Needs to be intelligent, active, HONEST, and considerate.

John

I'm just starting out in the dating game, and I only have 1 criteria. My stbx is 5'3" and I'm 6'4", so I would prefer a taller woman. Other than that, I do not worry about a thing, right now I'm making friends, not lovers. I have several women who have asked for a coffee date, and I have asked some myself.
However, after saying all that, I don't believe that the woman that I hope to share the rest of my life with will not be of a certain set of criteria.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm dating anyone now, and when I find her she will meet most of my dreams, expectations, wishes, whatever.

OK, I posted once but wasn't taking this entirely seriously, so now I will. The idea of dating sounds horrible to me, and like some others I fear that my expectations are going to be entirely too high. However, I am just fine with being alone...so I am not going to settle for less than what I want:
1) Must be a Christian
2) Must believe that a marriage sometimes can be difficult and you have to stay committed
3) Has no active addictions - drugs/alcohol/pornography/gambling/etc.
4) Must be willing to love my children as if they were his own.
5) Must be a hard-worker
6) Must make family a priority in his life.

Some nice to haves:
1) Educated
2) Well-paying job
3) Good conversationalist
4) Enjoys traveling
5) Attractive

Did anyone mention penis size? I want one that's not too small, and not too big.

I've been reading this with interest and thinking, "Wow, some of the people have a lot of requirements and very specific ones at that!" And then I did my list. Guess what, it has a lot of requirements and very specific ones! LOL.

In no particular order:

1. Good sense of humor - can laugh at self.
2. No anger issues - can discuss something rather than storming out.
3. MUST be up for a truly intimate relationship - will be willing to do whatever work necessary to get there - seminars, counseling, retreats.
4. Likes to travel and is willing to plan some of our trips.
5. Financially stable and has stable work history but NO workaholics.
6. Says what he means and means what he says.
7. Has guy friends that he likes to hang out with.
8. Is independent and self-sufficient. No clinging and no maid/short order cook service from me!
9. Respects my interests and is truly interested in hearing about them.
10. Must be willing to listen to me and ask me about myself. Doesn't just want to talk about his stuff 24/7.
11. Likes to read.
12. Like to engage in intellectual conversations - politics, religion, science, psychology, whatever.
13. Doesn't expect me to entertain him all the time - has his own interests.
14. Makes an effort to plan and do romantic stuff together.
15. Understands that I am an introvert and need 'down' time on a regular basis. Appreciates silence as well as good conversation.
16. Accepts me for who I am. Doesn't not try to change me into his version of the perfect woman.
17. Takes care of his health and is concerned and supportive about mine.
18. Must be kind, gentle and respectful to all people and animals.
19. Doesn't feel the need to control anyone but himself. Doesn't feel the need to criticize others.
20. Can say "I sorry" sincerely and often.
21. Can 'think outside the box' and for himself. Is very open-minded and isn't necessarily a traditionalist.
22. No addictions/obsessions, period.
23. Likes to shop (that would be a bonus.)

I better stop - I may end with the longest list on here!

Thanks for starting this thread, BamBam. I had to really think about this to get in down in writing. I suspect I will find it very useful in the figure.

Kind , Generous, Honest, Happy with his life, positive. Likes to have funand celebrate the blessings of his life. Wants a soulmate, not a helpmate. He would have to love my son. It would help if he loved the ocean and boating.

LOL cerridwen...is that a qoute from the xxx flick of goldielocks?

well, I am a bit older than you are, but when you are my age, my friends and I find that a lot of younger men try to hit on us all the time. Like they all have an older woman fantasy or something. At anyrate, when I was living in NYC, we made a list of requirments, now we were all sitting at a local bar and drinking when we did this, but it was a lot of fun, and it was even funnier that the rest of the guys at the bar wanted to see our list, and once they read it, they realized that they were looking for pretty much for the same thing, in a woman!

1. Attractive
2. Finacially Independent
3. Finished with his Divorce
4. If you were not born when JFK was killed, you better look like JFK Jr.
5. Treat his mother right
6. No more than two buttons unbuttoned at the same time (shirt) please
7. Cannot wear more jewelry than you do
8. No piercings in weird places, and no, I do not want to see

1) eyes wide open

2)proves willingness to change with actions not broken promises

3)does not hide emotions

4) does not go through my things

Sorry, G. You want more tangible things than that, right? No worries, you'll find true happiness soon enough.

that is a sarcastic dig at my e-mail reading, expensive ($80) wastbasket breaking, wall punching/ wall scissor jabbing, key logger spying husband who did all this to find NOTHING there!

Heh. My stbx forced me to waste $250 of NFL tix tonight. She went to work out, asked if I could watch kids @ b-day party. Sure. 4 hours later she returned, strolling in without a care announcing she's lost 6 lbs since June.

I could use those scissors....

I am reading all the criteria for meeting someone new........I wonder if you can live up to the expectations.....high expectation are what get us in trouble....we are all inflable so believe me whoever your with is going to disappoint you your now and then; lost a job...maybe even get sick....

May persons start dating while separated; how about healing first....and not bringing all that raw baggage into another relationship........until you heal emotionally; you won't have a successful relationship...........just another heartache...............

People you we are emotionally healthy; you will begin to spot people who are not healthy and you won't waste a lot of time.....................

If we set ourselves up with a big list of expectations we are bound to be end up disappointed..................

No, I don't want a guy who lives with his mom; lost his lic. due drunk driving; and is still drinking.....who is still a paperboy.......

Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe your not healthy emotionally and that is why your marriage ended..............I know all of my relationships in my 20's and 30's ended due to my unhealthy way of thinking and doing............
I didn't have to change who I was; I had to change behaviors..............

good luck...........and remember Time is a gift not a threat.........

bambam-

What is important to you? Is it really important if the man is not that tall, yet he meets your emotional needs.

It's amazing that you wrote about this. Just the other day, I was talking to a good friend. She had just had her hurt broken. So, I asked her "what are you looking for in a man?"

She said "he has to be sensitive, faithful, honest, financially secure, loving, etc."

So, then I asked her "what if the man had all of the qualities that you mentioned, but he was short and not so handsome?" She said "Oh no, I wouldn't give him a chance."

My point is this, why do we know what we need, but we choose what we want. What is important here "needs or wants"?

Beaman2
Author "We B. Family"

Whoa globug....chill out. This is just for "funsies" and many of us have stated that we're no where NEAR ready to date (myself included). And if my expectations are too high (sounds exactly what my stbx has said to!), then I'd rather be ALONE!