Agreed.

Richard, I really wish you wouldn't take what I said personally. It wasn't intended that way.

It has just been my experience that most people don't think too far beyond their own front yard. We might think someone is talking about us, spying on us, when in reality we don't cross their minds.

Again, I don't disagree or agree. It is a personal choice to have your profile private.

I'm sorry if I offended.

sigh. really sigh.

Just had our cat put down which was not expected and I came back to this.

People are entitled to have a profile set to friends only - whether they decided to do that on joining up or not.

If a new member set to private complains they don't have friends then that's a result of their actions, by all means point that out to them.

If you don't trust someone who has a profile set to private that's your choice.

So sorry about the cat, Fish

So grateful for your wise words!!!! Amazing, how simple and right absolutely correct

(((BIG HUG))))

I'm new, but I'm old to some. I have opinions. One of them is that people are like onions. The closer you get to the core the harder it is to peel off the layers. That's called self protectionism and is our right as individuals to chose and our right to question...just may not get the answer you would prefer is all.

Why not ask the thousands of people who joined, left their profile private, open to only DS members or open to just friends and then left without a word? Because I can't. Whether they had friends or not I can't help but think of what happened to them and why they left.

I don't obsess over it but I do think about it. Those I wish to hug who are private well that's just too bad for me. As far as the friends I do have I can't even remember if their profile is private to others and there's no way to find out because they're my friends.

Should I agonize over what I might say in a hug because I'm not sure who's going to see it? Well that just a stiffel trigger to me and the best way I know how to get past it is to just do it and hope nobody get's hurt.

Nothing personal but I rarely ask for friendship. I have a problem with rejection so if you're waiting for me to ask you to be my friend I'm sorry. How would I know? Please don't hold my failures against me. If someone asks for friendship and they're new I ask them a few questions before adding them.

I have left just one hanging because the person is not around this board at all, not that that should matter, but I just feel I'm just a number as I have not gotten a satisfactory reply to my questioning the need to be my friend.

BTW, My profile is open to all to see who wish to. They may see my friends just happen to be mostly women. Does that make me a stalker? To some it does. Doesn't mean it's so.

I consider all members here to be friendlies, if not official friends. Even those who may have me pegged as a problem, or a target, or even ignore me.

But those who have chosen to ask for my friendship are more dear to me than the rest. Not favoritism...just the fact...and if you think this is all just a bunch of fdl faddle and skipped to this last line...just call out for "clean up on isle # (whatever post this ends up as)

DS may chose to have it surgically removed and the thread remains the same. They may not too. So you might just have to stretch your stride a little further to get over this puddle of mudd...or just jump in and splash around in it...that would be more fun.

~may all hatred cease and let there be peace~

gosh you mean people might read my hugs and SPREAD THE LOVE...how terrible!

p.s I mean to mention that before I posted I read every single post before I made my statement. Every single post is a mere glimpse at life through the prism of multiple perceptions.

And I'm sorry you lost a companion Mark.

I considered going private until I found out I could make my journals and pictures for friends only..... I have some pretty personal stuff in there that I don't want to share with the world.... but my basic profile is open (to DS members only) so people can get a glimpse of who I am.... then if they want to friend me and read my journals and really get to know me they can.

Private profiles don't bother me.... people have their reasons, the only time I don't like it is when someone sends me a hug and I can't hug them back....

"I just meant if you are spending a lot of time worrying about someone reading your hugs, it might surprise you to find out your hugs are not interesting to others."

Belle!!!! I had just the OPPOSITE experience!!!!

There I was, happily going around giving and getting Hugs and never giving it a second thought when, much to my surprise and dismay, I started receiving Hugs and Messages from a few people who apparently pretty much fucking SUBSCRIBE to my Hugs!!!!
And spend time tracking them down as much as they can.

I'd get a Message from someone, letting me know that they knew some of what was going on in my life because they'd been following my Hugs!!

This was NOT done in a stalking way nor was it done with any kind of malicious intent.

It was quite caring and friendly.
They were giving their input on remarks I had made.
And I was approached with the information openly, as though that's a perfectly acceptable thing to do!!

Well, I guess it is.
Hugs are open, so people can do as they like with them.

But I don't like it. It was stuff that I had never chosen to discuss with them nor did I intend to!
THEY made a point of introducing it into our relationship.

When I complained, one of them just laughed at me and said there's no rules against it.

So since they had no respect for my wishes, I started deleting my Hugs as soon as I got them and answered them through PMs.

That lasted a while.
Then I got sick and tired of doing it.

So, fine. Let 'em read 'em all.
That's just one more reason while CarlaBent must die!!!!
She finds that upsetting.

Eulenspiegel doesn't give a shit. Eulenspiegel doesn't say anything that he doesn't want seen by who the Hell knows who!!!

I wish I HAD a bigger ego than I do!!!
If it had occurred to me that people were following my Hugs like they were a blog or something, I would have been much more circumspect in everything I was saying!!!

The only 'other people's Hugs' that I read are the ones that are smack dab in front of me when I go to leave somebody a Hug and that's only because I can't 'unsee' them, once I do!!

Hahahaha!!! This is a great post, Dee!!!!!
Who would have thought it would go this high!!!!!!!????
((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Sometimes my profile is private, other times not. It depends on how paranoid and anxious I am atm. I work on my paranoia and anxiety with meds and therapy, a shitload of meds and therapy...so my issues have to do with me and my perceptions, however unreasonable. Friend rejection is a biggie. Huge self-esteem issues here. I'm a work in progress. :)

Even posting on the board scares me so much I don't like to give my opinion most times or share. I force myself to put things "out there" because we are all here to share, support, and reach out for help mostly.

And I'm working on it, these distorted notions of mine. I totally get that other people aren't that interested but it doesn't stop my obsessive thinking. It's trauma related. Make sense?

I understand both sides here. Now I'm off to take a xanax. :)

Whatever!! Whatever you want me to think Eulenspiegtal, that's what I think.

I said two times that I don't have an opinion about private profiles AND that I don't care what are in other's hugs.

Now please stop screaming my fucking name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Repeat - I DO NOT HAVE AN OPINION. I'M SORRY AS HELL I OPENED MY MOUTH ON THIS BOARD!!!! Not having an opinion is offensive to some of you???

Fuck it!! I'm outta here. If you are one of the members that are lying in wait for me to speak so you can jump, sorry to disappoint.

OMG- not for nothin- if you think someone referenceing "egos" is mean than you have yet to experience what mean is on DS when one disagrees with you! LOL! Nope- I will not give examples...

Relax, lets breathe in the good let out the bad- it's just a point about not making ourselves paranoid that the majority are hug stalkers... No of course not but I have seen the ugliness that some bring to the boards not just the BP board and if the people with an agenda can get on your profile/hug page etc.. the game is on for them!

So private/open/new/old who really cares? Just do what's best for you.... idk- more important shit to worry about but have fun beating this to death.

@ Mark- I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. (((hugs)))

I have to say it's pretty disingenuous to say 'nobody is interested in your hugs' and that it's 'ego' to even think that.

I can't be the only one who's noticed (or believed) that hugs are being mined for information during various past gossip wars on DS (i'm talking things that blew up on board)

I don't read hugs (beyond those accidentally seen when hugging) big deal. There are some people, I believe, who operate more on a level of 'who is friends with who' & 'who has a bad word to say about who else' and like to play on that/play people off each other.

I believe such people behave like that constantly- in real life & online.

Each to their own but keeping profile closed is good way to ward off those with ill intentions who like to pry.

you know who you are.

I read hugs.
That's why I hug in the first place.
So I can go back and read the hug and think..." Wow....when did I write THAT ! ? "