Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
9/13/2022 - 12:33a
I am crushed. In our 6 years together, he’s never made me feel like I didn’t mean the world to him. Like I wasn’t the one good thing he could always count on. Now he’s shut off, completely disengaged from me. I suddenly went from feeling like his most favorite person in the world to something on the bottom of his shoe he’s struggling to wipe off.
No more dotes. No more puzzle pieces. No more pointing out every dog we see. No more forehead kisses and squishes. No more lil family.
I used to have a recurring nightmare in the first years of our relationship. It was never that he cheated, but rather that he would all of a sudden became indifferent and neutral towards me. And no matter how much I begged and pleaded, he would continue to stare almost right through me with emotionless eyes, like he couldn’t even hear me. The relief I’d feel upon waking was immense. He’d be right there to wrap me in his arms and calm me and hold me and kiss me and squeeze the bad feelings right out of me. But now I realize it wasn’t a dream, but a premonition - my biggest fear that I somehow willed into existence to unravel me completely.
I really thought we had what it took to stay together forever, through anything. I’ve never loved someone so fully, the good and the bad, and never knew loss could utterly shatter me like this. He used to promise me that this could never happen to us. But he doesn’t want to work through it with me, as my partner. He keeps saying he needs time away from us to see if the feelings return. I know that even if they do, it may be too late. I may forever be traumatized by this abandonment. I won’t be able to fully trust him not to shatter me again. Either way… it will never be the same.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Try to get the communication opened up between you two.
Nothing gets solved with not talking so it is VERY important to share feelings to work through this issue.
Have there been any recent issues that may have been the cause of these issues?
Being with an alcoholic can be a very emotional roller coaster. If he is no longer sober, then it's hard for you, as his partner, to know what is true or not. Maybe he is just going through one of his "moods" right now. Hopefully, he needs time apart so he can go get sober.
You can not fix him, he needs to fix himself, only if he is willing. Him asking for time apart could actually be a good thing. If he is going to go work on himself and his sobriety.
None of this is your fault. It is important now that you focus on YOU, on your well-being, your own mental health. It is mentally exhausting to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. Please take good care of you now. Self care, connecting with friends and family, taking good care of you each day.
Be thankful for this break. It might not be forever, this might not be over. Use this time as a chance to breathe, to take care of you for a change. Let him go fix himself. You deserve a person who is whole and there for you. Let him go do that. You are going to be okay!! If you're having trouble with this, please seek a therapist to help talk things over. You have been through many years of this roller coaster. Or go to an Al-Anon meeting. You are going to get through this, no matter what happens, you are obviously strong.
Sounds like you got love bombed perhaps while he was sober? He’s had periods of sobriety before, right? And then drinking again? Or what….
You do not have to ride this roller coaster with the same old responses or forgiveness or neediness. His true spouse is alcohol or drugs or both. You and I become the placeholder. Until they go back to their first love, the substance of their choice. It is abandonment and now is your time to look ahead and begin to build a new life. Or ride the roller coaster eternally stuck in codependency. It’s painful, I know.
We can love them so much we keep trying and ignoring who and how they really are. We can love people that are not capable of having healthy relationships. We don’t have to sink with them. Our love is sometimes not enough.
Your dream means you have or had anxiety about his stability. Your inner self, spirit, soul knows deep down. You’ve tried. This is your time to seek clarity for yourself, not from him.
Now you get to work on helping yourself get strong and self loving. CODA and Al Anon are good with showing us what we need to know. There is also Celebrate Recovery that a friend goes to. Stop focusing on him and focus on yourself and your healing. Otherwise you will drown in sorrow and abandonment. Save yourself.
If he takes care of his problems and fixes himself, and you work on strengthening yourself, it will be a stronger marriage. I didn’t have the patience any more and he killed my love. Some women do stand by their man no matter what. I stood by my own self instead. And yes, truthfully if you two get back together it can never be the same because it has to be better.
I don’t think your dream created this situation. I suspect you had an unconscious sense that something was changing or true feelings were being hidden. Did his words and his actions match?
Is it possible that this person has some narcissistic traits and was love bombing you? You may be in the discard phase. He is trying to keep you on a string, probably seeing other people, but keeping you open as an option.
Do you want someone who would treat you this way? Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship where you feel insecure? Do you want someone who says one thing but does another? How would you feel if he came back, and then dumped you again after 10 years? How about after 20 years? Watch some You Tube about narcissism and see if any of the characteristics ring a bell.
I have a family member who eliminated his drinking. I guess the question is whether your partner wants to stop.
I need to talk to someone. Someone who will just listen to my perspective.