I was not what he wanted me to be..so no..

fuck good 1 ~~~ I thought I was.

I was crap at the start...treating her like a doormat, never appreciated her etc.. But about 6-7 years ago I had a change of heart, started buying marriage books and implimenting the advice, working on my weaknesses...appreciating her and all that romantic stuff, also adventurous stuff..to be honest, I thought I was turning into one of the best husbands around.

Well in the end it was her starting to treat me like crap.

I was a fucking WONDERFUL husband.

Fucking EXCELLENT husband. I lived for her. Everything I did was for her. I gave her 100% every day for 30 years.

She didn't have to put in half the work. She just had to show up.

If I hadn't been a doormat...

I thought I was. I took him back after the first affair, trusted him, loved him (despite years of passive/agressive verbal/emotional abuse). I accepted and loved his step-daughter--treated her like my own child. I worked a good job and helped provide an income. I kept myself nice looking--hair, clothes, etc.

But for him it was never enough. I lost myself in th process of trying to please him.

So yeah, I was a good spouse. I have no regrets in that area. I wasn't perfect, but no one is.

Yes, I tried everything to hold it together. I couldn't think of anything else to do. He had/has major problems. I'm not perfect, but I gave it my all with my entire heart and soul.

I am not without my faults, but I thought I was a pretty good husband overall.

I did my best, flowers in the middle of the week for no reason, I paid for everything so she could finish her degree and pursue her dream. Little did I know her dream included a different man than me. The only time I started to turn inward and away from her was after my adopted father died, then uncle Bobby two months after that...I just went inward, then my brother died a month after uncle Bobby...Then she left.

I never raised my voice nor abused her in any fashion.

I ditto Phoenix's first response. I too was married to a sociopath and lost myself in his anger and addictions. There was nothing I could do to be the best wife for him.

I was an excellent to him. Oddly enough, he stated I was "too wifey" by being involved in the military community to support his career and by being involved in my sons education. He also states I was too wife in taking good care of our home, cooking an awesome dinner every night and trying to make a wonderful environment for all of us. I just dont get it and NEVER will as nothing a sociopath or addict says or does makes any sense.

That is where I lost myself...trying to make sense of something that will NEVER make any sense at all.

Can I do it again? Absolutely..and NOT with a sociopath or addict...the next one will be one lucky man :)

I wasn't perfect, but I was good. I have no regrets.

I did the best that I could.
I loved him. I took care of him. I worked like crazy to try to bring in enough money..

But I didn't call him on his bullshit often enough. I let him ruin me financially. I closed my eyes to evidence of infidelity. I covered for him with friends and family. I enabled his irresponsibilty.

And I stayed far longer than I should have.
I lost myself in all of it. I gave up everything for him.
Does that make me a good spouse?
*sigh*
I don't know, but it makes me sad.

Sara, your last line probably says it better for me than I said it in 3 responses on this thread.....

i was a good husband. I treated our marriage as an equal.

WELL I WAS LOVING AND CARING. I DID GET FRUSTRATED IN THE BEGINNING EVEN WHEN HIS STUDENT VISA EXPIRED,I GOT HIM A GREEN CARD. THERE WERE TIMES I WAS THE ONLY ONE WORKING AND LATER WORKING WHILE PREGNANT. I DID EVERYTHING AND BEYOND IT WASN'T PERFECT I SOMETIMES NAGGED LOL. BOTTOM LINE HE USED ME AND THEN TWO MONTHS AFTER ARE SON WAS BORN HE JOINS THE ARMY. I FELT ABANDONED. I SUPPORT HIM WAS THERE DURING HIS GRADUATION FROM BASIC AND SAW HIM IN AIT. GOT TO HIS DUTY STATION AND HE STARTED ABUSING ME AND CHEATING ON ME. I STILL TRIED RETREATS COUPLE COUNSELING AND THE CHAPLIN. NOW I HAVE NO FINANCIAL SUPPORT AND HE LEFT ALL OUR SON'S PICS BEHIND AND HIS BUTTON WE GOT WHEN HE WAS BORN. I BELEIVE I WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND AS A GOOD SPOUSE AND GOT NOTHING COMPARED TO THE SHORT END OF THE STICK.

Could I have been a better wife? Yes, I could. Just like DAB, though, I don't know if it would have made a difference or not. The bottom line for me is that he didn't come to me and tell me how unhappy he was. He's just kept telling me I should've seen it coming. I didn't. Looking back, I believe he did things purposely to cover it up, if, in fact, that's really how he felt. He didn't treat me like someone he no longer loved. I don't know what I could've done about that.

When all this came down, I tried to talk to him. I asked for time, counseling. He refused everything I offered. I started counseling right away. But I believe by the time he told me, he had already slept with the OW. I think that was the real nail in the coffin for us. I would have done ANYTHING to save our marriage. I loved him, I was faithful to him, I was honest, I meant my vows. That's all I know.