Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello everyone, I am new to this site, but it has been very helpful already. Well, to make a long story shorter, I have been married to my wife for 6 years now and we were to together for about 9 years. She meant the world to me, was my everything, my best friend. Then I found out a couple of days before Christmas last year, that she had an affair. What a Christmas gift, huh?
Needless to say I was completely devastated and I told her to leave. She packed up her things and moved back with family 1500 miles away. We tried to reconcile for the first month after she left, but got nowhere. I found out she had already starting dating someone else after only a month of being separated. I have since learned that there may have been an OM #2 here when we were together as well.
There really is no other choice now than divorce and that's what I am preparing for. I need to learn to love and respect myself enough to know that I don't need a cheater and a liar as my wife. I feel so used and betrayed. I don't understand why this had to happen? We seemed to have an excellent relationship. We went on so many fun and exciting trips and had the greatest of times.
Now I had to move back to my parents place because I could no longer afford our condo. I feel like such a loser that I am back here again at age 32. Then in mid-June I lost my job and I'm living on unemployment until the end of the summer, when it runs out and looking for work. Many times I feel worthless and my confidence has been crushed.
I am very depressed now most of the time, when I used to be very happy before. It has also increased my anxiety much more. I am very sad and lonely. Some days are better than others and I hope they continue to get better.
If anyone has any advice, comments, or questions feel free to ask me or post. You can add me as a friend if you would like as well. Sorry I made the post so long, thanks for all of your help!
HEARTBROKEN77
Needless to say I was completely devastated and I told her to leave. She packed up her things and moved back with family 1500 miles away. We tried to reconcile for the first month after she left, but got nowhere. I found out she had already starting dating someone else after only a month of being separated. I have since learned that there may have been an OM #2 here when we were together as well.
There really is no other choice now than divorce and that's what I am preparing for. I need to learn to love and respect myself enough to know that I don't need a cheater and a liar as my wife. I feel so used and betrayed. I don't understand why this had to happen? We seemed to have an excellent relationship. We went on so many fun and exciting trips and had the greatest of times.
Now I had to move back to my parents place because I could no longer afford our condo. I feel like such a loser that I am back here again at age 32. Then in mid-June I lost my job and I'm living on unemployment until the end of the summer, when it runs out and looking for work. Many times I feel worthless and my confidence has been crushed.
I am very depressed now most of the time, when I used to be very happy before. It has also increased my anxiety much more. I am very sad and lonely. Some days are better than others and I hope they continue to get better.
If anyone has any advice, comments, or questions feel free to ask me or post. You can add me as a friend if you would like as well. Sorry I made the post so long, thanks for all of your help!
HEARTBROKEN77
I now how you feel. I was laid off from my job and couldn't find work for months. Not only was I bummed out about being unemployed but during this time my ex left because she was "tired of worrying about you(me)".
This combination of being unemployed and having the relationship with the person I loved most in the world end really drove me into depression. Like you I felt completely worthless and like a total loser.
But guess what? A couple of months after she left me, fighting through my depression, I found a decent job and started to get hold on my life again. I feel much better about my life now than I did a year ago.
My life had reached its lowest point much like yours has. But when life reaches this point there is no what to go but up. It sounds cliche but it is true. If I can make it out you can to.
I try to get exercise as much as I can and I don't do any drinking or drugs at all. I try to take care of myself the best I can, but I'm sure I could be doing a little better. I just get so depressed sometimes that it makes it difficult to even get out of bed. When I wake up is when I usually get the most depression. I get more anxiety and nervousness at night time.
I'm just taking it one day at a time and riding this rough roller coaster. I keep on trying and I really think that things will get better for me again someday. Just hope it's sooner than later.
Once again, thanks for accepting me here and helping me out. It means the world to me and as I learn, i hope to be able to also offer advice to help those in this type of situation. Thanks all. :)
I asked her to work with me on taking care of a couple of financial issues before an actual divorce. I also asked her to please be as friendly as possible as we go though this. I guess we'll see what happens.
As of right now, I am very sad though that it had to come to this. I know I tried my best though to make it work. I have some peace of mind, but it's such a sad situation.
Take care of yourself and save as much money back as you can.
Prayers and understanding to you.
Some here have said divorce is worse than death, because there are choices involved.. it is surely grieving a huge loss. Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow the sadness. Don't expect too much from yourself right now. Give yourself a pat on the back (or even better, some small reward) for getting out of bed in the morning, making it to the store, whatever.. It is rough. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't been there.
If one day is too much to think about, think about getting through the next hour. Allow crying and sadness, without judging yourself.
By taking the time to process this loss now, you will be better off than the STBX who never grieved it and rushed into the next relationship. Hugs to you!
For me one of the hardest things to do was let go and come to terms with the answers to your own Why questions. You may never get an answer to those questions and the sooner you can come to terms with that the sooner you can let go and move on. Ultimately, it's a rollercoaster.....it's like running a marathon...long and grueling.
There will be days where its easier and days for sure that will be harder. All you can do is take things as they come day by day and even hour by hour if you have to. I hate this advice when it was given to me....but time will make things better. Who knows how long as everyone is different....everyone's circumstances are different. You are on your own timeline here and all you can do is ride the wave. Talk to your friends, come on this site, go to divorce support group and if needed consider going to therapy or counseling. I found that all those things coupled together can help you in different ways. Ultimately if it helps its worth the effort. Good luck to you....I'm sorry that you are here...but you've found a good place and as I mentioned there are some amazing people here.
I know it would be hard on you to see the STBX, but I just feel it is important. Since you don't have a job it seems like it would be a great time to reinvent yourself somewhere else. I have found that by doing some of the things I always wanted to do but couldn't while married helped me along the way.
Good luck, and welcome to the DS
I was actually offered a job to be a tutor for microbiology classes at the local college. I've worked really hard getting all the paperwork done, background check, fingerprints, etc. Now I hear they may not have the funds to hire me. I was really looking forward to this new job and helping out the students. Now it may all be for nothing. It makes me so depressed. All I can do is hope for the best.