Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife is (was) my life, my everything, my reason for living. I put her through some bs during our marriage, as I lost my brother and both parents all during a 5 yr period starting in 2002. I did'nt cope with these loses very maturly, drinking and and tranquilizers. In 2007 I finally got my act together, and we re bonded our relationship. Things were going good, life was good, and we went on some romantic vacations, spent lots of quality time together. In 2014 our 26 yo daughter (who had a history with addiction) became pregnant and wanted to have the child. My wife invited her to live with us as she was basically homeless at the time, and I agreed with it. She and my grandson are still living here, and daughter has been sober ever since yeaa. This is a short history leading up July 4th weekend: I'm 63 yrs old and my wife is 59. We've been married for 37 years. It hasn't been a perfect marriage, however fidelity has not been an issue (that I know of?). Monday morning July 2 my wife went on her daily walk around 9:00 am. Her walks last between 30 and 45 min. normally. At 10:15 I started getting concerned and drove around the block. I found her talking on her phone sitting on the curb about 3 houses from home. I waved and went back home. We met in the garage as we returned at the same time (min or 2 later). I had no time to speak as she went off on me being jealous and paranoid! She has been very short with me over the last year or so. Acts like she can't hear me. And on the rare ocaisions I try being touching with her I get an elbow and derogitory remark. To continue; We went into the house and I calmly asked her what she is so upset about... Then she went off on a long "blanket list" of everything I've done wrong in the last 37 years! With a few add in's I had no idea about! She said she was afraid of me? I never ever touched her in anger. I tried to dig a little as to why she brings all this up now? and why she has been so short with me over the last year? She proceeded to tell me that she doesn't care anymore, and she doesn't love me! I lost my breath! I worship this woman, it was the most hurtfull thing she could say to me! My daughter and grandson came home then. So we picked up the talk a few hrs later. I first went to her while standing, put my hands on her shoulders, and ask her if she loved me, or if they were words of anger? She merely said she feels nothing and started to choke up, which in turn made me choke up. I tried to tell her how devistating this was to me, and she got angry again and blaming me for ancient history again. I asked her whats really going on here? This all makes no sense? Is there someone else? She said no, she would divorce me before she did that. The following morning she said she wanted to divorce me. I tried to talk her into seeking a marriage coach, and she refuses. I tried to get her to tell me what I had done to cause this, and goes back to ancient history. I am very confused, concerned, and devastated. I don't know what to do... Help!
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
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If I come to DS and it won't do anything when I click "Login", I go to a post, click and then click "Leave a Reply". Then it will let me log in.Of course, sometimes DS just goes to "Error 504". Then I can't log in.
I would probably move out for a little while, but do it with a plan.
I'd say : I know you are hurting and want a divorce. I m going to contact a lawyer to protect my rights, but because I care about you and our marriage, I need you to take a month off by yourself - no kids, no me - and just be by yourself, think about who you are and what you want.
If you feel like contacting me, you can, but I will expect you meet with me in exactly 1 month and see where we stand. Maybe I also need time to see if I want this marriage to work. Right now I am still willing to work on our relationship and I strongly encourage you to consider the same.
If she only knew what it is like to live alone. She doesn't realize how difficult it can be and how much she will miss her family.
Whatever you do, be kind, be loving , but don't fall apart. You are the leader, you are the man of this house. She needs to know that you have feelings too and expect respect
Hugs
Rent her a small apartment for the summer some place, because this is where she may have to live if you divorce.
I left work early hoping to be able to talk to her (she has monday off work) and used her phones "find my phone" app to see where she was. The fact that she lied to my face about it, makes me think she was with the other guy. Also said to me "if you want me to leave, Ill find a place to rent or something". I dunno maybe she should. I doubt she will be renting though.
Take it one step to a Time and doing the
next best thing then the next.
Its a pain filled process And the grief is
Pretty Intense and it just takes time. Be
gentle And kind to yourself as much as
possible.
Its a journey and you are not alone, keep
reaching out for healthy help and Support.
HUGS
I went througth the same situation four years ago with my husband. He cheated. said some very nasty things. Made me feel like Shit. I was married for thirty years and he walk in one day and said he wanted a divorce. I knew this was not him, I knew something had gotten a hold on him. I told my husband that new fling was going to bring him down. I gave him his space, we separated for a year. I talk with God first then a lawyer.
The next step, I starting working on me. I search around and Join a new church, I distance myself from his family and friends. I need to heal and mourn. My new church family was very supportive and I develope a relationship with God. That was what I needed and I did not have that in my life and my marriage. I knew then that I was going to fight for my marriage, with the help of God.
I did not contact my husband. After a year he call me and ask me for forgiveness. We have been going strong every since. We both got save and has made God first.
Try God. It works.
Cancel the joint credit cards and bank accounts.
Focus on yourself, not on her.
Protect your financial interests and your health.
Some advise. Each state is a little different
And most situations are a little different.
We kept everything Together until after the
decree. We just did not Live together anymore
and he had no real living Expenses at His mothers
house.
That can add up fast if they do. I did keep him
On my health insurance until the divorce then
he had the option of getting cobra.
Do whats in your best interest watch your Back. Its
worth having a lawyer helping you wade thru All the
legal and financial stuff. It can be very overwhelming.
Many on here got thru it. No one ends up richer and
now its 1/2 Of everything. Its not a fun road and
hopefully you and your stbx behave maturely.
Its the only way to get thru it Otherwise it creates
tit for tat and immature behaviors and actions that
go no where good or healthy. Its a very volatile time
so dig in deep to Stay calm and reach out for support
With Therapy and www.divorcecare.org it really does
help you a lot. HUGS
http://www.moneycrashers.com/getting-divorce-process-finances/
The above I hope will help you to clarify what your priorities are and create an action plan to bring you some peace of mind.
We're the same age...I sincerely hope you will find a way to grow to love your New Independence, and let go of the need to 'know'...follow, pry into your x's life...this will only drive you nuts and can be used against you in court as harassment....time to call your buddies, make that connection in a new church and join a support group for men....your daughter and grandson are in the middle of a toxic situation between you and your ex, try to not involve daughter...best of luck...
I understand it takes two to ruin a marriage, but I have a feeling that if she lied before, she will attempt to take you for all she can financially and in this case you would benefit by not leaving the property.
I am so sorry.
Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.
So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
nude photos of her and so on.
The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
better to show you are indifferent and don't care.
According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
or more successful.
I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.
I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
when you win without lowering yourself.
Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
getting over a past relationship.
Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:
Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.
Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.
Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
confidence.
Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
and help attract better quality women.
Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.
Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.
Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
depressed.
Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
attracted to.
Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!