You file first

If I file first what does that say? That I wanted the divorce but I don't.

Yikes! Jewel!

This man has a girlfriend! He's introducing her to your kids!

Filing says he abandoned his obligations for another woman and it's unacceptable to you.

Not filing makes this okay with you and says you're going to wait around like a victim to see if he'll take you back. Really? Is that okay with you?

I didn't want my divorce and I filed anyway...I didn't WANT to but I HAD to for my own sanity. Most attorneys take credit cards so charge the retainer and ask him to pay for your legal fees in the petition. The breadwinner needs to bear the financial burden...I know from experience because I, a female, have been the primary breadwinner in my marriage. Do what is best for you! It's ok to be selfish now!

And SassyGrace is giving you great advice!

I am not the breadwinner, he is. AND yeah, she is giving great advice. It is a slow road, I am going to work on the lawyer this week, prayerfully.

Yes I know you are NOT the breadwinner that is why I am giving you this advice from the other side. I am getting screwed over by the process because I am the primary provider so just letting you know how you should take advantage of that. I have learned some hard lessons so want someone to benefit from it. :) go get 'em girl! You can do it!

No, it's not ok Sassy Grace just feeling numb.

He's barely giving me money now to cover the rent, what if he becomes more of an asshole? Then what?

That's what I'm scared about

You don't understand.

Filing is the only way to assure you'll be taken care of financially.

The court will order temporary support payments until they decide on what will be permanent.

He will have to pay or go to jail.

This is when he will try to sweet talk you, when he realizes you're going to fight back.

I know you're in denial, and honestly I fear you will fall for any line of garbage this man tries to feed you.

I hope someone of the others can impress upon you the situation you will find yourself in if you allow him to sway you.

You're right, I don't understand. No one ever shares what happens, so you just don't know what to do. Yes, but I don't want to be in denial. I know now he gives me something

I'm sure it's less than you're entitled to.

You don't have to settle for his handouts like a beggar

You're his wife and the mother of his child/ren.

Do not allow him to have his cake and eat it too and screw you out of what you deserve and are entitled to by law.

This is also why I said do not under any circumstances discuss your plans with him.

Trust the people here. I promise you will not regret it.

I also promise that if you don't, you will find yourself living in misery for a very long time.

It's the rent and a small amount for bills and food, but it doesn't cover everything. We don't communicate, at all.

I wish to God I had had this forum for advice.

I didn't know.

I was scared and also in denial. I froze. My counselor referred me to a kick ass attorney.

My ex believed that due to my emotional state he'd be scot free.

I'm quite sure he's still reeling.