HELL after reading MOST of the responses on this board, I can see WHY gays would hate bisexuals....I can see why STRAIGHT people would hate us too...we come across as people who just want to sleep around with whomever, whenever we want, without regard to our current partner, because they just aren't "enough"...we can't be monogamous....the grass is always fucking greener on the other side....its like we are schizophrenic....can never make up our minds....AND I see so many posts here where someone will post saying I want to have an experience with a girl BUT I'm already married....and nothing is to be said about the sacred institution of marriage...AND EVERYONE POSTS BEING SUPPORTIVE OF THE OP!!!! (ok well most people) I am bisexual and the whole thing just disgusts me.....I don't even want to be a part of the bisexual community if this is what it is like...doesn't anybody have any morals or values anymore? Is it all about ME ME ME? Doesn't anyone think about anyone else? Doesn't anyone think about how they could be hurting other people???

i had always been brought up to think that everyone was created equal. Its said that even if we are black, white, indian or asin we are equal.The only problem with that it dont include bisexaul peopl. We are people as well.

disarm, i only support a bisexual person getting a same sex partner (when they're already in a hetero relationship) if their current partner fully supports them and would absolutely not if the partner would be hurt in any way. Many men with bisexual women understand and support this. And this also doesn't make someone promiscuous either. For example, if my husband was the only person I ever slept with and he supported me getting a girlfriend.. so if I was with him and that girl, then there would still only be those two people i've ever been with... two people is a lot less than most straight people sleep with!!

WHY get married if you don't want to be fully committed to just one person? Isn't that what marriage is all about? You DO want your cake and eat it too...so do you have to wonder why gay people won't date us? Even go so far as to hate us? They don't want to just be a fling on the side...can you blame them?

first.. a "fling" implies no relationship, no emotionaly connection, and simple sex which is often not what these relationships are about.

why get married? fist, i'd like to remind you that the idea of this till death do us part marriage is fairly new. You get married to symbolize you want to be with that person the rest of your life (polygamists marry more than one person because they intend on staying with those people- period) to me, marriage is a promise to stay with your partner (as long as love is still there and there's no abuse or betrayal, etc) and love them- to offer them support, comfort, and security.

again- if any of this is compromised by a second relationship then there's no way you should do it.. but if your partner encourages or even really wants you to have a same sex partner then why not? no one is hurt in that case.

Wow, this is getting heated, people. I agree, disarm, that if you marry someone, then you should be monogomous. I'm not condoning anyone for their opinion, I'm just stating mine. And no one on here is saying all gays hate bis, just like we're not saying all straights hate bis. We're just saying it's out there and it's as bad as, say Mexicans hating blacks, or some such nonsense. Anyone who is a minority and knows discrimination should not discriminate. Agreed?

I think it really depends on the person.
Just like some straight people find gay wrong and some accept it, but arent gay themselves, some gays like bisexualism, some dont. I dont think its right to classify the whole Gay community as hateing bi's.

Disarm, you have read in these posts a lot that I haven't. Have we been reading the same thing? Most of posters are young people that are not committed yet, and their posts are by and large OK.

As for the "I'm married but curious" posts (elsewhere on the board), you should read them as they are - calls for adultery with a small 'a'. Why? I don't know. Is it fair? Probably not. But bisexual women can get away with much more then men. If you insist on the sacredness of marriage, well you can say that pure physical attraction was not enough to break a marriage, and the women were strong enough to remain with their husband. So there. Does it matter? The infidelity rate is staggering in the US, and what does it matter if it is same-sex or different-sex?

What I want to say is, the part that disgusts you has nothing to do with being bisexual per se.

Actually the part that disgusts me DOES have to do with bisexuality when someone here on the boards INSISTS on being "just friends" with me yet says they have an intense crush on me...YET is married...I told this person that I was incredibly uncomfortable with the situation YET the person insisted on pursuing me....in a more than just friends kind of way...THEN posts that they want their first girl experience and everyone supports it....but she leaves out one MINOR detail...that she is married...oops...and everyone posts supporting her...

But maybe you are right....ADULTERY disgusts me to no end....I think it is sick, I think it is wrong, and I hate how bisexuals will bitch whine moan and complain that gays and straights hate them but then act like the slutty whores that they are getting whatever they can whenever they can and then they go off and cry discrimination....at least that's how it seems on this board...

So sorry if I don't scream from the rooftops that I'm bisexual...but its only because bisexuality has such a bad fucking rap....none of this kind of shit happens within the gay communities that I've been a part of...for the most part, my gay friends have settled down with one partner or have had a series of monogamous relationships....

Well I think that Disarm has covered it pretty well....its not just gays that hate bi's its the "moral" bi's that hate the "immoral" ones.

Of course Disarm, I'm not exactly sure why you would want to equate moral behavior with monogamy? I'm not exactly sure why you think that having a monogamous marriage equates with a better marriage (or a more moral one)? If you have an issue with someone on the forum, deal with that person. Equating one person's behavior an entire group is, to put it kindly, not cool. To put it not so kindly.... well you figure it out.

I'm sure that it would disgust a moral person such as yourself but I've had several long term relationships with married couples who enjoy bringing other people they trust into a relationship for dating and sex, or just sex. For them, it makes their marriage stronger. I do not know one of them that are not still together (unlike the many so-called straight monogamous couples). If that makes them, and me, immoral in your eyes that is just sad.

As for my relationships I simply tell people (mostly women) that I'm bi before I have sex with them for the first time. That way they know what they are getting into (i.e. I enjoy sex with guys). A few have not wanted to date any more, but the vast majority have wanted to continue the relationship. I guess that they, like me, are all disgusting sluts in your eyes.

I can't speak for the lesbian community, but in the gay community that I know non-monogamy is not a problem. Many of the long-term gay couples that I know equate adultery with dishonesty, not with the biblical definition that you ascribe to. I guess they are all immoral people as well. Oh wait, most of those people can't become a part of the "sacred institution" so I guess whatever they do is ok.

In my opinion it is true that some gay people don't like bi people, but some straight people don't either. In my opinion its the same reason that most people have prejudice, fear of the unknown.

pb

i think philly said it pretty well. Although I do not couples whos marriages were damaged or destroyed by bringing in a third party (mine being one of them) for many people, letting their bisexual partner have a secondary partner (not of the same sex of the primary) is not a problem.

as for morals... what do you judge morals on? personally, my morals are simple... i don't do anything that would knowingly or willing hurt anyone. period. meaning that if my husband had a problem for one second with me seeing another woman i would stop in a heartbeat. if it's not hurting anyone.. again, where's the problem?

HLKS weren't you into the poly community? so where do you draw the line? it seems that there is no line... or that you can't draw the line...because you have been posting everywhere else to not get involved in that sort of situation but you defend your own situation to the death...it just seems like a double standard to me....

Disarm, you seem to be at war with human nature. First, the actions of one person (who pursues you even when you say no) say nothing about the group (bisexuals). I have to ask though, how can you get so worked up over an internet harrassment? At this point, it's just words and letters.

Second, there have always been and always will be adulterers. Some partners do care, and some do not. If the partners don't care, what's it to you? They are the only ones entitled to have a say.

Third, the rules of morality have never been drawn sharply. There is always ambiguity. Moreover, a double standard is a rule, rather then exception. We can work towards being more objective, but ultimately, what's the purpose? It'd be purely philosophical. If our lives are good, and if they enrich other peoples lives, and don't hurt anyone, where is the problem?

Besides, I don't like the whole idea of 'morality'. THAT is arbitrary. I try to find actual reasons for my beliefs. I am also against adultery, but I have actual, concrete reasons why it is bad. And I understand that there are situations (few and far between) when adultery is justifiable.

disarm, yes, i did unfortunately get into poly... i was bullied into it which is a painful story. the line is, like you said, hurting people. i've found, through experience and talking to many other poly people, that although there are 'rules' (such as: go at the pace of the slowest person, communicate, primaries come first, etc) they are often not followed and there are too many selfish people who take what should be a beautiful idea and turn it into something selfish and twisted.

the line, again, is pain. if you're doing anything that would hurt your partner.. don't do it. period. also, in the poly community it's not just one man one woman for bisexuals but multiple partners of the same sex. meaning a man with two girlfriends or whatever. and i think this causes more problems because many people uderstand "okay, i can't offer her the same things a woman can because i'm a man" but it starts to get painful and create jealousy when you get "why does she need a second man? she already has me- is she replacing me?" it creates very different feelings.

personally, i'm the type of person that i would never neglect my husband or do anything to hurt him.. so if he says he wants me to have a girlfriend then okay.. i won't pick her over him. i won't ignore him for her and if he begins to have a problem then i'll end it.

the problem would come in if i started ignoring him, started neglecting him, did something he was uncomfortable with or did things to hurt his feelings, etc.

in the poly world, it's generally understood that either partner can date whomever and however many of the whomevers they want. my husband cannot have a girlfriend. period. he already has a woman. now.. if he wanted to go out and get a boyfriend.. then we could talk about it (and under normal circumstances i'd be more accomodating rather than 'we'd talk about it' but since he's cheated there are trust issues which changes things)

i kno!!! they do that all da time!!! they just mad cuz some bisexuals like to have a man n a woman and also because they think that we need to make up our minds.. many gay people have gotten their hearts broken by bisexual people