No no it is different people giving different advice so I am not even saying look at the double standard.

Its just how much different advice you can get one day to the next on this board.

Yea they love guys as long as they dont have balls.

Thats another discussion

Of course, I'm sure the fact that if he gets his wife to leave the house before she retains legal counsel, leaving her child behind that counts as abandonment here in Michigan. I'm sure he's not motivated by that. It also doesn't matter here whether she has a job or not, the court recognizes being a stay at home mom as a job. So it's a little less about balls G and more about truth.

Pot. Not legal. I don't like it, but about half the country has smoked it and close to half would like it legal.

And GSCH laws in Ga are a lot differnt on drug use then laws in MI. And in the past 10-20 years a lot has changed too. It's a lot easier for men to get custody now, and in some states they don't even Care about adultry anymore. It's a seperate discussion about whether the laws have improved or gotten worse. We have to live with what IS.

I just get the impression (who knows if I'm right), that he was fine with it when their child was a baby, toddler, and pre-schooler. Now that the child is easier to handle, he's willing to do it on his own. And this (drug use) sounds like a way to get the child taken away from her.

If she's using as bad as he says (He's bi-polar remember, he may be Exagerating!!), then YES, he should get the child out of a situation that they've been in way too long.

BUT, also remember that people lose custody when they're bi-polar and it's not controlled by meds. (He's out of the Army on disabilty.) If he's manic, he may do some really stupid stuff.

Hurt/injured people often end up together. Perhaps neither of these two are good parents. Perhaps they both are. But there's a child involved here, and her needs are the most important thing right now.

Stay at home mom, I am retired and am a stay at home dad. I take him to and from school functions cook for him and do all houshold cleaning and maintence including dishes and laundry her life is simply to smoke eat and watch tv from when whe wakes up at 4p until 7am when she sleeps. My personal doctor is a strong supporter of my decision for my sons welfare and future impression of a functional lifestyle.

Oh my god. If you give her money she will keep coming back and get money from you to support her habit. She is addictive to marijuana is considered a drug. Its not your responsibility to help her after you are divorce. Think about your life. You need to find someone that loves you and not the drugs. She isn't worth it. She doesn't know how to drive and doesn't have a job. She could have learned how to drive at the age 37 yrs old. I don't feel sorry of her because she whether have her drugs then be a good wife.

Mopri it always amazes me how people jump on the band wagon with little info.....

666 (what's that about?)

I understand that living with someone with her daily habits would be a difficult reality and I agree that something needs to be done. But just throwing the mother of your child out on the streets with no family or money seems rather harsh me. I also know that your doctor and attorney are basing their reaction on the information you have given then. We all have a slant of our version of the truth, she has her version as well. I can just imagine her showing up here with a totally different story and blowing you out of the water. I'm not saying thats true, I'm just pointing out that anything is possible and don't really know the whole story.

With that I would suggest, if you haven't already, telling her that you want a divorce and that she has 2 weeks (or w/e) to stop smoking pot and get help (Have a list of doctors) or she will be out the door and she will then have another 2 weeks to make other living arrangements. Make it official with her and give her a final warning.
She sounds depressed to me. What would her story be if asked? What has she been up against living with a untreated Bi-polar for all those years?

I would think that if you ever had real love for a person that you would have more compassion. She is obviously in trouble.
Try to do the next "Right" thing...

Good grief! She smokes marijuana not crack people!!!
I'v known many pot smokers and although I find it annoying and undesirable I've never known one to act desperately like a coke/crack addict.

666 is my birthday

Its on the back of my neck.

on the marijuana issue...

It is illegal for a reason. If you disagree with the law... whatever.

I used to be chronic at the RIPE OLD AGE of 15... My father scuttled his career to get me out of the life that i was living. It IS a gateway drug, I started off just smoking weed, by time my dad got me moved away and into treatment i was doing Weed, Hash, Hash Oil, Shrooms, Speed and a variety of other pills... if he had left me there for 6 more months i fully believe that I would have ended up doing needle drugs.

I would have HUGE issues with having that in my home. If i had discovered my spouse doing ANY drugs, I would take my child and leave, the MOMENT i found it being used in my house.

I would do what i could to support her from away, but My first responsibility is to my daughters safety and well being.

Nobody, you need to get it documented.

Both her contant drug use, AND your doing all of the caretaking for your child. Get statements from the school, your neighbors and so on. Get them notorized if you can. My neighbors ended up being a huge support to me...they knew how little my ex was at home. So invite the neighbors in, let them see your STBX stoned and asleep in the daytime.

AND still expect that it will be a battle to get full custody. From the outside, it looks like she's a stay at home mom...you will need to disprove that.

Don't make stupid mistakes now. And make a back up plan for yourself. You will likely still be having to give her alimony. If you can't afford the house, you had better be thinking about where you will live.

You will be far from the only one in this economy going through a divorce who is stuck in a really awful financial mess.

As far as the drugs, I know plenty of pot smokers who take care of themselves and their kids.
The kids do not get exposed to it any of it, always a sober person around etc. These type of pot smokers are not a problem normally.

But the other side of the table is there are people who abuse it and it is no different than a drunk. I don't want my kids around any drugs, marijuana or not, same as I do not want them around a drunk or even someone who needs to have a drink or two every night.

As far as throwing people out, I disagree with it in most situations. When someone is in danger, or abused in anyway, I agree, someone should be gone one way or the other.
But things like, I think hes cheating, or he is cheating, or I don't love him anymore or whatever. People are grown adults yet seem to always resort to childish antic because their emotions over run their thoughts.

My ex cheated on me, and once we decided its going to divorce she expected me to walk away from the house and leave it all to her. I laughed and said no. She threatened to throw me out and change the locks where I calmly told her that within one day I would have copy's from the bank with my name on the house and the police would kindly let me in.

Divorce sucks on all aspects, but emotion shouldn't justify everyone's decisions for either party.

let me clarify that pot smoking is unacceptable to me and I would not tolerate it. What I am concerned about is throwing someone out on the streets with nothing after a long marriage w/o doing a intervention and giving them alternatives. She's a low functioning pot smoker, not a mass murderer. It is an addiction and with ultimatums she may decide to get help and as a human being she deserves that right.