I recently got dumped by my now ex-girlfriend. I can’t say it was really out of the blue or that I wasn’t expecting it because, in reality, I felt it coming for a while. I saw our relationship not working out the way we hoped but I still fought for it because I love her meanwhile she just sat there and kept herself occupied so she didn’t have to think about it.

She was a lovely girl who at the beginning of our relationship showed so much interested and effort but as college started to begin soon she kind of blocked herself in. She hid her emotions from me and would always make no effort to try to talk, call, or figure out when we can see each other again. At first, I thought it was cause she wasn’t used to college but as the weeks went on I realized it was that she just didn’t care to put the effort in.

She was very neglecting of my boundaries and emotions. When she started talking to this guy a lot on her campus I tried to be ok with it for a month or so up until he had confessed feelings for her in which I asked her to stop talking to him because it made me uncomfortable. I know I can control her friends or anything but I thought this would be understandable to me at least look at my perspective. She told me not to worry and said she wouldn’t stop talking to him because it would be awkward since they have a class together. This is when I kind of realized as much as I cared for her and how much she meant to me, I only mattered to her when she wanted guaranteed attention and I was just an option.

Weeks letter we meet up in person to talk about our relationship. As much pain as she caused me and confused emotions I still wanted to fight for the relationship and have her in my life. I wrote her a letter telling her how I felt to which she said very little about the letter. She said she was too busy for a relationship cause of college and she had slowly lost feelings for me. Which the last part caught me by surprise. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner instead of leading me on for weeks or months? She still wants to be friends and called me a great guy but all I could think and say then is “if I’m such a great guy why are you breaking my heart”?

It’s been 4 days now since the breakup and I’ve kept myself occupied. Been going to the gym, watching tv shows and reading. I still think a lot about my emotions and her. I keep thinking I do want to be friends with her because if she had treated me this way in a relationship then what is gonna make her treat me any different in a friendship. I still want her to be that special person in my life with who I can have a future with but at the same time why do I want someone who would treat me like that. There is someone out there who will treat me the way I want and need to be treated. Maybe it's her years down the line or maybe it's someone who is more willing to commit to me.

I love her with all my heart and gave her everything even when I felt I shouldn’t have. Maybe one day I’ll reach out to her maybe not. If she really wants me or wants me in her life I’m gonna have to let her reach out because I know if I reach out it’s only gonna hurt me more.