Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm a little lost right now and could use some advice about how to get out of a relationship...Some of my friends have suggested that I just ignore her...others have said to just hang out see what happens...a few have suggested murder...that is so wrong, though...those dummies...lol...silly people...lol...silly-billies...lol...
I have seen this quote used a couple of times by Jospring and Mamalyn here on this forum, and it makes sense if you try to apply it to your life.
Sometimes we stay stuck in a situation because it is comfortable there, even if it is not happy. There is comfort in what is familiar. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees for happiness in the familiar or unfamiliar. It is about chances and how willing you are to take a chance, and make a change. One thing that is obvious..you aren't very happy in your present situation.
I don't know your wife or much about her, but you have been in this same, stagnant state of the relationship since you first got here. I have to tell you nothing is going to change because she is as comfortable with the situation as you are, even if she is also unhappy. Nothing has changed for her except for what could be viewed as her obligation to treat you as a wife should treat her husband. You are still in the same home, you are still working your butt off to provide, you still both take responsibility for the kids, you are still both in incredible debt.... You are nurturing what I believe is false hope and she keeps feeding you morsels of hope to nurture because she is comfortable in the way things are now.
So you can choose to stay this way indefinitely or you can take steps to change it. It is up to you. Only you know what you are going to do and you already know it. You are just looking for someone to support you in that decision. Unfortunately, I think the decision you are leaning toward is not one that anybody here can actively support in a way that is telling you that you are making a good choice. However, I do believe your true friends will be supportive and there for you, regardless of what you decide to do. It is up to you...your free will...there are no guarantees. It's a chance.
I know that you may see her as some sort of angel that helped keep you out of the pits of hell because you have alluded to darker times and bad habits before marrige. But that was you too..your choice. She may have been the impetus you needed to get out of that place but she was not your savior and nobody is your savior now. Save yourself.....it is painful but worth it.
((((hugs)))) I wish you strength.
I understand this. In one sense I live it. I have things that I should take care of, but just don't have the time. Those things aren't getting any better (stupid extra car), and just getting in the way (sitting in my garage).
I know what I should do. (Sell it and buy a snow blower.) But I don't, because I'm managing the next crisis, or taking a despirate break.
Isn't that what you've been doing? Working 60-70 hours a week, then crashing. Managing the piles of bills, and just paying the most overdue. And ignoring the failed marriage?
I hope to get through this. (nursing school Will end one way or another some day).
But what will be the end for you? Loosing the house? Divorce? Counseling (you'd have to make time)?
I picture the two of you leading totally seperate lives, at this point. And I don't think that is just her fault. But I have no clue what her issues are, and I wonder if you have a clue either...