I have never known you to be disrespectful or inappropriate towards your ex.

Or anyone else.

yes, there are lines. we know inside where those lines are. we don't really need to ask anyone.

You haven't; however, many have and it is their right whether is right or wrong. I have written my pain out here and even invited him to have a voice but his whore came instead and twisted what she read here and told him. He is always invited to come here. He has as much right to express his sentiments of what I lacked in our marriage. Sorta the intent of this forum....each has their own voice. Some choose the low road....some the high road and some are in the middle.

I don't understand your post. Does it stem from you being accused or from you making an observation of the Paul/Lisa bit.

Since this is a therapy site, I think being open and honest about things you have dealt with is expected.
You can't fix what you don't acknowledge,
If you keep this an anonymous situation, I don't see the problem. On the other hand, if you are giving your ex's personal name, age, or anything else away that would tell the world exactly who they are, that would be inappropriate, IMO.

If he didn't feel a need to ask, he wouldn't have Faith.

This is where I came to process things. My anger, (which yelled like a child and said things that in hindside were the ramblings of an injured animal), my hurt (which makes me want to place blame) my process of healing (which means I must disclose the way I see things and how they feel to me) and my truth (which most certainly will look different than my ex's were he to post).

No one know's my ex husband here. I did him no harm by sharing all the feelings and ideas I had about him; good, bad or ugly. It helped me work through it and find forgiveness and understanding, which I couldn't have found without discussing his issues because they had become my issues too.

I, for one, have thought you were always very kind. Certainly much kinder in the beginning than most of us who felt betrayed.

I confess that I called my ex a donkey tooth mofo here...*sowy*

I don't recall seeing you do this.

I do my best never to do this. What happens in my own personal Vegas, stays in my own personal Vegas. I would find it disrespectful of myself to bash him/our relationship. (That does not mean that I would refrain from expressing my own feelings about my situation, if I needed to....I just try to keep it focused on me, not him). Just how I tick.

Wait, you have an ex?

If I put myself in your shoes, I find myself feeling gentle spirited, tender hearted, respectful, a little too generous, too willing tot ake the high road and not willing enough to feel the dirt and blood of an injury.

Of course this is all projection, right? I don't know you, I only have your words and the spaces between them to fill up with my own imaginings.

If I put myself in your ex's shoes, I think I would feel incredibly naked and revealed because I have a dark history, loaded up with shame and pain and it would have been Ok except you show your face, and I'd be worried anyone who would know the two of us, and recognizes you, would now know things about me I would have wanted the freedom to decide on my own accord to tell.

Having said that, this is one of the reasons I don't often show my face, or give much detail about my exS...to save my own dignity should someone who knows me come here and recognize me and learn what I don't want to be public knowledge, and also to protect that of my son.

I don't think there is anything terribly out of order with how you have presented yourself or your experiences. I don't get the feeling ever that's the case. And you are here for YOU, not for anyone else, so how you best use that opportunity is only for you to determine.

It's a fine line isn't it? to feel comfortable in how much you reveal of yourself and her.

My philosophy is to err on the side of caution, but that's come from a period of my life where I threw caution to the wind.

you do what you need to do :)

On the whole I think many here are too abusive of their ex's. Me included... Part of this is that we each need to vent...

But, as part of the healing process we each need to learn that labeling our ex's is also abuse... And, we can't truly heal until we learn to let go of the hurts others give us... abuse doesn't justify abuse. (ever!!!)

This is a painful experience. I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, and to those thinking of it... I say look at all alternatives first... But, once it is in full swing... You will feel pain... You will need to vent in a safe environment... and you will say things...

in the end, this is a forum to help you heal. If you have... let past text be past text...

My ex went through a stage where he was labeling me. It was to make him feel better about the choices he had made. If I was worse, and the cause of his problems, than he could feel O.K. Funny thing is though, I was supposed to be sensitive to all his feelings and not decide for myself what his behavior spelled to me but he had the right to decide who I was and take care of himself and his needs.

Guess that's why this is a divorce site; if our marriages were full of healthy dialogue and common vision we wouldn't be here.

oh, sorry I just recognized you wrote:

"Would you consider it a betrayal of trust or at least disrespectful to tell others here personal things that you and your ex held in confidence?"

yes to just that

I think revealing anything anyone tells you in confidence is disrespectful. If she trusted you with secrets and you tell someone else without her permission, then yes.

Skwerl, I didn't mean to sound crass. I apologize if I did.

If sharing helped you and you are okay, that's all. If you have guilt about it, do not share personal info about ex.

Not at all Faithful, no worries. I knew what you were getting at.