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Ghosted by my Husband - What do I do?

ghost23
ghost23

My husband left me on Sunday, after a very difficult 6 year relationship and marriage. He had a past of broken relationships and I naively thought I could love his broken heart back together.


Our actual relationship mainly consisted of me trying to plan a future together and trying to create intimacy and connection between us and him stonewalling and blocking all my attempts to build a family life with him.


On Sunday, I said our relationship was too unhealthy to continue on as it was, we needed to get counselling, or he needed to leave. He left.  He only took a minimum of items with him and has now blocked my phone, facebook etc. and won't answer my emails. Now I am not banging on, begging him to come back, I just want him to get his stuff....the biggest issue is, he owns 4 snakes. He handles, feeds and maintains them and I don't know what to do! Also, he is a borderline hoarder and has taken over 3 rooms of my tiny house....I feel like he might just walk away completely, leaving me to deal with all his stuff and I don't know what to do? How long do I leave things the way they are? I am not a vindictive person, I won't be burning his stuff but I want to be able to move forward and clear my house, as everywhere I look, I see his things. Any advice welcomed...

comply
comply
Can you contact him at his place of employment? In the meantime, I would place all his belongings in boxes in one room. Now for the snakes, if he doesn't return your phone call in 3 days, I will contact the Authorities so that the snakes can be removed from your home.

Lastly, he left you. I would not give him the opportunity to want to come back and begin again. This is his character, his personality, who he is,...he just quits.
ghost23
ghost23
Thanks for your advice, he is working casually at the moment, no place of employment to contact....
foundlove
foundlove
Does he have friends or family you can contact for him to get his things? Where is he staying now all of sudden and like no plan to get his things??? Some people deal with things by not dealing with them. Many people practice denial and minimize situation. I had similar situation where ex fiancé left me with his furniture, his dog, tv dish on my roof... basically left me to deal with everything acting like child. Well he’s immature and child... I was happy to just figure that out and I’m glad he’s not in my life actually. Instead of man I would have had child to deal with and so for you, I feel like with time you may come to see this as blessing. I would contact him though that if you don’t pick up your things within week or two then I’m giving away. Let him know you mean business!
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Yes. I would call his bluff. Text him and say that you don't know what to do about the snakes, so is he going to come get them? Also, as the previous reply said, give him a date that you are throwing his stuff away if he doesn't come get them. However, I would be there if possible, when he does come by to get his stuff. Maybe things have cooled off enough by then for you two to talk about whether this is really over or are you two willing to really try to make this work. Tell him you need to know now. Don't let him make you wait until he decides. Either way, you need to know for sure.
ghost23
ghost23
Thanks for your replies....he has no contact with his family and no real friends, He has been moving around for work, so probably in temporary accommodation. He has blocked contact so I have emailed but there hasn't been a response.....GirlinCalif, he hasn't really ever been able to talk to me about our relationship, don't feel confident he will start now.
All_Screwed_Up
All_Screwed_Up
This is a tough situation to be in. My guess is he will come off ghost mode sooner than later. Especially if he is a borderline hoarder like you say. My understanding is that they are very attached to their things, so I don't see him just not worrying about getting all his stuff. It sounds like you have put in a lot of effort in the relationship. But the hard truth, which I had to realize my own self, is that you can't force a person to feel a certain way about you. You deserve better than what he gave you. It just doesn't seem like the people that really want and are actually willing to put their everything into a relationship and make it healthy and beautiful ever find each other.
Osheana
Osheana
Lol move on mentally first, Trust me if you have moved on mentally- the stuff wont be a monumental issue- this is more about you and your habitual emotional attachment, So you need to get help to pack up what you can all in one room so out of sight out of mind- after a time wherever you live they have a period of time after you have attempted to contact him diligently to remove the parcel - some states, let you auction it off do research for your area,If he cannot be reached maybe contact family member and notify them your intentions with the belongings according to your areas laws pertaining to such matters,Be professional always- and mentally move yourself forward,Once you have let go mentally complete - see the belongings as "items" like left behind from a tenant and it is routine (professional manner)
Peace, Light, enjoy the fresh new path destiny has laid out for you,
comply
comply
What does it mean it he "working casually".? He is still working somewhere. Try to find out where...Do you know any of his friends or family you can contact?
ghost23
ghost23
He fills in teaching at different schools around the district....employed by a district office...
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