Hello Ilanit.
I hope you choose to keep your hair uncovered. You deserve it, after your struggle with trich. God will not think any less of you, and you must never think less of yourself for not wearing a head covering. I had no idea that most Jewish women completely cover their hair. I worked for a Jewish family once, and she had long wavy hair and never covered it.

Rules like head coverings are man made rules. God does not judge you over such matters. To me it seems so oppressive and not good for one's self esteem.

I am going out on a limb here leaving myself open, by stating how I feel. It comes down to how you feel of course. Choose what makes you feel happy.

Hiding under a covering seems like a good way to continue pulling forever. I know you do not want that.

xo

thank you both for your responses, its good to be able to talk about this dilemma with others since its one i must face but feel like i have no one to talk to in my own life about it, and its somewhat unsettling.
trickster i think you're right about god not thinking anything less of me for my choices. i really really believe that.
i think there is also a lot of hard truth in recognizing that covering your hair can actually act as a mask which will allow me to keep pulling and then hide it from the outside world. i always assumed that if my hair was covered my hands would be forced to get over the habit and would lose interest in picking. i guess thats one bridge i'll have to cross to find out.
thank you for listening to me, it means the world to me.


(*just to clarify, most observant jewish women do cover their hair. but not all observant women do, and most non-observant women do not, especially in the united states. the reasoning behind it is to reserve your hair which is considered a very sensual and intimate part of the body for your husband. i think some sect's interpretations are indeed somewhat oppressive though that may be because in general i think their treatment of women is unequal. however many other sects view it as a very positive thing that both the man and woman want to retain that certain degree of intimacy that is reserved just for them and with some hair showing all the more so. in addition there is also the fact that i live in an observant society - do i want to make a public statement by choosing to uncover my hair? it will be interpreted by my entire community as that, since they will never know that its indeed because of trich. though again i agree with trickster that ultimately it is between god and i and my fiance and not between society and i)

Interesting to learn. I haven't been exposed to the Jewish faith much (I live in Australia, and I think the community is a bit smaller here).

I'm here to listen :)

thank you so much for saying you're here to listen. it means so much

my trich is the most under control now than it has been in about two years, but still there. its helpful to at least feel like i'm being proactive in fighting it.
coming here to write is a big part of that.
i also use a serum that i find really really helps my hair grow back faster (if anyone is interested its called "energizer hair thickening serum). i've even done trials where i will put some on a spot and the hair will grow back in about a month and a half versus areas that i dont put it on and it can take two or even three months to grow back. so it helps to feel like i'm taking action to repair the damage and eradicate this habit

i hope everyone else listening is doing ok themselves. thank you all for everything.

No problem. It's great you're you're doing so well!

That serum sounds pretty cool.

The conflict between trich and your religion sounds difficult. It's up to you to do what you feel is best for yourself. I'm sure you'll make the right choice, and you are always able to change your mind in the future if you feel like you want to reconsider. I want to say that you should do what makes you happiest, but I also understand that I don't belong to a religion that is oppressed in any way, so I'm sure this issue is much more complicated than I can even realize. I hope you feel you can discuss it here and that we can offer some kind of support!

Glad to hear you are doing well and your trich is not near as bad as it used to be. I find that coming here to write really helps me too. Thanks for the info about the Energizer Hair Thickening Serum. Might have to get some :)

here is a link to the hair thickening serum by HOBE labs Energizer http://www.vitacost.com/hobe-labs-energizer-hair-thickening-serum?q=energizer+hair+thickening&ta=energizer+hair+thickening

i put some on spots either after i shower or before i go to sleep. i really find that it works!! and it has all natural ingredients too which is a major bonus.

thank you all again for your support especially in facing the religious dilemmas regarding trich. i want to meet with a religious authority to get their advice and insight on the issue, but i'm a bit anxious that they wont truly understand me and what it means to live with trich. so being able to speak with you all is extremely empowering.

regarding wedding preparations - i have spent the last week trying to find a hair stylist that i like. i havent found one yet but one of my concerns is how well they will be able to make my hair look seamless and natural without any short tufts or spots showing - even though my goal is to stop picking so that i dont have any spots left, it is inevitable that some hairs will still be growing back and will be shorter. so once i finalize with someone i will need to sit down and have a very vulnerable conversation where i tell her that i have trich. i have only ever willing told 2 people in my life (one being my fiance)

that conversation is looming over me, and i'm trying to muster up teh strength to have it. knowing that i have been relatively successful in fighting off trich since setting this recent goal gives me the strength to be more open about it, and joining this forum and knowing that i'm not alone and how amazing the people in this community are has helped me feel less ashamed. i'm sure whoever i decide to use as a stylist will be very understanding and sensitive... and yet still....

I agree with confident that trich is for life. It certainly has been a part of my life since childhood.


You can do this! Keep doing what works, praise your self for doing what you are doing!

ilanit, I loved reading your posts, you sounds like a very determined woman with an intelligent approach, the trich road is a trichy one, but this forum is my saviour... and I thank you for sharing your concerns, we can all relate.. you are doing an amazing job, keep the hands down and the spirit up ;-)

Good luck with finding a hair stylist. I remember being very nervous about telling my wedding hair stylist about my rich. But once I told her it was such a relief and she never ever made a big deal out of it.

I would hope that most stylists would at least be able to be professional about it. I'm uncomfortable telling them, too, so I just blame the hair loss on a vague "medical condition". It's awkward, but it's never turned out badly. I hope it goes well for you!

Hi all!!! somehow i missed some of these comments, shame!! sorry for the delayed reply!

lulee - thank you so much for your extremely warm and supportive message it has carried through with me for the last few weeks since you wrote it. i'm so touched.

confidenticandoit - thanks for that support, it helps so much to know there are others who have gone through the same thing as me and to hear how they handled things!!! it is so important to feel that i'm not alone. i'm sure my hair stylist will be very sensitive and understanding. and i have no doubt i will feel like the most beautiful person on that day.

mandapanda - i've said the exact same things to my barbers, and you're right they have all been professional. but at a certain point i just got too embarrassed and started trimming my own hair which i always wear up to cover spots anyways so no one has to know that my destiny was NOT in hair cutting lol

working hard to not have any bald spots by the time of the wedding. now is crunch time!!!
i have three months which is enough time for current spots to grow back enough but i cant afford to create any new bald spots or they wont grow back fast enough.
i can do this
i WILL stand there at the end of that aisle and know that i am beautiful inside and out not because of some makeup or hair extensions that make me that way but because of who i am and what i fought for and overcame.
that feeling is more powerful and inspiring than any instant gratification granted from pulling. i need to constantly keep that in mind and remind myself of the immense pride and strength i will feel when i reach that goal.

thank you all for your support and i hope you are similarly making progress in reaching your own personal goals.


*if anyone has suggestions for bridal updos please share!!! i would be so honored to have this amazing community be part of the choice i make for doing my hair on the big day! as you can imagine, for me its not just about the style or the look its so much deeper than that :)

You got this! Hurrah! You can find what works for you!

I like what Lulee said "Keep the hands down and the spirit up " :) I second that :)