My girlfriend of 5 years(best friend for 7) ended our relationship yesterday. First a little background. We met 7 years ago when I had first moved to a new school. Nervous, alone and in this unfamiliar environment she was the first person to speak to me. Literally the first person in this new town to say a word to me. I was blown away she spoke to me because I was instantly awed by how beautiful she was  I almost immediately had a crush on her. She did more than just speak though it turns out we were at the same bus stop and lived very close to me. She was my first friend there. 

Through highschool I dabbled in many different friendships and groups but I never was able to find myself able to fit in anywhere, either getting bullied or just the feeling of awkwardness I was slowly weeded out of many friend groups. 

through it all she never stopped caring for me and I never stopped caring for her. Even before we were dating I'd go to her house almost everyday and texted constantly through the school day. 

Although she was much more social than me she also had issues maintaining any long term relationships through highscool. She would have friends and they would invite her out and boys would constantly give her attention which always killed me because I was always to shy to tell her I wanted her. but as we grew older she developed a social anxiety which made it hard for her to continue the friendships.

But no matter what we were always there for eachother. One day things changed and after watching her get hurt in other relationships I finally gained the confidence to tell her I wanted her. 2 years from meeting her it took me to admit my feelings and it was the greatest decision of my life. 

For the next 5 years as we were dating we finished highschool together, graduated college, grew into adulthood and had an extremely strong relationship only growing stronger by the month. We unintentionally always found more and more ways to express our love to eachother. From small actions to make eachother giggle to exploring eachother physically mentally and spiritually we always found new ways to excite our relationship.

One thing I've left out so far is that a few years into our relationship her social anxiety turned into full on true and powerful anxiety. She had gotten diagnosed late in highschool and had gone into outpatient programs twice, delaying her from graduating college, and forcing her to miss out on big moments in her life. I was there for her through all of it and I quickly, happily and strongly dedicated myself to supporting her through every hardship.

In the past year and a half or so she had seen major major improvement in her major health and I have never been so proud of her. I always complimented her and surprised her with gifts which she loved after every major improment in her mental health.

she still struggles anxiety but has learned to control and understand. Because of her control she's been much better at meeting friends and for the first time in years is able to maintain strong long term friendships. This made me elated to see her prosper and have been excited to be a part of it. Her getting new friends has also made it easier for me to be social for once in my life. I'm able to hang out with her friends comfortably and I've enjoyed having extra company around with us.

All this was true until this following few days. It really occurred to her that she's ready to explore more and meet more people and live free. Which I thought was fantastic, till she said she can't do it with me. She feels that although our relationship can grow to an infinite amount together, we as individuals have reached our growth limit. She feels she has reached her maximum potential as an individual with me in her life and now she much go and find herself even more.

She pointed out that I also have reached my growth limit as an individual with her. She believes the only way I can grow as an individual is if she is no longer in my life. 

I'm devastated. I've put my whole life into her. We've dreamed of our future, our marriage, our home. I've struggled with her and I've had the happiest moments of my life with her and now she's gone. 

Another painful part is that she's right. I have no friends and no direction to go because the only direction I've ever seen is with her. She hates to see me without friends and she feels it's her fault I don't have any and honestly she's right. Ever since I've been with her I've had no desire for friends and I agree that's unhealthy.

Now here I am I have no idea what to do because all I want is her and I cry over her constantly right now but I'm also insanely proud of her for making this step in her life. I'm proud of her for being able to make this major decision independent because its such a major step forward in her mental health. But it also hurts so bad to not have her anymore. I feel split. I feel broken and lost and all I want is to have her back.

The months following we haven't had a single hiccup in our relationship and the week before was an extremely strong peak in our relationship. Which also hurts because it happened so suddenly. One minute were on a new level of connection and the next she's gone. 

I'm lost and have no where to go. This whole story may just be a big jumble of words because I'm in a poor emotional state writing this but feel it helped be just to put this down and express it so sorry if parts don't make sense. I just can't find any guidance anywhere else