)
Good luck, and prayers that she comes to her senses.
We have been divorced over 4 years now. She ended up marrying this chump the day after our divorce was final. The kids went through Hell and I met a nice woman who loves me. My ex-wife is now divorcing her controlling and narcissistic husband. She told me she wishes she could turn back the hands of time and still be together. She said I'm the best that she ever had in her life. I wished her happiness and told her I forgave her. It's sad but the grass wasn't greener. It happens all too often.