Oh...and for the sake of everyone...

I'm sorry for my explosive rant the other night....for the most part.

I'm sorry for wishing harm, and using most of the language I did.

But I in no way apologize for the general sentiment.

Well said Mark and Giddy.

I would be different if they left on their own terms. They were forced off.

As an "old timer" I miss many of those persons as well. I chose to come back when I needed support and I have now chosen to try and stay in the periphery due to all of the drama. I have enough of my own. We all have a right to post and miss whom we will. It is not a discredit to any others here or their level of supportiveness. We all have fond memories of different persons on this site as well as some that are not so fond. Instead of making it a war of sides. Accept it for what it is. A rememberance and grief for those "gone before their time". (I am cralling back to my shadows now)

Hey guys. What's going on in this thread?

Looks like Lavie was banned. It's fine. He really doesn't care.

I have been thinking about some of the statements here and I wanted to address it one more time. One member says that the people who are missing the banned and suspended members are insulting those left by saying there is 'no support offered here'. I don't believe that is what is being said.

By posting that they are missing their friends they are saying that a certain 'kind' of support is missing. Agreeing with people and hugging them is one sort of support. Another kind would challenge you to think another way. This is not to discount the value of a hug and agreement, but sometimes people get stuck. They come on here.. some times for years and complain about the ex, exS, stbx or whoever and never acknowledge their own part in the demise of their relationship. They never grow. That is missing. I can't say that I have personally grown from someone posting a link to a 'youtupbe' video, but it's a nice distraction.

Having said that, I believe you can encourage a person to remain stuck. I believe the person who is doing the bulk of the reporting is stuck. I have tried to address that with the person, but their capacity for discussing things outlasted my willingness to listen. It is not about getting better as much as its about assigning blame. This person is invested in being right. And it doesn't matter what you say, this person seems to have infinite time and energy to devote to convincing you that they are correct, and you are wrong. I wore out. And I believe this person wore others out as well. Many people. To the point that instead of saying "I won't discuss it anymore" they said STFU. It might 'look' like bullying to you, but I don't believe it was. It went beyond being able to ignore a thread. In was an invasion. And as I said before, this person seems inexhaustible. This person has every right to post here. This person has every right to hold on to their belief that they are totally victimized and never move forward. However, the people who were reported and banned also had the right to say STFU.

Now, by taking sides, this place is resembling a morgue. It HAS changed. It is not as challenging. Growth is not happening.

Someone challenged someone in my life here. After months and months of agreement and hugs from everyone that I was the source of all his problems, someone challenged him. It didn't solve our problems but it pushed us forward. I saw it and I moved us forward. Life is not perfect, but it's better. If certain people had not ever challenged him, he would likely continue to be stuck.
I would like to take a moment to thank ZXJ and Louie for speaking the truth. Even if it was not what he or I wanted to hear.

Don't encourage this practice anymore. Don't buy into this 'bullying' diatribe. You are just helping that person stay stuck.

stop

Wow Bridget....you are making huge assumptions on how people give support on here. Can you honestly say you know how i have given support on these boards since '07? Or privately through messages? I know you are upset about your friends...but please don't think you know me. Oh...and many people like the youtube links. In fact a very good friend of yours does. I'm so tired of this!!!!

I've about had my fill of it too, especially telling people what to think, and the constant criticism of others doing what they themselves do tenfold.

Exactly how did Bridget state how YOU gave your support? I did not see one name mentioned in her entire response....

No, I am not discounting what any of you give... any of you. I said I didn't personally grow from that. I grew from hearing the things that were hard to hear.

My plea is this. Stop the reporting. Stop the censoring. Live and let live. That means ALL of you.

Never reported anyone since i joined.

My plea is this.....understand people have different opinions, and have a right to express them. Also understand that you and your friends are not the only ones hurt by all of this.

I have not seen where anyone was told what to think.... and exactly what do I do tenfold?

My plea is this.. if you don't like someone.. then leave them be.. don't start rumors.. don't pm them.. don't report them.. just simply leave them alone....

Red68, I agree with you. And I am glad to hear you have never reported anyone. Neither have I.

I agree with you too Giddy. Please. Just let them be. Let them speak. If you don't agree, move on.