I’m learning more and more about triggers. I’m so hurt inside facing my past riding the highs and never saw how much my binge drinking affected my life. One good drunk and 3 days of shame and hiding.
I suffer with anxiety and have been on med. for years. What I have learned is there is a reason it says do not use alcohol while taking. I have been wiping it out of my system weekly. My doctor said one big binge takes 3 weeks for it to help again. Of course I didn’t want to believe.
In this last month being free from alcohol I feel different in my mind. Of course I’m still a wreck but I feel calmer and my thoughts are not so clouded as they always have been.
2 years ago I quite drinking for a few months with the intention to already go back but just be. Sociable drinker.
I remember them how my body and mind felt clear. I was not ready to give up alcohol so I told myself I could control it.
That’s the only time other than now in 20 plus years My mind was organized.
As much as this all hurts I keep reminding myself I have to change for me. I don’t want to go back I don’t want to cloud my mind I don’t want to be hungover.
I hate what alcohol has done to me.

I love my clear mind. I will never go back to the chaos and sadness of alcohol. And I truly know and like myself now which is a whole new world for me. Keep adding sober days and before you know it there will be real change.

Hello all
Still sober been attending meetings and doing my treatment.
Unfortunately home life is still in shambles. She is making it clear I am not welcome and makes me feel like a pile of garbage.
As hard as this is. I am staying focused on alcohol recovery.

Try not to punish yourself for past mistakes. Holding on to guilt can cause far worse problems down the road. We have no control over the past. We can only control what we do, right here, right now, so just forgive yourself for those past mistakes and let go of the guilt. I have a great prayer for that:

"Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for
destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to Peace,
But let YOU use it for me, to facilitate it's coming."

I remember when my sponsor told me to just stay sober and things will get better. Good things happen when we stay sober. So I took his advise and just focused on sobriety and low and behold, my life DID get better! I got a new job that I really liked, I had money coming from places I never expected, and my relationships improved! It was like some Higher Power was doing for me...what I couldn't do for myself! which, coincidently is one of the 12 Promises of AA!
On top of all that, 6 months after my divorce, my ex wife had witnessed all the positive changes in me, and she decided she wanted me back but I was beginning to enjoy being single so I respectfully declined....however, we remain good friends today.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

God Bless

Well done on the continued sobriety!!! Bob's right about how good things happen when we stay sober. The amazing thing about this is, at the time, you may not even see that it's what you needed. Let life flow without arguing the outcome and you find a new level of maturity.

You kept doing it and doing it and doing it and she got fed up with it. You betrayed her trust again and again and again.

You chose time and time again to get drunk. What was she supposed to do, stay there and take it?

If you really wanted to quit booze you would have but apparently getting hammered meant more to you than her. Certainly the buzz of booze has its pull and clearly that pull was stronger than your love for her and your family.

If she were my sister and you were putting her through this it would get violent between you and I. Maybe if your payoff from booze was a knotty hairdo you'd change. Would you change if you knew a beat down would be coming your way?

Don't to this to anyone else and here's what you should do. It's called pharmacological extinction. Go on the medication Naltrexone. Look it up on Google and get into a program and wish you wife well.

alcoholism is an addiction and we have all done terrible things whilst drunk that we regret, that's why we have this group, to support each other through the good and the bad, we are not here to judge and make people feel worse than they allready do.
Kuse has reached out and shared personal details of his life, that takes a lot of guts and trust and we all applaud him for being brave enough to do that.
Just quitting booze isn't as easy as it might seem, otherwise none of us would have been alcoholics - I wanted to give up everyday for 5 years, if I could have just done it, believe me I would have.
Kuse isn't entirely responsible for everything with his wife, she has responsibility also, and we don't know what she has done to him.
He is just sharing and reaching out trying to get help, like we have all done here.
And finally, would never condone violence, that would not help this situation at all. None of us are perfect, and all we can do is try our best.

Wow
Kick a person when they are down.
Everyone else thank you for the support. I am not a bad person. I have a drinking problem that I am finally admitting. Never has there been any violence.

@ Hound
We try to support people here who have a desire to quit alcohol, not give them triggers to make them relapse.
We don't tell others what to do. We are not doctors or therapists. We can only suggest the things that worked for us.

Please have compassion for others.

~~~Peace~~~

Kuse please don’t let that discourage you! You’re on the right path.

Honestly I think this is a good learning experience. While the medication may be effective for some (I know nothing about it, only heard of it) the important work in sobriety is SO SO much more than abstinence. The desire to finally be honest with myself and lose the fear of self discovery is what has saved me. Coming to know my true self is the greatest joy and I never suspected that it was even available when I quit. There is a Buddhist mantra Om mani padme hum that has a loose meaning of; the conscience is my lotus flower treasure. That treasure takes more effort than popping a pill to uncover. IMHO:)

Wow. He’s been sober for over a month. You are on the wrong site here. Anger management is another page. Find another place to vent or we’ll have you removed. This is a support group that has helped a lot of people find sobriety. Where is the pity? Only for you and your anger. Find help. Sorry about your friend. Don’t bother responding as I have blocked you.

There is a saying that I live my life by " Walk a mile in an Indian's moccasins' - empathy - important for us all to remember.

I really appreciate the support. I am not even letting that negative stuff he said bother me nothing he said even made sense from what I have wrote.
Thanks everyone.

What helped me was speaking as few words as possible. Most of what my wife said to me while I was going through outpatient treatment,went in one ear and out the other. I was helpless at changing the past because the past no longer existed except in my wife's mind so I just focused on stay sober an I am glad I did.

God Bless