Its a stressful process:( I am sorry for your pain however to be able to discuss is very good. We have ended so badly even that's not there for us.

Breathe.....I deal with panic attacks frequently. Take deep breaths, sit alone quiet for a few minutes and the anxiety will go down. I used to think in my head, what will freaking out on him do? He will feel i control, he has me at his grip. A panic attack is the WORST feeling ever, but panic or not it is not going to change what will inevitably happen. HUGS

And yes get into your doctor as soon as possible. There are short term solutions - I take ativan which is a small white pill and is low enough a dose to not be addictive. It is a pill that I take when the freakout is coming on and within 5 minutes I feel so much better. Your doc will tell you what is best for you in the interim, but in situations like this do whatever you can to help yourself. Taking medication does not make you weak or crazy, but helps deal with the extreme amount of stress you are going through at this time.

Saturday was really bad, I had to leave the grocery store because I thought I was going to pass out, I used my "headspace" with a breathing exercise and it helped. Sunday I spent much of the day in prayer, reading a great book about getting rid of negative labels, by Joel Osteen, and really had a good day. Today it is just awful again. I tried meditating at lunch with breathing but to no avail, feeling a bit better now, but no it will amp up when I go see her today. I want to have control of my emotions when I see her but it is so difficult. I don't want to give her that power.

You are doing everything you can and I commend you for that. You are right, you do not want to give her control of your emotions. Just try to think in your head over and over - this is almost over, I can cry and panic and scream all I want after she is gone, but don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you that way. Can I ask why meet in person? Nothing wrong with that for sure, but I tended to do much better on the phone than face to face.

Go on the anxiety board with those questions
They are a good group of people. There are Meds
out there and some people need them When they
get like that. You have what many Of us have GRIEVING,
depression, trauma, stress And anxiety.

I still have the whole ball of wax just not on any meds.

Do not crash and burn it is very serious situation. Some
Have had break downs do not go there.

I am Trying valerian root at bedtime right now. It acts like
Melatonin to help sleep and its good for the anxiety. It
Makes you sleepy. Sleeping well at night is important to
Staying mentally sane. When i dont sleep well i am more
Moody. I have not slept deeply or well for a long time my
Emotional stuff is right under the surface of so no deep
sleep. Mines more emotional distress.

With any supplements careful what You take and what You
take with it. You do the supplements or do the drugs. See a
doctor And your therapist should advise you too.

I took good quality st john wort time released for depression
and it caused Negative self thoughts. It was triggering my
levels that Did not need to be nudged. I stopped it. Not going
Backwards in my recovery. HUGS

I know exactly how you feel. I've gone so far as to buy a tank of helium and a mask. I put a sign on it that says "wait one hour". That way whenever I'm at an extreme low I give myself an hour to bounce back. It's obviously worked so far. The love of my life of 21 years just left me out of the blue. I lost my first wife (married 19 years) to cancer. All three of my children have mental issues and don't speak to me. I am truly alone.

SBC not sure why meeting in person, just didn't give it any thought. I contacted a Doctor today, I am hoping to get on some sort of medication to just help for a while. Talking does help, just verbalizing and putting words to it seems to ease. Miranda, I will discuss those herbal options you mentioned when I go to the Doctor. I think the no sleeping is probably amplifying all of the emotions that I am experiencing as well. I just desperately want to save my marriage, but I think she just wants out.

Sorry to hear it. Sounds like my shitty situation only 10x worse, so I really am sorry. I'd be in trouble without xanax, so maybe consider that. Lasts longer than ativan too. I don't like pharmaceuticals, but in this area I am flexible. Panic attacks feel like hell on earth. It's good you are in counseling. Hopefully you have a good therapist who will help you get to the root of your anxiety. I think you need to consider why losing this relationship is so hard for you. Are you codependent? Do you not feel that you alone are enough? Because you are. Are you uncomfortable with change? Are you afraid you will not find another partner? I don't think you should center on your anxieties but just get an idea of what you need to work on to get yourself healthy. In the meantime, remind yourself that thoughts of what if this or that happens are not dangerous, they are just worries. You don't know what tomorrow will bring. It might not be as bad as you think. Take care.

I am so sorry 1Daatatime, that is just too much heartache for any one person to endure. I am glad that you have given yourself an out with your note, Keep reading it. I do get the desire, sometimes the pain is just too much.

She has always been the love of my life, my best friend and now I am sobbing. I just hate this.

My husband was my best friend and the love of my life as well, but through this process and the things that have happened my thoughts have changed regarding that. You will be okay, you will get through this, you just need to find your way. XOXO

Like I said before my ex-wife pulled the same thing after 24 years. I had to pull it altogether for our daughter who was 17 at the time. She live with me because her mom bailed out. Yes go to the doctor I did that too I got on Xanax temporarily and another antidepressant but the Xanax helped immediately. Make an appointment and get some it really help me

I am going on Thursday. How we can spend that much of our lives with each other and just throw it away, it is just messed up and so stupid. What is wrong with people? I just want to hold it together to get through our meeting. I don't know what I will focus on, but I need her to not have that power. I just don't know why I cant get angry, it would help so much.

I numbed up during my separation and divorce we
co shared everything we just did not live together. I
really dont know how i got thru it all. We both had
A lawyer that helped and we wrote in a notebook
In the kitchen. We had his business also.

When there is A third party involved the fire works
will keep going off. Usually the cheater has no remorse
or concern By that point. Its over in their mind wether
they have Done the deed or not. Does not matter.

Since going no contact and its been 15 months i dont
know how I would react to seeing him now. He is still
there Deep inside of me and he is getting more like a
shadow Figure. I want him out so badly but it has not
proven so Simple easy or quick after 30 years.

I have handed over my marital bond to God and i need
To truly hand over my ex for him to hold as well so i can
Be free. I just can not seem to do it yet. I am not at the
Acceptance stage of grieving either. Hopefully when
Truly there i can hand him over and be done. HUGS