Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
More2Life
I had been dating a girl for almost a year. There were a few red flags. She had a temper, and the communication between us was usually a one way street (we would talk, but she wouldn't understand me).
On to the story....
We were supposed to go to Disney World with ALL of our kids. She has two, I have three. There were some unresolved issues that I wanted to discuss before we left on the trip. The discussion never happened, so I ended up cancelling the trip at the last minute.
My ex-wife arrived to drop off the kids, bags packed, etc.
My girlfriend was furious, screaming at me in front of the kids, etc.
I realize the timing was bad, but I was afraid something dramatic would happen in Florida if I went with her, and I didn't want to subject my kids to that.
This was a big stressful situation, and the kids were starving, so I took my ex-wife and the kids to dinner, as they were all in shock and had never seen my gf behave like this.
At dinner, my gf started calling me. I texted her and said I didn't want to fight. I eventually answered her call. She asked where I was. I told her I had taken my ex and kids to dinner. She told me to come home immediately. I said: I can come back after dinner.
She was at my house, and then threatened to start breaking my property. I told her if she did I would call the police. She then called my ex and told her to make me come there. She said: He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.
We hurry up and finish dinner. I arrive at my house and there is a firetruck, paramedics, and police. She had called 911 because she was having a panic attack.
She was taken to the hospital, where she refused treatment. She went to sleep and drove to Florida the next morning with her kids.
While there, she slept, cried, and fought with me via text. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. I suggested counseling when she returned.
Three days later, I was getting ready to take my kids to dinner. My ex was bringing them over. It was about 6pm.
My ex-girlfriend calls and demands to come to my house and get a few things she'd left. Non-essential things. I thought she just wanted to have a fight, so I told her it wasn't a good time. I asked her not to come.
She came anyway. She rang the bell, knocked very loudly... over and over, for about 3 minutes.. I ignored her.. I was still trying to get ready to leave the house to take my kids to dinner.
She then used several large rocks to break the windows next to my door. I called the police. She reached in and opened the door and came in.
I went to my bedroom and blocked the door. She was screaming the entire time. She said things like: "I just want to talk to you!", but I didn't want to have a "conversation" like that.
She forced her way into the bedroom, so I went into the master bathroom and blocked the door again. The entire time, I am holding a phone, so this is quite awkward.
The 911 operator asked me if she had any weapons. I said: No, I don't think so.
I peeked out the door, and she was standing there holding a steak knife up to her throat. I backed away from the door, and she entered the bathroom. I said: "OMG she has a knife!"
I decided it wasn't a good idea to try to fight her for the knife, because either of us could be seriously injured in the struggle. I reached up slowly, toward the knife with my left hand. My motions was kind of like what you do when you're saying "calm down" and hold up your hands.
I put my hand close to the knife blade, as it was erratically moving, and two of my fingers were sliced. I backed away and watched my fingers bleed.
She said she was going to go get my gun, and suicide by cop, because she knew they were coming.
She called me a "pussy" for not fighting her. That hurt my feelings, but I realized that if I did engage with her, I would end up going to prison, or dead.
The entire time, I was in fear for my life. I had no idea if she intended to stab me.
She went downstairs, and the police came. The police told me it was okay to come down.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened.
She was arrested for burglary, aggravated assault, and possession of a weapon while committing a crime. All felonies in Georgia.
She is a certified teacher, and will absolutely lose her certification is convicted.
I feel like this is all my fault. I wasn't perfect in the relationship. She had issues with jealousy. I never cheated on her. She didn't like that I had friends who are female.
Now, here I am. I took out a Temporary Protective Order against her. I want to contact her to tell her that I'm willing to work with her attorney to reduce the charges if possible.
She went to jail for the night, but her parents put up their house to get her out of jail. The bail was $40,000.
I didn't want her to get into so much trouble. All I can say is WTF. I haven't spoken to her since. This happened 4 days ago. I want so badly to communicate with her and see if she is doing okay and let her know that I am willing to help reduce the charges if I can.
I know I should probably try to move on, because this was an unhealthy relationship..
I just need support to deal with this situation.
Is anyone out there?
Thanks,
More2Life
On to the story....
We were supposed to go to Disney World with ALL of our kids. She has two, I have three. There were some unresolved issues that I wanted to discuss before we left on the trip. The discussion never happened, so I ended up cancelling the trip at the last minute.
My ex-wife arrived to drop off the kids, bags packed, etc.
My girlfriend was furious, screaming at me in front of the kids, etc.
I realize the timing was bad, but I was afraid something dramatic would happen in Florida if I went with her, and I didn't want to subject my kids to that.
This was a big stressful situation, and the kids were starving, so I took my ex-wife and the kids to dinner, as they were all in shock and had never seen my gf behave like this.
At dinner, my gf started calling me. I texted her and said I didn't want to fight. I eventually answered her call. She asked where I was. I told her I had taken my ex and kids to dinner. She told me to come home immediately. I said: I can come back after dinner.
She was at my house, and then threatened to start breaking my property. I told her if she did I would call the police. She then called my ex and told her to make me come there. She said: He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.
We hurry up and finish dinner. I arrive at my house and there is a firetruck, paramedics, and police. She had called 911 because she was having a panic attack.
She was taken to the hospital, where she refused treatment. She went to sleep and drove to Florida the next morning with her kids.
While there, she slept, cried, and fought with me via text. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. I suggested counseling when she returned.
Three days later, I was getting ready to take my kids to dinner. My ex was bringing them over. It was about 6pm.
My ex-girlfriend calls and demands to come to my house and get a few things she'd left. Non-essential things. I thought she just wanted to have a fight, so I told her it wasn't a good time. I asked her not to come.
She came anyway. She rang the bell, knocked very loudly... over and over, for about 3 minutes.. I ignored her.. I was still trying to get ready to leave the house to take my kids to dinner.
She then used several large rocks to break the windows next to my door. I called the police. She reached in and opened the door and came in.
I went to my bedroom and blocked the door. She was screaming the entire time. She said things like: "I just want to talk to you!", but I didn't want to have a "conversation" like that.
She forced her way into the bedroom, so I went into the master bathroom and blocked the door again. The entire time, I am holding a phone, so this is quite awkward.
The 911 operator asked me if she had any weapons. I said: No, I don't think so.
I peeked out the door, and she was standing there holding a steak knife up to her throat. I backed away from the door, and she entered the bathroom. I said: "OMG she has a knife!"
I decided it wasn't a good idea to try to fight her for the knife, because either of us could be seriously injured in the struggle. I reached up slowly, toward the knife with my left hand. My motions was kind of like what you do when you're saying "calm down" and hold up your hands.
I put my hand close to the knife blade, as it was erratically moving, and two of my fingers were sliced. I backed away and watched my fingers bleed.
She said she was going to go get my gun, and suicide by cop, because she knew they were coming.
She called me a "pussy" for not fighting her. That hurt my feelings, but I realized that if I did engage with her, I would end up going to prison, or dead.
The entire time, I was in fear for my life. I had no idea if she intended to stab me.
She went downstairs, and the police came. The police told me it was okay to come down.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened.
She was arrested for burglary, aggravated assault, and possession of a weapon while committing a crime. All felonies in Georgia.
She is a certified teacher, and will absolutely lose her certification is convicted.
I feel like this is all my fault. I wasn't perfect in the relationship. She had issues with jealousy. I never cheated on her. She didn't like that I had friends who are female.
Now, here I am. I took out a Temporary Protective Order against her. I want to contact her to tell her that I'm willing to work with her attorney to reduce the charges if possible.
She went to jail for the night, but her parents put up their house to get her out of jail. The bail was $40,000.
I didn't want her to get into so much trouble. All I can say is WTF. I haven't spoken to her since. This happened 4 days ago. I want so badly to communicate with her and see if she is doing okay and let her know that I am willing to help reduce the charges if I can.
I know I should probably try to move on, because this was an unhealthy relationship..
I just need support to deal with this situation.
Is anyone out there?
Thanks,
More2Life
She may be a lovely lady but she deffinitly needs help, she's grown so the reality is she probably won't change her temper. It sound's like a child who didn't get what she wants. And it sounds like all she wanted was your attention, there are many other ways to do that right?
I don't know but it sounds like this will only get worse, luckily you have a protective order which will give you the time you need to see thing's clearly.
I hope you feel a little better today and everyday. :)
I have been burned by chronically depressed women so my perspective is full of trepidation and triggers. If some of my comments sound unduly harsh, I apologize and hope that no one takes it personally. If there is anything in this world that triggers me, it is a depressed person. It's too easy to get sucked into it with them.
I read your last post and you are no ok with this woman being around your kids, but you are still calling her your GF. You need to know I had a man who was abusive BAD and My son saw him hit me once I left I didn't want my kid to think that was ok. I severed all contact with this person for my son's sake.
You need to make up your mind is she your GF and you have no kids or is she your Ex GF and you have your kids????
Lance's last remark - agreed, yet 'Waking up"... easier said than done, lol....
I sat in the squad car (before discovering he was poisoning me), making excuses for his behavor. It was only when the officer was shaking her head yes when I said "I know I sound like a battered woman but..." that it HIT me. Right in the face.... OMG.
And it hurt, and I physically shook, and I was scared - not of him, but of my overwhelming emotions (which is why some people shove the glasses back up further). And I STILL would have taken him back that day....
Next day, my best friend was walking as I was driving home so I stopped, told her what happened and she said "I don't know how to tell you this but..." UGH, the words I'll always dread....
and STILL, I was ready to take him back, until I got home and my NEIGHBOR asked what happened, and when I told him HE said "I don't know how to tell you this but..." and told me the same things my best friend did...
And it hurt.... but slowly began to sink in...
A week later I sold my wedding rings so I'd have money to get the divorce started - but STILL was hoping that he wanted to try to change things...
And about 2 weeks later I filed for divorce... sent him a note that I still loved him and that I was doing it because I couldn't watch him this way anymore... he sent a note back that he loved me too and wouldn't ever hurt me again...
And 30 days after the incident (when the restraining order ended), even though I had the evidence right there in front of me and was beginning to realize what it was, I started talking to him again... when I asked why, sometimes he'd give me an answer, sometimes he'd cut me off and tell me to stop yelling at him (which I wasn't)... and when I asked about the evidence... OMG... the answer was on his face....
And STILL... if he'd said he'd checked into rehab for the 4th (or is it 5th) time, I STILL would have taken him back... But when he began to do NASTY things during the divorce - to make sure it HURT - and not just me but to my son too, I got it. I understood. And I finished it. I woke up.... doesn't mean I'm not tempted to pull out NEW rose colored glasses, but I'm strong enough and awake enough not to.
You cannot take responsibility for the way she responded to the situation. She made choices that sane people would have never made.
Hey, maybe next time she's trying to hurt herself, one of your kids will zing by and she'll slit their little throats instead.
Extreme visual there? Maybe. The fact that you're willing to take this risk with your kids sickens me.
this guy might really be manipulating her in some passive aggressive way.
My ex liked to tell everyone that would listen how I threw a vase at him, it nicked him and his head was bleeding.
That did in fact happen.
What he neglected to tell everyone was that he had been very angry with me for refusing to sign off on a home loan, went on a week long alcohol and pill binge, harassed me verbally for the entire week, finally snapped, got in my face, started screaming at me until saliva was spraying in my face, called me every name in the book and chased me around the house refusing to give me my car keys so I could leave. When he reached to grab me, I did indeed throw the vase at him. In other words, he incited anything that happened to him.
Did you cause any of her behavior by your actions so feel partially responsible for this incident???
I took acttion and ended my relatiionship. It was unhealthy and someone was going to get hurt. Is this the case with this relationship??? You BOTH have issues???
When I decided not to go (based entirely on the instability of the relationship and fear of her having a temper in front of my kids), she took it as me not wanting HER, but instead wanting to have a vacation with my ex-wife. She thought I was choosing my kids/ex-wife (old family) over her. This, of course, was not true, but no matter how I tried to explain it to her, she just wouldn't see reason.
When she came over to my house, and my ex-wife showed up to drop the kids so I could take them to Medieval Times, the girlfriend flipped out. She thought I was "having a vacation" with my ex-wife and kids, and spending every day with her as a "happy family".
In reality, the decision to cancel the trip and "make due" with taking the kids to Six Flag, the Aquarium, different things locally, was because I didn't want to risk an incident involving my gf's temper, which had been escalating over the past few months.
I know she had reason to be upset because I cancelled the trip at the last minute, but her actions were over the top. In my discussions with her, she says she doesn't blame me, and that it was her and her decisions and inability to stay in control that caused the situation.
I appreciate everyone's concern for the well-being of my kids. I am extremely serious about not letting them have contact with her until all of this is settled and both my ex-wife and I are satisfied that my gf is stable. We're going to start the kids in therapy to help them process things next week.
Thanks,
More2Life
More2Life
Your kids are having to go to counciling over this woman and situation and she is still your GF?
Are you choosing her over your Children.
As you put it your GF thought you were choosing your ex wife an dkids over her. Well no matter what you choose your kids over her if she can't deal with then she has to go.
In regards to what part I played in this. Well, for starters, I've been in a relationship with her, and ignored the warning signs. I've allowed her dramatic behavior in my life.
I had hoped that it would get better, but it started to escalate. When she was in Florida, I tried to re-assure her that when she returned we could go to counselling together.
The day she called and asked to come over (she came home from Disney early), it simply was not a good time. I knew my ex-wife was coming over with the kids, and if they arrived at the same time, then all hell would break loose, which it did.
She had from Friday night until Wednesday when this happened to calm herself down and come back to have a reasonable conversation with me. It seemed she just let it stew.
When she called, I told her not to come to my house. She asked if I had other women there. I replied, no of course not. She just wouldn't take no for an answer. She came to my house anyway.
The front door was locked. She broke into the house, broke through the door to my bedroom, and the door to the bathroom.
This was totally unprovoked. I do believe her when she says she didn't mean for me to get hurt, but she did put me in a very dangerous situation.
I blame the medication she was taking, because she's never been physically violent in the past. She has been verbally unkind. Yelling, screaming, and saying very unkind things, but I told myself it was simply because I wasn't doing what she wanted, and I could work on it and make her happy.
This whole situation makes me very sad. I wish people could simply sit down and have a discussion while remaining reasonable and calm. I find that it's easy for me to listen to others and see things from their point of view. This is something that seems impossible for her. She assigns negative intent to a lot of things that have happened, when the decisions and what happened really didn't have anything to do with her.
I can admit that I haven't made the best decisions in this relationship. However, I know that we have both worked very hard. I know that she is giving me her all, and I am doing the same.
The thing that really hurts the most in this entire situation is the fact that after this I don't know that I will ever be able to trust her again. I want to trust that she will seek treatment and remain calm, but I was in complete shock when I opened the door and she was there with a steak knife. I NEVER expected her to have a weapon. I simply just didn't want her to get in my face and scream at me over a misunderstanding. Besides, I had my kids coming over, and I didn't want to be in the middle of her screaming at me when they arrived.
this is a very steep mountain M2L has to climb and unfortunately none of us can take any of the steps for him\\it sounds to me like there is still hope in there somewhere and as I've said a thousand times on this forum, until my malignant hope was 100% dead, I was always at risk of being seduced back.
Faithful, I mentioned snobbery because \i feel the same way you do, I wont be with someone who hs mental health issues anymore either, for the very same reasons.
One boyfriend who has a Cluster B Personality disorder, and my best friend who has a different Cluster B Personality disorder (that sounds remarkably like M2L's gf)and working with the kids I do, whom I care about for sure, and I'm practically allergic to anyone who doesnt have their complete act together.
Reading this kind of stuff, that brings back a lot of the struggles I had, as though they were just last year, saddens me, triggers my compassion for anyone in the throes of the trauma and confusion, and oh man, clarifies how much of a snob \i've become about these things in regards to my own life.
I simply cannot put a price on peace of mind and a calm life.
M2L I look forward to the day when your life is safe and calm again...cuz this kind of thing completely sucks the freedom of your focus to be on anything else worthwhile except this vortex-of-craziness.