I agree with Heave. I was spanked once in my life and it was humiliating and I never did that again! My parents never had to resort to spanking because tone of voice did it almost every time. My stbx was beaten by both parents as a child and so is very indulgent and would never dream of hitting his son which I understand, but my stepson also walks all over him because there are never any consequences for anything. Stbx definitely parents out of guilt and is a classic Disney Dad.

Ok this might be long. Believe it or not I agree with both Frank and Heave. Keep in mind that I have no children but I am a child of an abusive dad. I also have noticed the difference in the school system since they took spankings out away. I feel children have to know disipline and consequences. I grew up in the south and still believe in "yes ma'am/ no ma'am". I've noticed a lack of that as well.

When I was growing up there was no mercy. I remember my mom would hit us with what every kid in the neighborhood would call "the strap". Looking back it may have been some sort of belt from the inside of the car. Everyone knew when you were a victim of the strap because it left huge ridges on your body. My dad had a leather belt, at first. And as we grew older he would actually hit you with his hands when the belt just wasn't enough. I don't know what a spanking is or a timeout. I know about getting my ass beat. For this reason I never wanted kids because I felt I would do the samething to my kids. I have since realized different and pray that I would be a better parent. I know it takes a lot of effort not to take your frustrations out on your children.

It was overwhelming to know there was a way to spank your kids and after their tears have dried they can still love you. I grew up in the home with my dad and can't find it in my heart to let go of the way I was treated. As an adult I started reliving the beatings and they turned into night terrors which made for interesting sleep overs, I'll tell you.

In the black community (politically incorrect)there's a saying by parents that "I'll beat your ass now so the police won't have to do it later". For that reason I side with Heave though I would never beat my kid. I've known plenty of grown ups say they were thankful their parents put their foot in their asses and it made them a better person.

Apart of the reason I decided to end my marriage was due to a conversation with the ex about a little girl who didn't lie her frozen chicken nuggets. He felt the little girl should "have her ass beat for telling an adult what they do and do not like. Any kid of mine would most likely inherit my sassa frass like I did from my mom. I believe there is a way to be respectful and grow into who you are destined to be. I guess that's why I've spent my entire adult life trying to find out who I am because there was corporal punishment for that in the past.

Wow Jac Jac, thank you for sharing that.

There is officially pretty much nothing you people don't know about me. Couldn't help but recoil little because I know there is someone here who tends to throw your personal life in your face. But, I don't make it a big habit of being receptive to things like that. Just for the record. I have no secrets now.

Anytime a parent spanks, hits or whatever you want to call it, it is done with anger. That is not good. If someone says they've spanked their child with laughter in their heart and mind, I say phooey!

Children need to learn that what they did is wrong and WHY it is wrong. Age appropriate you explain what could have happened and/or how would they feel if someone treated them like that (and give an example). Is it difficult to do? Yes. Do you have to do it over and over? Yes. And you have to follow through each and every time they misbehave. But in the long run, your children learn to think before acting. They learn to put themselves in the other person's place. And this can be done at any age and should be done from the youngest of ages. Time outs work because you remove the child from the situation so they can calm down and think. Then you explain why they were removed. I don't think just saying you are disappointed is good enough because they still don't understand WHY you are disappointed from all aspects. It teaches not only the child but the parent too the practice of patience and empathy.

I think most of those that you are dealing with Heave are because they haven't learned to stop and think through their actions and how they affect others. Spanking a child won't do that. Spanking them only reinforces acting on your initial emotion.

I have spanked each of my kids. Probably the oldest the most (I was young and inexperienced), the next one less, the last one got spanked maybe once or twice.

I don't think spankings should be used regularly, but I do think they should be used when necessary. On occasion.

I think your kids should respect you, and thus you should respect your kids. But I also think a little bit of fear is a good thing as well. As my kids get older, I become more of a friend, but make no mistake: I am the alpha girl!

I have a friend who's daughter is out of control. She hits her mom, curses at her, etc. She had to call the police recently, and they came and told her to beat her daughter the next time her daughter hits her. Because if she doesn't, the daughter will end up in big trouble. Because she clearly has a lack of respect for authority. Granted, I believe it's mostly her mom's fault, but she has to do now what she wouldn't do when the girl was younger (she's 13 and a big girl). And that's hard to do now.

I always thought if you set the foundation right, hopefully your kids will need less and less discipline as they get older. That just one look from a parent will stop them from misbehaving. And I think that works, with most kids. Until they get to being teens! Then all bets are off!

I agree about spankings are not the answer. Responsible parenting is. I cannot elaborate at this moment because this has caused me a huge trigger and I must hide now...

I just want to clarify: to me a spanking is a swat on the behind. One or two. That's it.

Anything more than that is a beating. And a beating is NOT acceptable.

I was Spanked!!


I was a bad bad boy.

I was just thinking; I don't believe "spanking" your kids teach them that this is how you solve problems. I would like to think that there is a level of respecting the child that has to be involved. I could only guess this is how it's done. I feel when you raise a child you begin teaching and disiplining them from day one. I have seen my fair share of bad ass kids and I cannot tolerate disrespectful and undisiplined kids.

I wasn't a bad kid and I got it for as litte as rolling my eyes. It's hard to accept praise from people because I always wonder who I could have been had my parents just found another way. I'm always in search of in search of love. My sister is a stripper who has now decided to be a lesbian. My brother, who did get any of what my sister and I got, lacks ambition. We had structure but.........obviously something was seriouly lacking.

I don't think kids and adults function very much differently, I mean, look at some of these responses on DS? I have met more if not equal amounts of rude, deceitful, uncontrollable, volatile, whiny, temper fit throwing, angry adults as I have kids. Difference is it's ok to hit a kid not an adult. The world would be a much better place if it were legal to spank adults.

I personally do not believe in hitting. I learned that from my parents. We were 6 kids at home and my parents never touched us. We had rules, but we lived in a rather democatic environment. My father was a sergeant in the French Foreign legion and he used positive reinforcement, so did my mother, but also let us experience the results of our wrong doing. My parents taught us responsibilities and non of us have been in trouble ever. Above all we experienced a lot of love.

I was spanked as a child, pretty harshly, but it only made me determined not to get caught doing anything that would result in a spanking. This included lying and being sneaky. It also made me angry and ashamed.

I turned out ok, so I always thought spanking was fine. Then one day I softly swatted my son's behind. I barely touched him. But the look of betrayal and hurt he turned on me really made me think. I know that if he hit me, that would be the basis for him getting in trouble. I know that if he hit someone else, he would also be in violation of the rules. Yes, some rules are different for kids and adults, but for what reasons? Safety, superior knowledge, etc. Not for use of physical force with impunity. I apologized and after that day I never hit again. Children are full people, and do deserve respect, even though the old school methods don't always admit that. If they don't get respect, this results in a lot of issues later, including anger, inability to respect themselves, set boundaries, etc.

Then I pose this question to you...Why are today's kids so much more angry then past generations? Think about it...More kids are in anger management classes then ever before, school shootings, and many more issues. More parents are turning away from spanking and yet more kids are angry and violent. You can only blame video games and the media so much for this.

Kids were spanked in my day and there weren't any school shootings when I was a kid...things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Heave kids are more angry today because they are spoiled and neglected. The family breakdown has taken a huge toll on society. Violent videos, music, games etc. breeds violent, angry kids. We live in an age of meism. Gotta have the latest and greatest. It all stems from too much tolerance and less structure. Lower standards and fewer morals. Anything goes. Nothing is wrong or bad or inappropriate anymore. There is little to no discipline being handed out in homes because parents either don't care, are absent, are messed up themselves or are too liberal and try to be their kids "friends" instead of authoritative. It all factors in.