Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
More2Life
I had been dating a girl for almost a year. There were a few red flags. She had a temper, and the communication between us was usually a one way street (we would talk, but she wouldn't understand me).
On to the story....
We were supposed to go to Disney World with ALL of our kids. She has two, I have three. There were some unresolved issues that I wanted to discuss before we left on the trip. The discussion never happened, so I ended up cancelling the trip at the last minute.
My ex-wife arrived to drop off the kids, bags packed, etc.
My girlfriend was furious, screaming at me in front of the kids, etc.
I realize the timing was bad, but I was afraid something dramatic would happen in Florida if I went with her, and I didn't want to subject my kids to that.
This was a big stressful situation, and the kids were starving, so I took my ex-wife and the kids to dinner, as they were all in shock and had never seen my gf behave like this.
At dinner, my gf started calling me. I texted her and said I didn't want to fight. I eventually answered her call. She asked where I was. I told her I had taken my ex and kids to dinner. She told me to come home immediately. I said: I can come back after dinner.
She was at my house, and then threatened to start breaking my property. I told her if she did I would call the police. She then called my ex and told her to make me come there. She said: He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.
We hurry up and finish dinner. I arrive at my house and there is a firetruck, paramedics, and police. She had called 911 because she was having a panic attack.
She was taken to the hospital, where she refused treatment. She went to sleep and drove to Florida the next morning with her kids.
While there, she slept, cried, and fought with me via text. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. I suggested counseling when she returned.
Three days later, I was getting ready to take my kids to dinner. My ex was bringing them over. It was about 6pm.
My ex-girlfriend calls and demands to come to my house and get a few things she'd left. Non-essential things. I thought she just wanted to have a fight, so I told her it wasn't a good time. I asked her not to come.
She came anyway. She rang the bell, knocked very loudly... over and over, for about 3 minutes.. I ignored her.. I was still trying to get ready to leave the house to take my kids to dinner.
She then used several large rocks to break the windows next to my door. I called the police. She reached in and opened the door and came in.
I went to my bedroom and blocked the door. She was screaming the entire time. She said things like: "I just want to talk to you!", but I didn't want to have a "conversation" like that.
She forced her way into the bedroom, so I went into the master bathroom and blocked the door again. The entire time, I am holding a phone, so this is quite awkward.
The 911 operator asked me if she had any weapons. I said: No, I don't think so.
I peeked out the door, and she was standing there holding a steak knife up to her throat. I backed away from the door, and she entered the bathroom. I said: "OMG she has a knife!"
I decided it wasn't a good idea to try to fight her for the knife, because either of us could be seriously injured in the struggle. I reached up slowly, toward the knife with my left hand. My motions was kind of like what you do when you're saying "calm down" and hold up your hands.
I put my hand close to the knife blade, as it was erratically moving, and two of my fingers were sliced. I backed away and watched my fingers bleed.
She said she was going to go get my gun, and suicide by cop, because she knew they were coming.
She called me a "pussy" for not fighting her. That hurt my feelings, but I realized that if I did engage with her, I would end up going to prison, or dead.
The entire time, I was in fear for my life. I had no idea if she intended to stab me.
She went downstairs, and the police came. The police told me it was okay to come down.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened.
She was arrested for burglary, aggravated assault, and possession of a weapon while committing a crime. All felonies in Georgia.
She is a certified teacher, and will absolutely lose her certification is convicted.
I feel like this is all my fault. I wasn't perfect in the relationship. She had issues with jealousy. I never cheated on her. She didn't like that I had friends who are female.
Now, here I am. I took out a Temporary Protective Order against her. I want to contact her to tell her that I'm willing to work with her attorney to reduce the charges if possible.
She went to jail for the night, but her parents put up their house to get her out of jail. The bail was $40,000.
I didn't want her to get into so much trouble. All I can say is WTF. I haven't spoken to her since. This happened 4 days ago. I want so badly to communicate with her and see if she is doing okay and let her know that I am willing to help reduce the charges if I can.
I know I should probably try to move on, because this was an unhealthy relationship..
I just need support to deal with this situation.
Is anyone out there?
Thanks,
More2Life
On to the story....
We were supposed to go to Disney World with ALL of our kids. She has two, I have three. There were some unresolved issues that I wanted to discuss before we left on the trip. The discussion never happened, so I ended up cancelling the trip at the last minute.
My ex-wife arrived to drop off the kids, bags packed, etc.
My girlfriend was furious, screaming at me in front of the kids, etc.
I realize the timing was bad, but I was afraid something dramatic would happen in Florida if I went with her, and I didn't want to subject my kids to that.
This was a big stressful situation, and the kids were starving, so I took my ex-wife and the kids to dinner, as they were all in shock and had never seen my gf behave like this.
At dinner, my gf started calling me. I texted her and said I didn't want to fight. I eventually answered her call. She asked where I was. I told her I had taken my ex and kids to dinner. She told me to come home immediately. I said: I can come back after dinner.
She was at my house, and then threatened to start breaking my property. I told her if she did I would call the police. She then called my ex and told her to make me come there. She said: He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.
We hurry up and finish dinner. I arrive at my house and there is a firetruck, paramedics, and police. She had called 911 because she was having a panic attack.
She was taken to the hospital, where she refused treatment. She went to sleep and drove to Florida the next morning with her kids.
While there, she slept, cried, and fought with me via text. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. I suggested counseling when she returned.
Three days later, I was getting ready to take my kids to dinner. My ex was bringing them over. It was about 6pm.
My ex-girlfriend calls and demands to come to my house and get a few things she'd left. Non-essential things. I thought she just wanted to have a fight, so I told her it wasn't a good time. I asked her not to come.
She came anyway. She rang the bell, knocked very loudly... over and over, for about 3 minutes.. I ignored her.. I was still trying to get ready to leave the house to take my kids to dinner.
She then used several large rocks to break the windows next to my door. I called the police. She reached in and opened the door and came in.
I went to my bedroom and blocked the door. She was screaming the entire time. She said things like: "I just want to talk to you!", but I didn't want to have a "conversation" like that.
She forced her way into the bedroom, so I went into the master bathroom and blocked the door again. The entire time, I am holding a phone, so this is quite awkward.
The 911 operator asked me if she had any weapons. I said: No, I don't think so.
I peeked out the door, and she was standing there holding a steak knife up to her throat. I backed away from the door, and she entered the bathroom. I said: "OMG she has a knife!"
I decided it wasn't a good idea to try to fight her for the knife, because either of us could be seriously injured in the struggle. I reached up slowly, toward the knife with my left hand. My motions was kind of like what you do when you're saying "calm down" and hold up your hands.
I put my hand close to the knife blade, as it was erratically moving, and two of my fingers were sliced. I backed away and watched my fingers bleed.
She said she was going to go get my gun, and suicide by cop, because she knew they were coming.
She called me a "pussy" for not fighting her. That hurt my feelings, but I realized that if I did engage with her, I would end up going to prison, or dead.
The entire time, I was in fear for my life. I had no idea if she intended to stab me.
She went downstairs, and the police came. The police told me it was okay to come down.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened.
She was arrested for burglary, aggravated assault, and possession of a weapon while committing a crime. All felonies in Georgia.
She is a certified teacher, and will absolutely lose her certification is convicted.
I feel like this is all my fault. I wasn't perfect in the relationship. She had issues with jealousy. I never cheated on her. She didn't like that I had friends who are female.
Now, here I am. I took out a Temporary Protective Order against her. I want to contact her to tell her that I'm willing to work with her attorney to reduce the charges if possible.
She went to jail for the night, but her parents put up their house to get her out of jail. The bail was $40,000.
I didn't want her to get into so much trouble. All I can say is WTF. I haven't spoken to her since. This happened 4 days ago. I want so badly to communicate with her and see if she is doing okay and let her know that I am willing to help reduce the charges if I can.
I know I should probably try to move on, because this was an unhealthy relationship..
I just need support to deal with this situation.
Is anyone out there?
Thanks,
More2Life
I would work with whomever on the charges provided her probation madates treatment, the order of protection stays in place and she agress to never contact you again.
If, for any reason, you continue contact with this woman, please seek counseling for yourself immediately.
Please talk to your therapist because you're asking for trouble, you really are. I've gotten pretty angry, but that woman is off the hook. She shouldn't have her own kids either.
You can go on her court date and tell the judge and/or prosecutor that you want the charged dismissed or dropped. Let that be your only contact, however. She will eventually get better - however, you cannot be a part of that process.
In the future, you need to be far more cautious who you bring around your kids.
whatever you are feeling for that woman is not love. it is some sort of romantic addiction but it is not a healthy love. it is not normal to want someone who threatens suicide or is aggressive to others with a knife. that is just crazy thinking.
what are your intentions when all is said and done? You say you still have feelings, would you seriously consider getting back with this woman?
I do understand that the relationship is toxic, but somehow I can't help but feel sorry for her. I KNOW our relationship is downright co-dependent. I've enabled her, and she has enabled me.
I appreciate everyone's comments so far.
It is really helpful to have support. I am doing everything I can not to contact her, but I have a very empty, anxious, lonely feeling. I guess that's what happens when you break up.
I am happy to hear anyone else's input. Even if you want to scold me, that's okay. It helps to hear solid reasons why the relationship cannot be.
Of course, I also believe that my self-esteem has suffered a bit during this relationship. It will take me a while to build that back.
Sigh...
learn whatever you need to learn because you are your kids' role model of what an ideal adult man is, how he thinks, and how he lives.
Other than that RUN!!!
This is one of those situations where if you stay in it you will become part of the insanity and you will end up paying a very high price. Don't do this to your life or your kids.
Life is too short man.
Best wishes
I would want her to be in therapy and counseling with me, and do some serious work. It might take some time.
I guess that is the low self-esteem talking. I know I deserve peace in my life, and someone who respects my boundaries. I suppose the idea of having to search for that in the future is daunting.
If I'm absolutely totally wrong, and should never ever get back together with this girl, then tell me. (I think I'll know what you will say, but I just want to be sure!)
Thanks,
More2Life
We had been having problems for the last few months, and her episodes were escalating.