Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
More2Life
I had been dating a girl for almost a year. There were a few red flags. She had a temper, and the communication between us was usually a one way street (we would talk, but she wouldn't understand me).
On to the story....
We were supposed to go to Disney World with ALL of our kids. She has two, I have three. There were some unresolved issues that I wanted to discuss before we left on the trip. The discussion never happened, so I ended up cancelling the trip at the last minute.
My ex-wife arrived to drop off the kids, bags packed, etc.
My girlfriend was furious, screaming at me in front of the kids, etc.
I realize the timing was bad, but I was afraid something dramatic would happen in Florida if I went with her, and I didn't want to subject my kids to that.
This was a big stressful situation, and the kids were starving, so I took my ex-wife and the kids to dinner, as they were all in shock and had never seen my gf behave like this.
At dinner, my gf started calling me. I texted her and said I didn't want to fight. I eventually answered her call. She asked where I was. I told her I had taken my ex and kids to dinner. She told me to come home immediately. I said: I can come back after dinner.
She was at my house, and then threatened to start breaking my property. I told her if she did I would call the police. She then called my ex and told her to make me come there. She said: He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.
We hurry up and finish dinner. I arrive at my house and there is a firetruck, paramedics, and police. She had called 911 because she was having a panic attack.
She was taken to the hospital, where she refused treatment. She went to sleep and drove to Florida the next morning with her kids.
While there, she slept, cried, and fought with me via text. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. I suggested counseling when she returned.
Three days later, I was getting ready to take my kids to dinner. My ex was bringing them over. It was about 6pm.
My ex-girlfriend calls and demands to come to my house and get a few things she'd left. Non-essential things. I thought she just wanted to have a fight, so I told her it wasn't a good time. I asked her not to come.
She came anyway. She rang the bell, knocked very loudly... over and over, for about 3 minutes.. I ignored her.. I was still trying to get ready to leave the house to take my kids to dinner.
She then used several large rocks to break the windows next to my door. I called the police. She reached in and opened the door and came in.
I went to my bedroom and blocked the door. She was screaming the entire time. She said things like: "I just want to talk to you!", but I didn't want to have a "conversation" like that.
She forced her way into the bedroom, so I went into the master bathroom and blocked the door again. The entire time, I am holding a phone, so this is quite awkward.
The 911 operator asked me if she had any weapons. I said: No, I don't think so.
I peeked out the door, and she was standing there holding a steak knife up to her throat. I backed away from the door, and she entered the bathroom. I said: "OMG she has a knife!"
I decided it wasn't a good idea to try to fight her for the knife, because either of us could be seriously injured in the struggle. I reached up slowly, toward the knife with my left hand. My motions was kind of like what you do when you're saying "calm down" and hold up your hands.
I put my hand close to the knife blade, as it was erratically moving, and two of my fingers were sliced. I backed away and watched my fingers bleed.
She said she was going to go get my gun, and suicide by cop, because she knew they were coming.
She called me a "pussy" for not fighting her. That hurt my feelings, but I realized that if I did engage with her, I would end up going to prison, or dead.
The entire time, I was in fear for my life. I had no idea if she intended to stab me.
She went downstairs, and the police came. The police told me it was okay to come down.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened.
She was arrested for burglary, aggravated assault, and possession of a weapon while committing a crime. All felonies in Georgia.
She is a certified teacher, and will absolutely lose her certification is convicted.
I feel like this is all my fault. I wasn't perfect in the relationship. She had issues with jealousy. I never cheated on her. She didn't like that I had friends who are female.
Now, here I am. I took out a Temporary Protective Order against her. I want to contact her to tell her that I'm willing to work with her attorney to reduce the charges if possible.
She went to jail for the night, but her parents put up their house to get her out of jail. The bail was $40,000.
I didn't want her to get into so much trouble. All I can say is WTF. I haven't spoken to her since. This happened 4 days ago. I want so badly to communicate with her and see if she is doing okay and let her know that I am willing to help reduce the charges if I can.
I know I should probably try to move on, because this was an unhealthy relationship..
I just need support to deal with this situation.
Is anyone out there?
Thanks,
More2Life
On to the story....
We were supposed to go to Disney World with ALL of our kids. She has two, I have three. There were some unresolved issues that I wanted to discuss before we left on the trip. The discussion never happened, so I ended up cancelling the trip at the last minute.
My ex-wife arrived to drop off the kids, bags packed, etc.
My girlfriend was furious, screaming at me in front of the kids, etc.
I realize the timing was bad, but I was afraid something dramatic would happen in Florida if I went with her, and I didn't want to subject my kids to that.
This was a big stressful situation, and the kids were starving, so I took my ex-wife and the kids to dinner, as they were all in shock and had never seen my gf behave like this.
At dinner, my gf started calling me. I texted her and said I didn't want to fight. I eventually answered her call. She asked where I was. I told her I had taken my ex and kids to dinner. She told me to come home immediately. I said: I can come back after dinner.
She was at my house, and then threatened to start breaking my property. I told her if she did I would call the police. She then called my ex and told her to make me come there. She said: He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.
We hurry up and finish dinner. I arrive at my house and there is a firetruck, paramedics, and police. She had called 911 because she was having a panic attack.
She was taken to the hospital, where she refused treatment. She went to sleep and drove to Florida the next morning with her kids.
While there, she slept, cried, and fought with me via text. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. I suggested counseling when she returned.
Three days later, I was getting ready to take my kids to dinner. My ex was bringing them over. It was about 6pm.
My ex-girlfriend calls and demands to come to my house and get a few things she'd left. Non-essential things. I thought she just wanted to have a fight, so I told her it wasn't a good time. I asked her not to come.
She came anyway. She rang the bell, knocked very loudly... over and over, for about 3 minutes.. I ignored her.. I was still trying to get ready to leave the house to take my kids to dinner.
She then used several large rocks to break the windows next to my door. I called the police. She reached in and opened the door and came in.
I went to my bedroom and blocked the door. She was screaming the entire time. She said things like: "I just want to talk to you!", but I didn't want to have a "conversation" like that.
She forced her way into the bedroom, so I went into the master bathroom and blocked the door again. The entire time, I am holding a phone, so this is quite awkward.
The 911 operator asked me if she had any weapons. I said: No, I don't think so.
I peeked out the door, and she was standing there holding a steak knife up to her throat. I backed away from the door, and she entered the bathroom. I said: "OMG she has a knife!"
I decided it wasn't a good idea to try to fight her for the knife, because either of us could be seriously injured in the struggle. I reached up slowly, toward the knife with my left hand. My motions was kind of like what you do when you're saying "calm down" and hold up your hands.
I put my hand close to the knife blade, as it was erratically moving, and two of my fingers were sliced. I backed away and watched my fingers bleed.
She said she was going to go get my gun, and suicide by cop, because she knew they were coming.
She called me a "pussy" for not fighting her. That hurt my feelings, but I realized that if I did engage with her, I would end up going to prison, or dead.
The entire time, I was in fear for my life. I had no idea if she intended to stab me.
She went downstairs, and the police came. The police told me it was okay to come down.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened.
She was arrested for burglary, aggravated assault, and possession of a weapon while committing a crime. All felonies in Georgia.
She is a certified teacher, and will absolutely lose her certification is convicted.
I feel like this is all my fault. I wasn't perfect in the relationship. She had issues with jealousy. I never cheated on her. She didn't like that I had friends who are female.
Now, here I am. I took out a Temporary Protective Order against her. I want to contact her to tell her that I'm willing to work with her attorney to reduce the charges if possible.
She went to jail for the night, but her parents put up their house to get her out of jail. The bail was $40,000.
I didn't want her to get into so much trouble. All I can say is WTF. I haven't spoken to her since. This happened 4 days ago. I want so badly to communicate with her and see if she is doing okay and let her know that I am willing to help reduce the charges if I can.
I know I should probably try to move on, because this was an unhealthy relationship..
I just need support to deal with this situation.
Is anyone out there?
Thanks,
More2Life
Maybe she should've been on anti-psychotics?!?!?
Whatever the reason for her behaviour--isn't the safety of your children more important?!?!? Yeesh.
But that having been said, I think you must leave her alone to get the help she needs and to hopefully get her life back onto a healthy and stable track without you.
And you need to get into a Coda group and start attending some regular meetings to work on your codependency, so that you can work out for yourself what a healthy relationship is. This one has obviously become very toxic for both of you.
Please do this for yourself and for your kids. You have these tools available to you, so please use them. And you never know when you are both in a very much better place sometime down the line this relationship may have a chance, but right now you need to be taking care of yourself and your children, and learning to live your own life in a healthy way.
I can not begin to tell you all how much this has helped me today. I have several more days of grieving before I'm finally out of the woods on this one.
The Coda idea is excellent.
Also, it has been suggested to me to hire a maid. Now I'll have to seriously look into that.
If anyone else has something to add, everything that's posted helps. I hope you don't mind if I friend request some of you.
Thanks,
More2Life
The psych med is dangerous and I don't care what anyone says those meds if not rx'd proberly can drive you batshit. I don't want any hate PM's from anyone either. ONCE in my life over 5 years ago I was put on aow dose of Effexor and had a severe reaction. Have and will NEVER take another psyche med. Glad she's offering herself up to be a guinea pig. She's stupid and so is anyone else that does that. STUPID. I don't care who disagress with me, so again no nasty PM's.
Other than that, any other precription drug problems or alcohol issues you may not know about???
Regardless, she is unsafe to have near your children. Period. So if you're crazy enough to have a tryst at a hotel, go ahead. But you're going to continue an abuse cycle.
If you care about her tell her she needs to stop taking that medication and letting the drug companies mess with her. Under the guidance of a proffesional NOT affiliated with a research study of course.
You're relationships are crazy and you're part of the problem, not an innocent bystander.
Essentially, after this incident, the doctors told her she should be weened off of this medication, i.e. detox, so that is what is happening now.
Prior to this, she was a pretty normal girl. I mean, she did have a temper, but she's never been physically violent with me ever before.
I was totally and completely shocked by what happened.
So this is what I'm going to do:
I'm going to meet with her lawyer to get my concerns about the wording of the police report situated. I'm going to give her some time to get herself situated.
I'm going to find a Coda group near me and start attending this week.
you dont do them any favours by trying to save them from the consequences of their behaviour
for whatever reason, medication, mental health issues, illness, bad upbringing, horrible childhood -- people make their own decisions, and its their responsibility to accept punishment and make amends. Its nobody else's responsibility, except MAYBE the drug manufacturers.
Definitely not you..you arent her father, you arent even her husband.
This situation is all her making.
This is not what a normal adult woman does.
CODA will definitely help you see the boundary between you a dn your life, and her and her life.
Its a great suggestion.
Good luck.
you dont do them any favours by trying to save them from the consequences of their behaviour
for whatever reason, medication, mental health issues, illness, bad upbringing, horrible childhood -- people make their own decisions, and its their responsibility to accept punishment and make amends. Its nobody else's responsibility, except MAYBE the drug manufacturers.
Definitely not you..you arent her father, you arent even her husband.
This situation is all her making.
This is not what a normal adult woman does.
CODA will definitely help you see the boundary between you a dn your life, and her and her life.
Its a great suggestion.
Good luck.
you dont do them any favours by trying to save them from the consequences of their behaviour
for whatever reason, medication, mental health issues, illness, bad upbringing, horrible childhood -- people make their own decisions, and its their responsibility to accept punishment and make amends. Its nobody else's responsibility, except MAYBE the drug manufacturers.
Definitely not you..you arent her father, you arent even her husband.
This situation is all her making.
This is not what a normal adult woman does.
CODA will definitely help you see the boundary between you a dn your life, and her and her life.
Its a great suggestion.
Good luck.
you dont do them any favours by trying to save them from the consequences of their behaviour
for whatever reason, medication, mental health issues, illness, bad upbringing, horrible childhood -- people make their own decisions, and its their responsibility to accept punishment and make amends. Its nobody else's responsibility, except MAYBE the drug manufacturers.
Definitely not you..you arent her father, you arent even her husband.
This situation is all her making.
This is not what a normal adult woman does.
CODA will definitely help you see the boundary between you a dn your life, and her and her life.
Its a great suggestion.
Good luck.