Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
i am currently with a man whom i love with all my heart- he is going through his second divorce and having a pretty hard time dealing with his emotions and missing his ex- i am doing all i can to let him talk and i listen ... to try and help him figure out what went wrong and why.. and to just be a friend for him to lean on... but whatelse can i do to help i need some advice- this is hard on both of us and when he hurts i hurt- i just really need to know- is there something i'm doing wrong- btw- please before u suggest anything negative - know that i'm pregnant with his baby...
I think it was very courageous for you to ask for advice given that you symbolize betrayal.
I agree with all the comments here but, I have ONE question. WHAT HAPPENED TO BIRTH CONTROL? I mean, if you are having an affair with a married man, WILL A BABY take him away from the marrige?
WHAT HAPPENED TO BIRTH CONTROL?
I hope this baby was not a pawn in sick twisted game. If not, then, concentrate on your baby and not on what is broken.
A few months ago, Rockn decided it would be funny if she made a huge deal about this guy she was seeing (who also had/has an account on here), so she hacked into his account and had a big ole discussion with herself on here.
The OP was written on the guy's account, and then Rockn showed up and acted hurt and confused about what was going on.
The holes in her little drama were big enought to drive Mack trucks through. Eventually she tried to get people to laugh it off as a joke, because nothing's more hilarious than hacking someone's account on here and inpersonating them.
So now this comes up. I'm wondering if she's "pregnant" with that guy's kid. And maybe next week, she'll find out it was that guy's eveil twin brother who just came out of a coma...
1- He has issues, you have issues. Only he can deal with his. Only you can deal with yours. You are attracted to the idea of helping him, saviour/victim relationship. I can bet you have abandonment issues from childhood that are keeping you from emotionally grow to the opoint that you are 2 independent and willing individuals in this relationship, and you own your share, and he owns his. You don't live for him and he does not live for you.
2- It takes about 2 yrs for a person, on their own, to get healed from div, easily double the time if it is second div, in case he got together with the second wife before he properly healed from the first. happens all the time, and it is called rebound relationship. Ask him the circumstances he met his ex (time after first div). Because he is cheating and sending crap your way, I would think he heas childhood issues too and a rebound relationship. That would be my guess.
3- You have MAJOR low self esteem issues, starting from making a short term relationship sound like a long term one, choosing to be part of him leaving someone else (karma is a bitch, whatever you do comes back to you and you should never be involved with someone in a relationship because it is not all about you being more exiting, fun and sexy than the other one, it is about him needing to upgrade and be in something new all the time, you cannot change him), making it sound like a child legitimates a relationship and using that to threaten people to give you anything you don't want to hear.
4- Do your homework, girl. You have long ways in how you are treating yourself now to a good and healthy relationship. Relationships are a mirror of how we treat ourselves. If you treat yourself right, you will have no problem letting crap pass you by. If you treat yourself like crap you will have no problem choosing for crap too many times. If not for yourself, do it for the child. You need to learn what healthy relationship is, the red flags, to let go of crap by eliminating the common denominator that attracts you to it.
5- Conseiling. A book that has helped me is "The journey from abandonment to healing" Susan Anderson. Gives you he understanding as to how some unresolved issues in childhood can affect relationships later in life. It gives you exercises, tools to reconnect with yourself, and bring the center of your universe back to yourself, where it should always have been. Unfortunatelly tons of girls are raised to be a second citizen, support the man and children and selfless. So we have to relearn to be more selfish and put ourselves first, and expect everybody else to do the same. You don't want to be second choice, so put yourself first, and let crap pass you by.
Hugs, for the record, a thread asking for people not to be negative in their comments is NEGATIVE. Try asking for what you want instead of stating what you don't...just saying. And sorry, that, the child and all teh crap does not increase my simpathy for the fact you were cheating on his wife and you are gettin he same grief you gave someone else. Oh, well....just saying
i wish you the best and i know you did not want to hear this but sometimes the long run ismore important than the short run. i know you want to help but he will not talk or open up untilhe is ready and maybe never and he can take you for granted during this time and move on later....be careful...thisis a very complicated situation.
well he is probably feeling torn between his old life and this new life and had not figured on beginning a new family this soon if he chose to start over.he has alot on his plate.
he may feel somewhat forced to move on and to be with you and trapped because this is alot of changes all at once and he is most likely in shock and over whelmed and maybe holding some resentment if the baby was not planned...
you can not make him talk....i would back off and be quiet and let him talk at his speed.YOu are still in a very complicated situation here and i wish you the best...this will take time because his life is changing almost too fast for him to make sense of and reason if he is where he wants to be ....right now his mind is all over the place ........
my guess is he feels trapped hence fantasy and reality are two different things and if he ran
around on his other wife with you...he is a self
absorbed person too and I would be prepared for him doing the same thing to you. Most cheaters like freedom ,fun, and no ties or responsibility or someone to answer to...they like to be in control and now he isnt.
if i were you, i would back off, be quiet and let this play out and dont push or pull. THE MORE PRESSURE you put on him,the worse it will probably get. that will be hard but will probably be necessary for you to have patience.
it is also hard to be happy when you are torn and feeling guilty and overwhelmed and out of control at the same time...he needs time to think this through and there is really nothing you can do but see where he goes from here and pay attention but patient.
inside you...reality has to be looked at now.
if you decide you dont want the child or take care of it yourself,adoption is a good choice...they are several things you need to look at realistically....he does not seem to
be anyone that is going to stay for the long haul anywhere for anyone or anything...he is a charmer....deceptive...person and that is why his life is so complicated...you cant change him or fix him....and most likely he will run away from this too like he does all other commitments....
now knowing that...what would you do,will you do ...you have a child now....think of your future and decide what is best for you and what is best for this baby.....and realize that you are going to have to make these decisions alone and plan out the next year fast on how you will survive...
it sounds like he is really already out of the picture mentally and emotionally and you could waste alot of time wishing and hoping but that wont change reality....and so realize your expectations have to be realistic instead of dream like...you can only depend on yourself here............
i know that cuts deep but even so no one can change him and it wont change what is...
so have a good cry and then start making plans for you and the baby and pretend he will never be around in your mind instead of pretending he will..........
She is a wolf in sheeps clothing.
Please READ?
is he honest to everyone
is he trustworthy to everyone
is he dependable
is he sensitive compassionate and understanding and self less
is he loyal and faithful
if you dont have those things in a man....you have nothing...............now or ever ever..........
you are clingy for companionship or another warm body...but this is not love....
i dont even know if he is capable of giving love....he sounds like a user........and you fell for his crap......but falling for his crap wont make you treated any different from all the past kids and wives in the past...and you are too young to not wake up and change yourself from this day forward unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your life which is where this is now and where it is headed.......he is no ones future or present...........
now is the time to change yourself and stop trying to change him bec no one can do that but him and you wont do it with all the prodding in the world....you will just prolong the inevitable past history again but this time done to you over and over...
he is not a somebody...he is a anybody...
anybody's never think of anyone but themselves 24/7.....narcistic and users and abusers....and no matter how long you stay with him..he will remain the same....and move onto another woman and another woman and another woman....they like what they cant have....once they have it....they move on...it is the thrill of the pursuit...not the conquest...that is the end.
is he honest to everyone
is he trustworthy to everyone
is he dependable
is he sensitive compassionate and understanding and self less
is he loyal and faithful
if you dont have those things in a man....you have nothing...............now or ever ever..........
you are clingy for companionship or another warm body...but this is not love....
i dont even know if he is capable of giving love....he sounds like a user........and you fell for his crap......but falling for his crap wont make you treated any different from all the past kids and wives in the past...and you are too young to not wake up and change yourself from this day forward unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your life which is where this is now and where it is headed.......he is no ones future or present...........
now is the time to change yourself and stop trying to change him bec no one can do that but him and you wont do it with all the prodding in the world....you will just prolong the inevitable past history again but this time done to you over and over...
he is not a somebody...he is a anybody...
anybody's never think of anyone but themselves 24/7.....narcistic and users and abusers....and no matter how long you stay with him..he will remain the same....and move onto another woman and another woman and another woman....they like what they cant have....once they have it....they move on...it is the thrill on the pursuit...not the conquest...that is the end.