Skwerl - I have never seen you be offensive or abusive. I know I have been about my ex. I still think he is an ass and always will. He did so much damage to myself and my son. We're finally recovering, but it has taken years. I can't think of anything rotten enough to do to him because I'm just not that way. All I can say if he died tomorrow, it would be no loss.

Lynne

I think feeding a skwerl cheese doodles is abusive.


:P

Skwerl I have never seen you anything other than respectful in here.

I however have brutally thrown my ex wife under the bus on several occasions.

I suppose I should start to back off that stance.

Skwerl, I recently came back to DS after quite a bit of time away, so I'm not really up to date on the conversations yet on the forum. However, I think its a testament to your character and personal integrity to even bring up such a thoughtful post filled with obvious concern. You obviously want to do the right thing and go through this journey of healing and recovery while also maintaining your personal integrity towards your ex. I wouldn't mention full names, places of employment, addresses etc and you're okay in my book. By the way, your profile pic killed me. I haz a doodle. I love it.

Thanks everyone.

The reason I posted this is because my stbx came to me and said she had read a few of my threads. She was very upset, and did not appreciate me airing her dirty laundry. I do feel bad that I had overstepped her confidence in me, and I regret not censoring myself a little better during my times of pain.

However, this is my place of healing. And I would not have made the progress I have without processing my past, and her past, here. We were married young, and spent 15 years growing up with each other. Our respective pasts have shaped who we are, and to a lesser degree our relationship and our behaviors during our marriage has impacted who we are as well. So in that respect I don't regret it. I think it was unfortunately necessary to set aside that respect for my own healing.

(And yes, I did call her out on reading my posts/threads. She said she wouldn't do it anymore. I kinda believe her)

I think venting is normal on here. It would be kinda impossible to do so properly without sharing some personal details about your ex. After all you were "one" that that person for however long you were in a relationship with each other. Your life bled into hers and vice versa.

I do think there is a line that should not be crossed, but that line may not be the same for every person.

However, if you are just sharing information about the ex that is irrelevant to the topic or your healing...you might want to reconsider sharing those tidbits of info.

I think each person holds there own set of morals as to what is proper to say. But for me, I have not been one that has shared with others, something that was "that personal" that my ex confided in me. I don't think it to be right that what you tell anyone else in confidence, that is personal, should be shared with a bunch of people cus you and this other person are on the outs, and especially in a mass audience like this.

It just ain't proper... IMO

Well, I am sorry for your stbx. I am sorry she is hurt. I truly understand her pain. Things that she believed were personal were shared in a public forum

I also feel sorry for her that she had hoped there would be reconciliation and came here and likely found out something else. This is not a judgment on my part. You live you life as you see fit. I just see it from her side as well. You told her story, and she was not here to defend herself or share HER side, which is likely different. And then she came here and discovered you had really moved on.

This is the part that mystifies me most. This is a public forum. Everyone posts private things under anonymous names and then is horrified when your ex or stbx finds them? Like they violated your privacy? If you want privacy, KEEP IT PRIVATE!

You have always seemed respectful to me as a skwerl running up and down the fence. I have also noticed your sense of humor and compassion when engaging in some thread responses and I'm sure those involved appreciated it. However, we all know where the lines of public discussion and privacy collide. Only you know if they were crossed.

My stbx joined this site and aired some half-truths about our relationship that were hurtful so I chose not to respond. But that's what I thought was best for me...

That's true too Head, what seems like a pebble to us, could be a bomb to her.

I don't believe anyone wants to see their private conversations, thoughts or feelings posted in a public place without their knowledge. Even if it IS anonymous. Its horrifying to discover.

I have never seen you trash your ex in here..I have seen you own up to the demise of your marriage..

Me on the other hand, I am guilty of trashing my STBX..

Part of me feels bad that I have, and I have owned up to the demise of my marriage. I was a dumbass for falling for a faker and I became ill (physically) and I made way too many demands on my STBX...

My STBX will never own up to his mistakes, it was all my fault and I am okay with that..

"What seems like a pebble to us could be a bomb to her".

That says it well (Props to Bridget).

I have occasionally wondered about the spouses of DS-ers who are not yet separated (there are a few of both genders here)...Do they know that their husbands/wives are talking about the demise of their marriage to total strangers/non-professionals on a divorce site? How would that affect them and the relationship. To me it would feel as though DS were the OW, of sorts.
Just a passing thought.

Red - I think my ex would think that I was simply a bitch for talking about how abusive he was. It's true, but he will never see it.

Lynne

I've only noticed you writing about your feelings, and that's your right.

I've never seen that from you.

That said, why the hell should I care about what my ex or anyone's ex thinks about what I, or anyone else, posts here? This place is for MY healing; not hers or theirs.

Do what you want, Skwerl, but if she doesn't like it, I'd advise you, as someone whose ex DOES read this stuff, to mind her own business.

Just my opinion.

I'm not going to slow or retard my healing to not step on my ex's delicate sensibilities. Because she sure as fuck didn't care about my sensibilities during the course of our marriage.