Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Okay, I have seen a lot of different posts from women on this community and some others, where there husband/boyfriend doesn't want sex, I have also, recently had my sister and sister-in-law ask about this. I do not understand this at all, whenever I hear of it, my first two thoughts are:
1) they are gay
2) they are cheating
I am no model, but have never been turned down by a man when I initiate sex. I actually questioned my fiance about what was going on one time after we had sex, because it took him a minute longer than usual to get it up and lasted longer (not that that's bad, just wasn't the normal time range), I was correct in thinking something was a little off, but it only turned out to be that he had "taken care of himself," earlier that morning.
I guess what I am wondering is what else would it be? I would be extremely nervous if my fiance started saying no and/or stopped trying. Any straight guys, who are not cheating, said no? Any woman ever found an answer other than the two I listed? I have been told that men too, need to be in the right mind-set, but I have always found it to be alot easier for them to get in that mind- set than women. I just don't understand why there are apparently, so many men not having sex with their wives/girlfriends?? Any thoughts??
1) they are gay
2) they are cheating
I am no model, but have never been turned down by a man when I initiate sex. I actually questioned my fiance about what was going on one time after we had sex, because it took him a minute longer than usual to get it up and lasted longer (not that that's bad, just wasn't the normal time range), I was correct in thinking something was a little off, but it only turned out to be that he had "taken care of himself," earlier that morning.
I guess what I am wondering is what else would it be? I would be extremely nervous if my fiance started saying no and/or stopped trying. Any straight guys, who are not cheating, said no? Any woman ever found an answer other than the two I listed? I have been told that men too, need to be in the right mind-set, but I have always found it to be alot easier for them to get in that mind- set than women. I just don't understand why there are apparently, so many men not having sex with their wives/girlfriends?? Any thoughts??
And based on 700+ posts on oral sex here......
My mind goes absolutely nuts ruminating.... is he gay...is he having affairs....porn addict....not interested in sex....a perversion I'm not aware of.....and on and on....
It's a good thing the marriage is over this week. I get my divorce decree this week and I'm taking my maiden name back. I never ever want anything to do with this man again.
I think he made me doubt myself so much that at times I thought black was white and white was black.
How is that for craziness and yet I loved this man. What is wrong with me?
Alexandria
After 15 years, Good gracious do I have a lot to make up for .... Lol! I feel sorry for the guy who gets a hold of me. He's not going to know what hit him.
Alexandria
The only valid reason I can possibly think of is due to either an illness or depression which may or may not include medication that affects a mans desire. Some depression medications can really work negatively in that respect. But other than that then yes Gay or cheating. I am sorry if you ladies have been cheated on. I know that feeling.
Because it takes two to tango, a better question is not "why there are apparently so many men not having sex with..." but rather "what is it about the relationship between a man and woman that contribues to the decay of a healthy, vibrant sexual relationship"?
One of the key things I feel is communication. It may sound trite but a couple really needs to be able to communicate freely & safely without fear of judgement in order to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship.
Those are my thoughts.
After the marriage and birth of a child, our lives, COMMUNICATION, and state of same wavelength of mind changed. I would come home tired and mentally drained from a stressful job. I just needed to unwind and get some fuel in me. We had different schedules as I worked during the day and her at night. When I wanted it, our time did not coincide because SHE was physcially and mentally exhaused after dealing with late work hours, lack of sleep, and childcare.
She was horny coming home after a few drinks or feeling up at 2:45 3:45 am after work when I had watched the child that night after working a 10-14 hour shift and recently drifted off. I would have to wake up in 2 1/2 or three hours to go to work.
I never lost the urge and actually became good and getting the tension released by myself. I cought her with buzzer and/or tips of fhe fingers giving stimulating pleasures on multiple occasions. Problem was I walked in at the END of a her intended session or other household evenst occured. It works BOTH ways.
In addition, following some long, hard, and stressfull days when I came home and she was not woking I would expirience a tone and attitude that I just did not want to hear. The tone escellated over time to be disrespectful. I learned to avoid and at times tune her out to keep the peace and my sanity. These days had short tempers stock piled in BOTH of us.
During those times we were both aggrivated and did not want to please the other after short conversations. Looking back, that would have been best time for a gudge %uck because they are always good.
This is why it is BOTH parties fault if lack of sex continues. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY and is what most often breaks down. BOTH parties feel the stress of family life and working hours. Compound this with children and it takes a huge toll on BOTH parties.
If you notice an increase your self gratification, I guarantee the other one is getting their own self gratification and are good at it.
A better thing to happen
(listen ladies)
is to bath or shower together prior(being cleanis a plus for taste) , BOTH eat and drink something light with wine or cocktail (if it ralaxes you), and BOTH agree to drop the issues until after the minds and bodies have time to revive.
Then do as all new relaStionships do .
This makes the other desire to please you. One sided recievers eventually get less from the other party because the other feels left out and loses desire to please.
When I married my friends told me the first to go is the BJ. They did not lie. I still enjoyed tasting her and heavily stimulated her sensitve errogenous zones and tender spots, but over time my eagerness for forply and even massages when she was sore declined.I felt left out because I did more extracaricular perv tricks.
Over time we grew physically and emotionally withdrawn. They BOTH work hand in hand. She was discovered in an affair that I would have done myself shortly after if things continued. Other issues and changes to evil Queen pushed for the divorce - another story entirely
Please listen ladies
THREE LESSONS ARE LEARNED FROM and FOR BOTH PARTIES
#1 COMMUNICATION
#2 GIVE TIME TO UNWIND AND REFRESH
#3 SPEAK IN PLESANT TONE AND POSTURE.
#4 GIVE TIME WITH NO CONFRONTATION.
#3 SINCERELY PLEASE THE OTHER WITH GRATIFICATIONS RETURNED.
I know this now. How I was blinded and allowed the escalation of both sides during the marriage expirience bewilders me. I wish I could change it now as our past sex life was magical, but it is too late.
The change involves BOTH parties and is real and will occur in all relationships in
time. If the ladies and the men would retain the desire to please the other and communicate effectively many mariages might work.
It is true that the first marriage can prepare for a better second marriage if lesions are learned and practiced.
For many many years I went through the whole insanity of trying to figure out what was wrong with ME because he didn't want sex. When he was finally diagnosed with first enlarged prostrate and then depression, I was able to relax. At least a little bit.
I accused him so many times of cheating or being gay...even in counseling. Beacuse it just didn't make sense to me. Guys are ALWAYS horny.