I'm one year older than you. I had two "friendships" like that in the past, all about them. It was a huge decision, and I felt terrible ending the "friendships" but once i let those 2 people go, I felt a million times better like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And the best part??? I thought I'd be sorry, but nope, I felt MUCH BETTER after i ended those 2 friendships, I didn't miss them at all!! Do what's best for you, but I guarantee you once you cut the strings you'll feel much better & relieved. It's no fun being in a "friendship" or relationship w/relatives like that.

gotcha both beat. i'll be 71 in august.

my own drive to help people has included a good bit of formal volunteer training. a mantra i carried away from that training is that if i am hurting myself, i am probably not helping anyone. it is all too easy to pave roads to hell with good intentions. hurting myself is a good indicator that i am doing just that.

nobody ever saved a drowning victim by drowning with them, self-care first.

I am almost your age and I am learning for me, to say no. I figured out that I give off an aura of niceness and so get those users. And when I say no, interesting thing is they get mad! And then they blame me for saying no when I mean no.

Arfie makes a lot of sense. I agree with her. We only hurt ourselves when we say yes when we mean no. We end up crying like you experienced or angry to the max.

I've always done helping things, been in a helping profession. And I never said no so I ended up resentful and angry. I thought good people never say no. Boy is that wrong.

My sister is a users and a "poor me" from the 4 control dramas. I realized this in May when she fell and broke her hip. She has issues and does have enough money to pay for home help and did she? No, of course not. She is giving me the silent treatment now via text. Because I gave her blunt message about you can afford to get help and you need to stop whining and do your PT or you will be in a wheelchair. The silent treatment and the poor me is control and manipulation. (I won't tell you how mad this is making me and I have to accept and let it go and not rush to help her.)

Are we allowing ourselves to be manipulated by these people who want to control our own lives to be at their beck and call?

Same age - and learning, only after the horrific experience of legal issues, that I need to take care of me first, as Arfie mentions.

Letting go of business 'friendships' and business 'relationships' and business 'family' is a challenge for everyone whose first plan of action is to step in and help. Saying no gives you true value.

When you've been 'helping' someone and you are feeling the burnout, especially in extended family business relationships, it's a balancing act to put your well-being first. It is really hard to take the first step. The relief and release of debt burden on your feelings, your spirit is worth the effort. Sometimes, less is more.

The aunt, that's a challenge because of what you do for her and what do you want for her is a see-saw balancing plan. With the friend and the "me, me, me' you are tired of being a regular part of, that's easier, since they've not ever shown a personal effort to improve their well-known lack of ..., no matter what it is.

Here's to you. Taking care of you!

Thanks Maria! I had one other friendship like that. I'm glad that you understand. I feel like I just woke up and smelled the coffee. I definitely feel better not talking to her.

Thanks arfie! It does hurt me because it makes me angry and resentful. Happy early birthday!

Thanks hasty! I used to say no all the time but people would beg or manipulate me. I'm sorry about the situation with your sister. Don't let her get to you. Enjoy the silent treatment!

Thanks Mid! Sorry about the piece meal replies. I couldn't remember who said what. Your legal problems were very taxing to you. I'm glad that we are all learning to take good care of ourselves. When my Aunt asks me when I'm coming again, and I tell her, she says she'll be dead by then. I just say oh well, as cold as that seems. She's been dying since her 50s. Have a great Sunday!

Here it is Sunday again! I'm continuing to take care of myself. I turned my brother down about going with him to the beach. I didn't want to go. He told me when he got home that the weather sucked. So glad I didn't say yes. I had planned to visit my Aunt today but then I realized that I will be going to the dentist on Tuesday and then I would be closer to her. I saved myself a 50 minute ride each way and gas money. I did what I wanted to do today, which included napping, the gym, Walmart, laundromat and coffee from Wawa. My Aunt called me a little bit ago and said she looked for me all day. I really didn't give much thought to calling her. She almost never answers her phone because she hides the stupid little thing so no one can steal it. She mumbles on it really bad. I do feel a little bad but I will continue to take care of myself!