Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Does anyone else feel this way? If you do, I would really love to hear about it because I feel as though I am being picky or too judgemental before a relationship even starts....
So after leaving my ex, I said to myself I need to have a man with a few criteria for my next partner - those criteria were based on the downfalls in my past relationship - they are:
needs to be independent
needs to be able to drive
needs to have career ambition
And, I always have this criteria:
needs to be at least as tall as I am.
Now that the dating field has opened up, there is a really nice sounding guy, and I am confused, he meets the first set of criterias, but not the second - I don't know why I am hesitant, but I am - maybe it's just nerves.
Does anyone else have criteria like this for a new mate, if so, I would love to hear about it.
THanks
So after leaving my ex, I said to myself I need to have a man with a few criteria for my next partner - those criteria were based on the downfalls in my past relationship - they are:
needs to be independent
needs to be able to drive
needs to have career ambition
And, I always have this criteria:
needs to be at least as tall as I am.
Now that the dating field has opened up, there is a really nice sounding guy, and I am confused, he meets the first set of criterias, but not the second - I don't know why I am hesitant, but I am - maybe it's just nerves.
Does anyone else have criteria like this for a new mate, if so, I would love to hear about it.
THanks
She would need to be:
1. Independent yet love to be with me
2. Honest
3. Willing to try new things
4. Must love outdoors (camping, hiking etc)
5. Attractive inside and out
6. Confident
7. Have a career
8. Have a great sense of humor
9. Must be able to love my girls
10. Must have integrity
Those are some....am I being too picky?
1) Inner beauty to match or excede her outer beauty
2) A very good, if not best, friend
3) Mature Christian - Confident in the basics, but open & able to stretch my faith & understanding as I do hers
4) Able to discuss & even disagree without feeling threatened or being offended.
5) Confident enough in her own talents, abilities and giftings to not be threatened by mine.
6) Passionate and optimistic about life
7) Open to intimacy in all areas (physical, intellectual, emotional, & spiritual)
8) Knows the meaning of committment & forgiveness (able/willing to do both)
9) Wiling to love and accept my children and extended family (wihtout feeling threatened).
Of course for dating the list is not nearly as extensive.
My new mate will have ALL of the good qualities I thought my STBX possesed. Turns out he was just plain possed.
I don't like men shorter than me either.
~Funny (but not over the top)
~Attractive
~Taller than me!
~Nice eyes
~Educated/has a job
~Likes kids
~Like animals
~Athletic
I struggle with this because I have a great man who loves me and wants to be with me. Early in my dating, after separation, I thought I wanted to be with him to. Now I know he is just not the right fit for me.
All of this is tough but I know I am ready for a commitment but only when the person who meets my criteria comes along and wants a commitment also.
1) He MUST be cute and have good hygiene. If he don't brush his teeth, he doesn't respect himself and he probably won't respect me. Plus,I ain't frenchin him.
2) He MUST be romantic and love PDAs and not slack off after 6 months of dating. Romance is what love is all about.
3) He MUST be taller than me. I love to bury my head into a guys chest when I am hugging him.
4) He MUST believe in sending romantic cards and flowers from time to time or he is toast. See #2.
5) I would like him to be handy. I want someone who will look out for me and look after me when it is something I don't know and visa versa.If he can't fix a car or help out he is not for me.
6) He must enjoy making love. Sorry but I have had too many men who were duds. If he isn't passionate, again he is toast.
7) He needs to treat me like gold wherever we are. Whether we are hanging with his family or just him and I, I need to know I am valued, cherished and respected.
8) Someone who if they get to live with me MUST help with the housework. I work two jobs and I am not a maid.
9) He must like cats. If he doesn't, he needs to get gone.
10) He must like kids and be good to them. I have a son who is my everything.
11) I need someone who is just as comfortable at a flea market as they are going to Dukesfest or a nice night on the town. I need a renaissance man.
12) He MUST have blue eyes. I have a weakness for them.
13) He remembers my birthday and takes me out and buys me a present and I do the same for him. The same applies for Christmas.
14) I hate guys who bitch about everything. If you don't like something about yourself - ie - your toenails, etc. change it. that applies to anything.
15) He needs to have an awesome sense of humor and he needs to get me. We need to laugh and have fun together otherwise I'll be bored.
16) He must love drive-in movies and making out at them. If he isn't on board, he won't be in my car.
17) He needs to have balls and stand up for himself without coming off like a jerk. He needs to be calm and patient but if need be he can be a tiger.
18) IF something is ever bothering him he needs to talk to me about it, not all of his friends, his mother and everyone else except me. If I am important and come first then I should be the first to know
19) If I am ever upset the #1 way to get me to calm down is to HOLD ME and tell me everything is all right and you love me. If you get mad and walk away, chances are I will too.
20) You need to like to cook and you will even help me in the kitchen. Cooking helps people bond and if you don't help in the kitchen, 10-1 you won't be much help elsewhere either.
21) I love Halloween and costume parties. I like to get dressed up and go out as a couple and have fun. If you can't do this, you can't hang with me :-)
22) I like to go to stores sometimes and have fun with the merchandise and goof around. You need to have a great sense of humor to do this. See #15.
23) I like to go out for breakfast on Saturday. If you aren't game then u are boring - move along. I have had some of the greatest conversations over breakfast and you need to be able to converse with me to be with me :-)
24) I am beautiful 24-7 and you need to know and appreciate that I try and look my best for not only me but you as well. If I look less than gorgeous one day, I don't need commentary.
25) If I am sick you will be concerned and help look after me and the same for you.
26) I almost died in a car accident when I was 15 and have post traumatic stress disorder and don't travel well. PLEASE DON'T DRIVE LIKE AN ASSHOLE.
27) If you ever get mad at me, don't stomp out of the house and leave. Talk to me like an adult. This is where #19 comes into play. Read it. Study it. Learn it. Know it. Do it.
28) I need you to BE HONEST. IF you can't be, get gone.
29) Probably the most important - IF YOU CHEAT or have CHEATED in the past I don't want you. I need someone committed to me and stable.
30) You need to know what love is and know not to hurt people. If you have hurt people in the past, I can't give you my heart. It is too delicate and it can't be broken and glued back together. It doesn't work that way.
31) He needs to have a job - I can't support him and shouldn't be expected to.
32) He MUST open the car door for me always. Good manners are a MUST.
33) I don't want a mama's boy. It's nice if you are close to your parents, but not too close. Mama's boys are too f-ed in the head and I shouldn't have to play second fiddle.
Must be mentally and physically healthy (within reason)
Must have a soul, feelings and emotions.
Must be able to communicate on a day to day basis.
Must want and enjoy a physical relationship.
Must be Gentle kind and loving
Has to be at the very minimum some what independent and not needy.
Non smoker
Drinking is ok but within acceptable limits.
Must be employed and able to work
Being on the wealthy side of things maybe to much to ask for but what the heck its just a dream list.
Can be religious but I don't want it shoved down my throat 24/7.
Must have a nice stable back ground and upbringing.
Must love my cat.
Would be great if we enjoy similar things such as music.
Has to show signs of having a brain and some common sense.
So basically I want every thing my stbx was not.
1. Sense of humor
2. Caring
3. Catholic
4. Faithful
5. Secure
6. Hard working
7. Loving
8. Likes to have fun
9. Tall and not too thin
The list is on the desktop of my computer.
2. Must find me funny and attractive
3. Should be mildly extroverted
4. Willing to be close, yet independent
5. Is clean and dresses nicely
6. Doesn't want children
7. Is accepting of my irreligiosity
8. Doesn't struggle with depression or overwhelming insecurity
9. Has a job
10. Is politically moderate
Yeah. I'm a dreamer.