Hurrah, go for it! No matter what happens, just writing about it gives hope, courage, and determination to do the best each and every moment!


Welcome to this wonderful group!

thank you so much for your reply!!! you're absolutely right, just deciding to have the determination and express it out loud in itself is empowering

Hi! I recommend reading the book "Pearls. Meditations on recovery from hair pulling and skin picking". Also this blog article by Psychotherapist Claudua Miles - http://helpforhairpullers.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/oh-no-i-undid-all-my-progress.html?m=1

I just read this post by Claidia Miles (who I mentioned in my last comment), and it was a great reminder for me.. Just what I needed right now. You might appreciate it too - http://helpforhairpullers.blogspot.com.au/2015/08/dont-try-to-stop-pulling-or-picking.html?m=1

There are a couple of spelling/autocorrect errors but it's great.

was able to lower my hands several times yesterday just by reminding myself that i dont want this

Congratulations! keep it up!

Great job! It's constant effort but it is worth it.

thank you for the support!!! it means so much
yesterday was a bit bumpy but was able to take control by the end
i think in some ways paying too much attention to my every move is really helpful but in other ways its giving trich too much of a central role in my life, the balance between the two is so challenging

I know what you mean. It's a real challenge! Barriers are great because you can turn of your awareness for a bit while wearing them! Eg bandaids on fingers, a hat, wet hair.

ya thats definitely true and a good point

and yet still the strongest barrier is when i can consciously tell myself "you dont really want to do that"

i'm struggling with some other issues regarding trich and getting married.so much of marriage is exposing your vulnerabilities and insecurities to another person in such an intimate way. not that my boyfriend doesnt know me inside out already now, but moving in together, building a home together, means all barriers come down and we see every single aspect of one another. he is the most understanding and gentle person when it comes to issues related to trich, but still now someone else is going to enter into this realm with me and live his life together with me and my trich. its ok i think i can let him in to that but it is such a heavy weight on my heart and honestly on my identity. i dont want it to be part of the life we live together.

And yet sharing is (I believe) a necessary step in your "recovery". If he is a good person (and he sounds like it) I'm sure he'd much prefer to share this journey with you than you keeping it from him. This isn't a popular statement, but I believe trich is for life. That's not to say pulling is for life, no, it definitely doesn't have to be!

I hope you take care of yourself in this high pressure time (well planning a wedding was a high stress time for me). Eg baths, massages, walks, funny movies, seeing friends..

thank you so much confident your reply was so touching and made me tear up. there is so much honesty and simplicity in your wise words.
you are right about his being a good person (he is! and his loving response to my having trich when i told him about a few years ago was what made me fall so deeply in love with him). its definitely our shared journey and he will be there holding my hand as i overcome it.
i like that you said "trich is for life but pulling doesnt have to be" that may very well be true and gives so much perspective - to hear someone say "you may have this forever so just maybe mentally prepare for that" is the scariest thought in the world. but to break it down and say well trich is one thing and pulling is another and you dont have to have pulling forever, makes overcoming it a realistic goal that doesnt have to be full of failure and disappointment

and i love your advice for having fun outlets during this time!!! :)
thank you!!!

Hi Ilanit. When is your wedding? Are you taking any supplements to help your hair grow or that might possibly cut down or take away the urge to pull? Yes, the addiction to pull is very strong, but it can be beaten. Just like an alcoholic who quits alcohol - he is still an alcoholic, but he does not have to drink. Same with trich - we can quit pulling, but always have trich.
My husband is a reformed alcoholic who does not drink. He has no desire to drink any more, but he is always an alcoholic.
So we can look at it in a positive light - that this addiction can leave us. I think trich starts out due to stress, anxiety, trauma, depression, etc., and then soon becomes a deeply ingrained habit. I find if I keep my hands busy it helps. And when I come on the forum regularly for support it helps.

My wedding is in late March so that should give me enough time to grow out any bald spots or shorter hairs enough for the hairdresser to not notice anything is wrong.
Your analogy with alcoholism is so true - always an alcoholic even if you can make sure that you dont drink and start to slip back. i like that and i think its very wise and also a responsible way to treat this and to bear in mind that i will always need to keep my guard up my whole life but that doenst mean i wont be able to get my beautiful hair back and wear it down for all to see. thank you again for your input.



i'm Jewish, and our religious custom is for women to cover their hair after they get married. there are many different interpretations for what type of hair covering is considered lawful and each sect has their own way of doing so - ultra orthodox show zero hair and wear wigs with hats over them. some sects only wear hats, some wear scarves that wrap up your hair completely in a little bun, some wear handkerchiefs with the rest of the hair out loose, and some women choose not to cover their hair at all. since my engagement friends and family have been asking me what i will decide to do. recently i was discussing with my fiance what choice we would make regarding hair coverings. and he told me he preferred that i not cover my hair. i told him i felt that i needed to educate myself on the different rabbinic sources and learn what the different reasons were behind each interpretation in order to properly observe the jewish law. but deep down its not just a religious issue. its also a question of trich. on the one hand i feel like truly overcoming trich will be when i can wear my hair down freely like i used to be able to and to bask in the glory of what is a god given gift ( i dont want to show off or be haughty or conceited but i know that i have beautiful hair soft blond hair and that it is a gift from above). on the other hand i think covering my hair will help me finally kick this awful detrimental deeply ingrained habit once and for all and now i finally have the opportunity to protect myself in a way that no one from the outside will ever be suspicious of. so i'm torn about what the right choice is for me. i think even if i come to understand that jewish law provides that all women must cover majority of their hair, if i kick trich and can finally wear my hair down which i havent been able to do for about two years now, i will make a deal with god that i will not follow that commandment as a sign of my victory over trich and i think he will understand........ but i dont know whats right yet and i'm not ready to say goodbye to my hair and cover it all up for the rest of my life yet i'm also not sure how i feel about not obeying a jewish commandment.... its an issue that keeps tugging at my heart....

Hi ilanit. No problem at all, I'm sorry I only just saw your reply! I've spent many years reading about other peoples experiences with trich, and that has helped me to get these opinions.

That sounds like a tricky dilemma, about covering your hair. I think ultimately your gut will know what the right thing to do for you is.