hi,

I am really needing to talk to someone or at least get advice. I lost a family member 2 months ago almost 3 months to suicide. it will be 3 on the 8th. I don't really know how to handle it. High school is getting really hard I can't concentrate on any of my school work and I keep getting triggers during the day but i feel like I can't talk to anyone. I am talking to a school councelor but I feel like anytime I try to say what happened or how I am feeling I start crying then I can't talk. I feel like I have to tell everyone i am fine when I am not. My family described to me exactly what happened so anytime i get a trigger that is what comes to mind. I know the family member wouldn't want it to bother me during school but I can't help it I get hit with emotions at the most unexpected and worst times. I feel like I am on a roller coaster stuck at the bottom and there is no way to the top. I can explain more about what happened for anyone who wants to message me. 

some memories that I have were that Keyleb and I always went camping anytime I saw him. He always smiled even in the worst situations and even if something was bothering him he never showed it. The last picture I have it showed him not smiling and I feel like I should have known and I should have gotten him the help he needed. the picture was taken a week before he committed suicide. I know I shouldn't blame myself but I can't help it I feel like it is my fault.

If anyone is feeling the same way or got though it can you please give me some advice I am in desperate need. I need someone to talk to.