Heave - you don't have kids, right? Always makes me laugh when people who don't have kids have such strong opinions on matters relating to kids.

I emphatically do NOT believe in spanking. Teaching your child NOT to do something by hitting them........teaches them - what? That you should HIT to get someone to act the way you want them to? it's ridiculous. I think hitting your child is you haveing a temper tantrum. It teaches violence. "yes Matti - just hit someone and they'll do what you want them to".

Sorry-I feel really strongly aobut this.

Geez Heave, you're talking like you're running a totalitarian regime, not a family. You don't have to rule over children with an iron fist. By definition, you're an authority figure over your own kids. Make sure that your kids will always respect you and you shouldn't need fear as a motivator.

I don't want my son to be afraid I'm going to kick his ass. I want my son to be afraid he's going to disappoint me.

I also never had to yell at my kids. When I talk loudly to my daughter now, she says I'm yelling at her. A lot of parents who avoid spanking do A LOT of yelling.

I don't know, Veeach. I don't ever yell at my kid, but I have the stern taskmaster voice that he recognizes and knows when he hears it, he's in trouble.

Disciplining your kids is mainly a matter of positive and negative reinforcement. Spankings and such are the EZ Bake Oven method of negative reinforcement. I believe if you take your time, you'll find other ways.

Most of the kids I encounter have serious issues with respect. They don't know what consequences are. THere are kids out there where restriction and time outs simply don't work. There are other kids that you can just look at cross and they stop what they are doing.

The thing is that you can't use a cookie cutter mold on every child. Some children taken a good spanking to learn and others don't. It should be a tool in a parents arsonel that they can use if it is needed.

I take that back. I shouldn't speak in absolutes. It's not that I've never screamed at my kid, but I've hardly ever done it. I've probably done it maybe two or three times in his life.

Respect is a two way street. If I want respest from my kids...I have ot give it.

Respect is a two way street. If I want respest from my kids...I have ot give it.

I was spanked as a child and I was also hit with a belt, a flyswatter, really anything my Mom could lay her hands on quickly. It never taught me a thing BUT fear. I think that is why as an adult, I fear men who are loud, intimidating and abusive. So, how did I stay in an abusive relationship for 31 years? Control. He was controlling me with intimidation AND a very subtle form of control... little 'rewards' when he did not "HAVE" to loose his temper "BECAUSE OF ME"!

It's a very sick, sick cycle and it reeks havoc on the abused and the abuser.


Children simply do not need to be spanked if a parent has solid communication skills and has taught the child to be respectful.

Oh...and spanking should never be done in anger or as a knee jerk reaction. It should be done in a controlled situation and never in public.

I started teaching when there was still corporal punishment in schools; now many schools are eliminating it for fear of lawsuits.

I think spanking has its place in the "little bag" of discipline procedures people use. And spanking doesn't work for every kid. I had a nephew who you could spank every day of the week--it didn't bother him because he was smart enough to figure out that the spanking only hurt for a short time compared to the fun he had causing trouble to earn the spanking. For other kids, spanking works well as a punishment.

Will it instill more respect? Not sure. As a teacher, earning a student's respect has a lot to do with how you treat the student, not if you paddle them or not. I've worked for years without paddling in my schools, yet I enjoy great respect among my students, and yes, some even fear me (I can turn on the inner bitch pretty quick when I need to). They respect you if you treat them with respect, have clear, consistent fair rules, and know your stuff.

I was spanked as a kid and I turned out okay. I do think it shouldn't be done with any type of object (belts, hairbrushes, etc.).

Interesting discussion, Heave.

For the most part kids today don't know the meaning of respect. Hell, when I was young and a Police Officer came up to me and started talking to me it scared the crap out of me. One because I knew that I was in trouble with the law and two because I knew that my Dad would find out and I would also get in trouble at home.

I believe in consequences but not spanking. I was spanked as a child and still resent it. My daughter has never been spanked.

Heave, it's like you said in your reply #20: You have to teach kids what the consequences of their actions are. The consequences for poor behavior shouldn't be a spanking. All that will teach them is if they behave poorly they will be beaten.

But if you show them that if they don't do their science homework they will get held back and have to repeat it with kids younger than them while their friends move onto a higher class next year, or if you show them that stealing from a store can get you arrested and land you in jail, etc., you don't really need to lay a finger on them.

This isn't a cookie cutter method. There are unique approaches to showing consequences that you have to employ with every child depending on how he/she is wired.

What's cookie cutter is thinking a spanking is the solution to misbehavior.

Hey guys...I do have to say one retraction here.....I am probably seeing things in a worst case situation because most of the kids I deal with are real pieces of work, just like their parents that really don't want them.

Then again, it is a great break to go to a house for some stupid call and find a house where there are two good parents who care and their kids have manors and respect. Unfortunately, in my experiences, it is becoming more and more rarer.