Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Hurting

Kuse
Kuse

Hello Everyone



I am new to joining a group experience. 



My wife of 20 years filed for prosa Divorce last week and is moving at warp speed to get our marriage ended. 
we have had problems but both chose to ignore. Mine binge drinking once a weekend and Her a form of depression. 
There never has been any type of abuse no legal issues and on the most part we got along good up until a week ago. I hurt her with my drinking over the years and have been in denial about alcoholism. I have sought help for my drinking and enrolled in a program. 
I love my wife and realize now the damage drinking has caused. I am just broken inside. I do not want a divorce. I am giving her space and have left the house for over a week already I do have to go back and live in spare room. I have tried to talk to her but all she wants to talk about is how to split everything up and divorce. She refuses  to talk about our marriage. She refuses to even consider any counciling. 
everything I read says give space and time. 
Looking for advise I'm hurting so bad inside.  I've cried so much this last week. 
I hope to share more with this group. I was not sure how to start. 

Kuse
Kuse
I will thank you all
iamheretoo
iamheretoo
How are you?
Kuse
Kuse
I am surviving. One day at a time. Trying to enjoy the little things in life. It will be 1 month tomorrow with no drinking. I’m at peace with my decision to get help and recover. I actually feel a sense of relief not to have to plan around my hangovers.
Treatment has been going well.
Still broken inside on the divorce side. Giving her space and not pushing anything.
Thank you for asking.
Shiney
Shiney
Congrats on the one month, the first month is the hardest, just keep going, know we are all here supporting you, keep looking after you - I promise that things will get better, just focus on you and your sobriety, keep feeling the feelings and then follow up with something positive. One day at a time !
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
That feeling of relief will get stronger. Relief will be in knowing that you are being an adult who is learning what true health is all about. Congratulations on your month tomorrow. This is remarkable. Like Shiney said: we’re here to support you.
iamheretoo
iamheretoo
How are you doing?
Kuse
Kuse
Rough night last night.
Doing good with my program. Had a very good session yesterday.
Came home I’m back at house and our conversation escalated quickly. She kept talking about our divorce and seeing the lawyer tomorrow.
That led to me trying to talk because I don’t want to do this.
Lots of anger and hurt on her side throwing out fights from 15 plus years ago but mostly present last few years and how she is done dealing with it all I had my chance. She does not want to wait for me to go through my recovery. And deal with alcoholism.
She just wants out.
iamheretoo
iamheretoo
Definitely keep on your program. And congratulations to you for your success! As Finally says your life will get better. It will.

So sorry that your wife isn’t willing to reconcile. Big hug from Colorado. Lean on us all you need to and reach out to your friends and family too.
Kuse
Kuse
Thank you
Today has been super hard. Had a breakdown emotionally. I feel every thing I say I make things worse. I’m not ready to deal with divorce. I’m not ready to make these life changing decisions with selling and splitting our stuff up. 21 years together we have a lot of stuff.
She wants the house. She has no ideas what I am going through. Accepting I have an addiction and working toward being a better person and recovery. Then the stress of where will I live and moving ect.
Just a lot of pain today worst so far. Hurt so seep inside.
Shiney
Shiney
Are you able to go away on a holiday for a couple of weeks to give you both space ? At this point, your wife sounds angry and not ready to talk, as hard as it is for you, you need to get away from the situation so you can breathe, grieve and process everything that is going on at the moment. She will not be reasonable at this point, and is thinking of herself, not you, we all feel your pain and know this is such a difficult time - I think we have all probably been through this at some stage in our lives, but so important you take care of you.
Kuse
Kuse
I do have some time unfortunately we have an agreement to not spend any money outside of paying down debt. Because we are doing prosa.
I want to honor the agreements because in the end outcome Less debt to split the better.
I am going to ride it out and try to distance for now.
Until we have the appraisal done I know I have to protect myself so I will not commit to anything. She is moving on with thought she will keep house so I’m just going to let it sit now and address when we know what numbers we have. Sucks and I feel shameful for this but I do have to protect myself
Had a council appointment today it helped.
I want to thank you for your response and everyone. You all have been so helpful. I can’t tell you enough how grateful I am for this.
Shiney
Shiney
Do not feel shame for protecting yourself, you are important and if you don't protect yourself - who will ? What is prosa ? Keep talking here and letting it out, I know I am sober today because of doing that here. I write a journal daily and in the early days, released all those feelings and got them out of my system. You can make it private or public, is a healthy way to release. I remember being in your wife's position, and the anger is consuming & it doesn't matter what the other person is feeling or saying to us, we don't see or hear it - we can't control how other people feel, only ourselves.
iamheretoo
iamheretoo
Checking in Kuse. How are you?
Kuse
Kuse
Hello
Thank you for asking.
I continue to fight to get through each day. Had a few breakdowns and just cried.
I know I have to keep pushing forward and alcohol recovery is the main goal but all the feelings of losing my Wife, divorce are so hard to deal with. I don’t want to drink and I will not. I just want so bad for us to talk and work things out.
She has always know I was an alcoholic I was the one in denial. For her to say now she does not want to deal with it just does not make sense to me. This should be the best time I admit and am working in treatment to better myself and be alcohol free.
The pain is just so intense.
We are selling our land we had for our future retirement
Selling a project vehicle I had.
Waiting for house appraisal in two weeks.
So much happening all in one month.
Shiney
Shiney
we can't make people love us, no matter how much we want them to - as hard as that is, it sounds like she is moving on & as painful as that is for you, will be healthier for your mental health if you can accept it. This is such a terrible time for you, and we feel your pain.
Maybe some men here can relate and tell you what they did to look after themselves.