Definitely emotionally disconnected, looking back I should have been able to see but I was in it and couldn't.

Jewel you are a precious gem and deserve happiness. That can only happen if you put closure to your relationship and divorce him. I was willing to take a loan for the money. I believe being gappy is worth the sacrifice. I encourage you to make a few appointments and find a lawyer that you like and they will work with you. I'm praying for your strength. We're here for you.

When they are checked out, you are a non
Person, the door to your old life is closed.
My ex has no remorse or concern for me
Only his lost money.

I never thought my ex could or would ever
Do this. I was in for a lifetime good and bad,
Not him it seems. He refused to work on the
marriage.

I have been no contact since i left town 18
Months ago. He is all in his glory with his new
GF and their life together, she has 2 teenagers.
They live seperately.

He got his financial consequences, my lawyer
Watched my back and was my mouth piece.

Keep as much maturity as you can during these
Times its not easy but it only inflames and incites
All the emotions and feeling. We wrote in a notebook
in the kitchen and kept It civil and the rest thru the
lawyers.

The healing can start after its all over, i went to
Therapy, divorce care and i attend alanon. Keep
Reaching out for support. This is a long hard journey
With no quick or easy fixes. HUGS

Poison, I use to believe that but not anymore. I know I do deserve happiness I just feel broken and not worthy. I know that is not of God. Can't be quick because it took so long to get here. I want just smile things - to feel like eating, to laugh hard as I cry, to be able to look myself in the mirror and not be ashamed. Yeah, I guess that's what I am, a non person. I have been living this lie for too long. I want to start healing.

Yeah Mirandac, I just want to be a whole person, I allowed him to treat me less than a person and put up with it for a long time. I want to be valued and treated like the gem I am. I want to live up to my name.

Definitely consult a lawyer. I already talked to 5 and 3 over the phone for free.

Start by valuing yourself Jewel and saying "you know what, I didn't ask for this, but he's done playing with MY life, livelihood and peace of mind. No more".

Take the power to ruin your life away from him.

Yes, Koko, I will consult a lawyer. I will definitely call Monday. SassyGrace, thank you for the mantra. I gave him power a long time ago, you are right. I need to take back my power.

When my ex started being nasty 12 years ago
Thats where it started, with him taking my power away
As an equal partner and getting passive aggressive
Toward me.

I was attending alanon 2 years before the divorce
So i was no longer a doormat. I learned strong
Boundaries with all bullies, abusers and emotional
Manipulators.

Therapy and divorce care help tons too, HUGS

Alanon? What's that?

Alanon is a twelve step group, like AA
Or CODA. Its a spiritual program of inner
Growth and change. Its not everyones
Cup of tea, my ex stopped drinking 30
Years ago. Both of us come from it and
Both from Dysfunctional families. I have
My issues too. HUGS

what state are you in? unless you are in a no fault state you should have all kinds of leverage with this guy.....hang in there. it is always darkest before the dawn.

I live in New York, He moved to MS. No fault state? ???

Just a FYI about college aged children. In my state, there is no mandatory child support for a person over 18 years, but often arrangements are made if that child is in college. My stbx has stated that there is ZERO college expense for our son who obtained a room & board & tuition scholarship. He's either such an idiot or liar, because I have at least twice told him the fees, books and transportation expenses are real. I didn't make them up. I forwarded a nice summary email to my attorney, complete with receipts. His "free" college runs about $5,000 a year, which will be $20,000 over 4 years. STBX trying to hide from that. Since he was not involved in the college process at all, I guess the expenses are not real, right? Since he doesn't want to hear about them, they don't exist. It'll all come out in the wash, but sometimes there has to be a fight, unfortunately.

Do you have copies of tax returns, bank statements, 401Ks, pensions, etc? You'll need these. Also, you can google Case Information Statement, it's a form where you list the expenses you have to maintain a household. I think every state probably has one. It took me a good long time to complete mine, you might want to start yours now. Don't forget that expenses can vary wildly by season, so look at all of your checks from the last year to get a good understanding of where you spend your money.

Don't believe a word your husband says. Not one word. Trust your attorney and your instincts.

We haven't filed taxes together in at least the past 10 years. We have one joint bank account and we both have a separate one. Tomorrow I will begin to make the list of expenses to maintain the household. Thanks for the advice.