Im sure that isnt a good feeling or a good position to be in. But one thing I can tell you for damn sure, its gotta be better than finding out hes been cheating on you. In my very humble opinion, anything can be worked out in a relationship or marriage as long as it isnt cheating or physical violence. Faithful spuoses seem hard to come by these days.

Yep, that would be a deal breaker for sure. We’re talking about it at least (I knew there was debt but not THIS much) It’s untenable in the long term though. He needs to get a job, any job.
Oh, he’s mid 50’s so job market/time to pay down is not optimal

Someone else might know more about this, but I am pretty sure a spouse's debt is your debt. Their bad credit rating affects your credit rating, etc. You don't want to be on the hook for this. I hope you find the help you need.

Unless the credit is in both names it is the individuals credit. House if it’s in your name it’s your house. In both it’s both. You would have to Proof that he intended it to be both of yours. If he racked up credit cards and only his name that is his debt. Unless he dies then you would absorb that debt. Find out if he’s been forging your name to open credit cards.

We’re renting so no house to worry about. No forging etc, We’ve has these accounts for so long that I don’t know what’s what. It’s all out in the open today so I’ll be finding out. We still have great credit...amazingly..Minimum payment, on time every month

Oh, okay, Because I am in a Community Property state (CA). Spouses incur their partner's debts, right from marriage, and also after a divorce. Hope it works out for you, Mishelly2013. Are you going to leave him, or try counseling first, or what do you want to do?

I’m in CA too. We’re going to work on it together but first priority is a job. He’s very upset but also relieved that it’s out and committed to no more spending. We’ll see. I’m not stupid though, I have a tentative plan for me and kids if I need it. I just know that I couldn’t see him destitute so we’ll end up sharing this debt no matter what.

Has he backed up his words with actions, such as cancelling all his credit cards? Debit cards, too, probably. I hope you don't end up having to pay half his debt. Have you considered counseling for him? This just started a year ago, after he lost his job? Did he have overspending tendencies before he lost his job?

This has been a lifelong problem for him but actually been better about spending since he lost his job. He had a very good job prospect in another state through a friend and he/we relied on that but they strung him along for literally months then didn’t hire him:(
He called one card yesterday they gave us a fixed monthly payment and we can’t use the card. He’s going to the bank today (where we have 2 credit card balances $60K)
I found 2 jobs yesterday that are “apply within” so he’s going today...fingers crossed

BTW - I joined DS a long time ago when I was quitting drinking and I’m 5 years 4 months sober...Thanks to the people on here who hear the same story over and over but still offer help...you are all awesome- THANK YOU!

That must have been a major shock to find out about that much debt. I can’t imagine. I’m sorry. I believe the debt of the household is the responsibility of both spouses, just like savings/401k etc would belong to both spouses. I don’t think the debt is any different. Possibly depending on the state you live in.

That’s amazing you still have good credit, just don’t miss a payment. I can personally tell you about that. Not good. I agree the first priority is putting a stop to the spending, this includes “him” cutting the cards up and agreeing that he will not apply for any new ones. If replacement cards come in the mail, a mutual agreement to cut those up too. It sounds like he is willing. I can’t help but wonder if he has an addiction tho, a professional counselor might be a possibility to help, if so.

Good luck on him finding a (good/steady) job and congrats on your sobriety. Stay strong. I wish you the best.

Thank you. Yes, either way, I’m on the hook for this. If we end up splitting I will split the debt and saving with him 50/50. I have made a spreadsheet with each balance on it and a monthly column from now until July 2019 and out commitment is that it will be less every month. He has an appointment with therapist next week through my work EAP...I hope it helps, we get 8 visits and unless he has a job, will not be paying for more.
Thanks all for listening, it helps.

Unless you're planning to divorce, it doesn't really matter whether the debt is his alone or yours together, does it? In any case, as a practical matter, it belongs to both of you.

Don't worry about your "credit score" or credit report, that's only important if you want MORE credit - which, of course, you don't want.

I recommend (strongly) that you check out Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. www.daveramsey.com My wife and I took the course, and it was soooo helpful. Changed our lives.

Thank you! I will check it out. We’re sitting down on Sunday to come up with a plan

Well I can't promise you alot , but I believe there are short cuts to by pass him in all is spending and really investigate all his spending fare , it hurt to work like a hell while someone feels you're working for them and it's their right to do whatever they feel , ibou you think you need a private investigator and a discrete black hat professional service contact me on gabywhitehacks atgmailcom
You'd surely get all your evidence to keep his butt in his right place ... I know how it is my sister ... God gives you strength

Hi Mishelly2013,
I went through the same exact thing with my former spouse...It was unbelievable but for all the "financial infidelity" she caused she had nothing to show for it? I live in New York State. Each state has different laws regarding this issue. Now on a good note.....Here's is the worst that can happen. Only one creditor can try to collect at a time.....My marriage did end in divorce after 20 years and a bankruptcy which I have survived, and believe me it wasn't that I didn't/don't l love her but it had to be done for the sake of financial self preservation.