Personally I couldn't do it. But I guess it depends if you guys are talking, then be one thing if wanting to work on things too. However doesn't sound like it. Wishing you best on trip but feeling like that are hard to hide.

Sorry you are going through this. I wish I had a magic bullet for you. But I don't. It will be hard.


Maybe you and your ex can lay some ground rules so you are not always underfoot? Can you talk to your family? Maybe not about the decision itself, but more generally about what you are going through? It could lay the groundwork for support later.

Focus on your daughter might help.

Good luck - it will be hard... as will telling folks eventually. but, sounds like you are at peace with the decision so now. You just have to work your way through it.

Start lining up your support system - friends, family...

it sucks for your daughter's big vacation with her whole family,
will be the end her whole family

so sad that adults won't figure out what is that they brought o life into this world for

how to cope? pray, pray that the Holy Spirit will help with what you say and the mask on your face

I just got through a vacation with my husband. Even with some problems created by the OW, I got through it. I just kept reminding myself why I was doing it to begin with.....my kids. They deserved it to be a happy time. We didn't pretend to be a happy family but I was cordial and respectful to my husband and made sure the kids had activities to keep them on the go. If you stay occupied with you child you won't have to answer to many questions right now to your family. Good luck but you can get through it if you both agree on a common goal.

Are you 100% committed to getting a divorce? Can you instead look at this vacation as an opportunity to get away and spend time together and possibly rekindle your rellationship? I realize it's not the ideal scenario since it's a vacation with your families but maybe getting away from the stresses of home will ignite a fire that has been out for too long. If that's unrealistic I understand. I think it will take a lot of strength to get through those two weeks without breaking down. I'm sure it will be obvious to others that something is not right. I'd try to focus on your daughter as much as possible when you're starting to break down or get upset. I find that reading a good book takes my mind off of things so perhaps reading will hep get you through. I also listen to the comedy channel on the radio to divert my attention fro my pain and suffering. Maybe finding something to keep your mind occupied will help you survive. Hugs and prayers for you.

It's a tough scenario, but you're a strong and capable woman. I have faith that you can do this. It's good that you're thinking ahead and searching for ideas/tools for how to get through this.

Thinking about the worst case scenario and what you can do (that's within your control) is a good approach. That way, if it's hard & all goes to sh!+, you'd already come to terms with it, but maybe things will be okay (bumpy, but okay) and once again you'll feel relief.

There are some good comments/ideas here. Refurb's first thought felt a little guilt-trippy to me (but then I'm over-sensitive to guilt tripping, being a codependent personality).

One other thought...there are going to be parts of this that are out of your control (e.g. the STBX). Talking in advance and laying some ground rules will help. But that's out of your hands.

My advice is to be at peace with that. Don't try to control everything & everyone, just yourself. It's too much to take responsibility for everyone in this equation.

On another note, I made it through something similar (but maybe not quite as hard), just a couple of months ago. Last year I moved out on my husband, but then he showed signs of improvement so I moved back after just a short while (long story). During the first few months we worked hard on our relationship, but then it was like everything went back to the same-old-way. While we hadn't yet gone back to planning for divorce, the writing was on the wall.

We had my daughter's graduation party (with family from both sides - who knew about the previous troubles and had their own opinions about our relationship). It felt a little tense, but was manageable. My Dad (who has high expectations for people and comes off as judgmental) even spent much of the day chatting with my in-laws - but didn't talk a lot with my STBX, beyond polite chit chat.

Luckily the party was spread between multiple parts of the house. For most of the time my STBX and I hosted from different areas. We spent some time together, but managed to be cordial and very focused on the graduate and guests.

Then a couple of weeks later my in-laws came for another 1-week visit which we spent at a resort together. It was a little awkward, but my STBX and I were civil, trying to focus on being with family and the goings-on with the kids and the activities we did together and the meals.

Later on my Dad asked me how I could manage to spend so much time with them when we're likely headed toward divorce. I'm pretty good at 'compartmentalizing' and I think that's what I did. That, and focusing on being in the moment with them. I think everyone else did the same.

Good luck. I hope you can stay in touch while you're gone - we're here for support.

GoodProvider,

Did you start the divorce process? How is your relationship with him now?

Yes we've started the divorce process. Anger and hurt at first but we've quickly moved into civil and at times supportive. My spouse wasn't as certain that splitting up was the only option left, but we've put a lot of work into it over many years and it's not salvageable - we're 2 very different people with not much in common anymore.

I'm expecting a roller coaster (particularly when it comes to hammering out spousal maintenance which I'll have to pay him for some period of time because he basically resisted working and thus has to start from the bottom again).