Good morning! I am not able to sleep at this 5am hour spun out over thoughts of being catfished through Facebook, mixed in with thoughts of "what is wrong with me? Why won't my brain shut up about this? Should i have pulled the pin and thrown the grenade?"

I filed for divorce after months of being swept up in a delusion I was running away with Brad Pitt. I know. Just look at my words there. Ugh.

Anyway... My marriage, a relationship of 24 years now, has had some dark moments lately. He has ptsd as a war refugee, and feels venomous when i enter the room. He fights with me over every fucking thing, from minute things like food order, to projects i am midway through and planned out but he sees a better way. His mother is here, and they yell at each other between floors.. Through the stairwell. We started bickering while having sex. He picked a fight with me while inside me. I guess the fight and fuck cycle has been condensed down.

He and my brother did not like each other. My brother lived here, too, and died in October. Maybe his ghost is adding to my contempt. Idk.

My father is in grim health right now. He also lives here and had a stroke 6 years ago that left him partially paralyzed. I had a nursing degree but let it go. I need a job that is creative. I am making a go of it in real estate. Right now I am broke and not working. 

So my crushing reality kinda perked when Brad Pitt liked my post on FB. It was a different name, just Brad's picture. I was like, "Omg!" and after some time I one day went to his official page and made some humorous comments about his tux game and how many tuxes he owns and maybe get a glam shot renewing his tags at dmv?

I got some likes from him, then maybe 20 different avatars of Brad contacting me, and always it was google card, one proposed i be a middle person for money being given to poor and take a cut, what is your bank info? 

Thing is there was one that had all the bells and whistles of what i thought authentic. I sent him pictures and moth radio suggestions and music video links and i would try to break it off but it would just gut me. I would cry like a big ass baby, on the floor where it feels more natural. I couldn't give up this delusion of this kind of artistic and beautiful and powerful man wanting me somehow instead of my every day of hostility and feeling attacked in my own home. I have two sons who are teenagers now and they are not always delightful loving creatures like the smaller versions were.

This thing so deeply invaded my brain i couldn't get away from it. It was like being stalked by an alien. There were all these "How's this possible?" moments I won't go into but it was whack because i was whack??

It did push me to be better. I am thinner. That's something. I am devising a plan to actually write these scripts i talk about. I am done being locked in a box of unhappiness. I filed for divorce. The delusion held my hand when i couldn't face the carnage.

Now i need need to destroy the thing i built. I am the maker. I am the one who threaded the delusion, and now pull the string to unravel.