Thanks for the advice. She’s 130 lbs. don’t know her dose. Don’t think I would get a straight answer. She has struggled with mental health since early teens. Also loads of brain power with no common sense.
I read Emotional Intelligence over the winter and it was dry but insightful. Well researched. Gave me a look into some of her struggles.
I LL assume that you stayed the course today and added another day to your journey. Hope you get some sleep. There’s an app called Insight Timer that has thousands of free guided meditations. Puts me out in minutes. The ones for kids are really sweet.

There is no going back now Finally, I still feel very sluggish,but I was feeling like that anyway. I think I have probably done a bit damage after 20 years, and now need time to heal. Boris is easing the lockdown slowly but haven't got the inclination to go anywhere, I think there is a little depression here, started after weeks of lockdown then daughters relapse. She is back home on 85mils of meth and suffering. I'm going to read that book. Addiction is so selfish. I never really felt anything but a little buzzed in fact hubby didn't think I had a problem until 2 years ago, but the last 3 years I have noticed I was slowly becoming less interested in the things I enjoyed. Although I have made a cracking job of the flowers in the garden so maybe I'm being hard on myself and its difficult doing me things as they don't interest the 10 yr old grandson, Schools have been closed for nearly 4 months now and go back in September, for how long is anybody's guess. Hot hot hot here, dark haired and fair skinned so this temperature doesn't suit me. By hot I mean 26 degrees lol Loads of speculation here 're Covid19. We know farmers are slaughtering cows as the restaurants account for nearly 50 percent of the beef and they are still not open. So farmers now have calves getting ready to be slaughtered. What a waste with half the world starving but of course it's not financially viable to butcher the livestock then give it away.car manufacturers have fields and fields of unsold cars and as the prediction there will be another wave in the fall and we import so much fruit and veg we could hit a famine. Shelves in shops not stocked like they used to be, not helping by most people stock piling. Not a large freezer to be bought anywhere yet. Can you tell I have not really spoke to anyone today lol

I love it!! My wife doesn’t talk to many people either and I love listening to her until she realizes that she’s done most of the chatting. Then I usually tell her about my day and fail to really say how I feel. It’s a habit that I’m trying to break. I have been the caretaker for a long time and I am putting that down. Not expressing my feelings isn’t working anymore for me.
I’m impressed with your resolve. I stopped on my first try and am DONE. I guess we had enough:)
Your energy will increase. When I quit I knew my body needed to heal but I wasn’t aware that my mind had been so jaded. I see it as a return to innocence. My drinking was low key also. Alone and still went through the motions but without the spark. That’s returning and it feels right. Slowly slowly.
Glad your daughter is home. Although that’s a continuous caretaking role for you.
Wish peace for you

You ok Finally, hot and humid here not good for sleep as I can't leave the window open, too much traffic noise. I am researching chickens lol The last lock down I couldn't get eggs??? And when I was small I loved to stay with my grandma and next morning I would walk go into the garden and pick my own egg, delicious. So I am researching how to make a success with laying, have to think about foxes although not seen one yet in the garden and hoping the dog will be ok with them. Hope all is ok with you and yours

Hi there. I’m good thanks:) we’ve had so many days of perfect weather that I was actually getting bored of it lol. Rainy afternoon so I really enjoyed my walk and a book after I dried off.
I’m in the country on a dead end dirt and so thankful for the quiet. 30 minutes to a store but little farms all over with fresh eggs. I don’t think I could go back to the pale yolks of factory farmed chickens.
Meant to send a hello but figured you’d be asleep. Wishful thinking as my wife says. We don’t have AC but I installed a ceiling fan over the bed and that does the trick. Of course I have the luxury of open windows.
Few fox here but coyotes howl at night in their packs.
I will check in tomorrow with an update on my daughter.

Hi Kaza. Morning here in New England and have a chore day. Hours in the garden yesterday and just have to finish tending the squash. (building up hills with compost then laying down straw for the vines to stay out of the dirt) Zucchini is flowering so will have lots in a few days I built a pea trellis this year that is working well to support them. Never had the plants so tall and productive. Sad to see my spinach patch go to seed as I won’t plant again till August.
Keep forgetting to plant sunflowers for my granddaughter so I’m doing that for a fall crop for the birds this winter.
Spent a day with my daughter last week and am going to have a meeting with her counselor about a sober house. She needs a space where there’s no temptation. Well, less anyway. Hoping she can start building a life for herself. She’s taking 110 mgs by the way. No desire to reduce so that worries me. As you said, an addiction bigger than her.
I just realized that I’m approaching 1000 days sober so I will work out the date and post that. I quit on the 11 th so I notice when it’s another month but it’s become not so important to me.
There’s a local business here that leases chickens with a coop and lessons for raising them. Then you can give them back if it’s not for you. Ticks are a problem here with Lyme disease and the chickens will spend the day eating them.
Heading to the coast soon? I haven’t been in the salt water yet. This week I’m going to start a weekly swim.
Have a good day

Hi Kaza. Just checking in. Hope you’re doing well and enjoying the shore. Looking out into that endless expanse brings me to an older time. Stirs a wildness.

Hi Finally, I am good thank you, seeing the physical results is inspiring. Eyes brighter, skin better, sleep better :) We have just come back from a few days staying in a popular fishing village. Nothing tastes as good as freshly caught lobster and fish, seagulls were a bit of a problem !!!! However I craved a nice glass of red wine, just one as the Sun was setting and we were sitting on the balcony, so it was a must that I got off that balcony. Restaurants here have a menu of 4 dishes due to social distancing and reduced numbers of people, so going out to eat is not as pleasurable. How is your daughter? Mine manages 3/4 days then goes awol. Although she is on meth because she uses the w/ds are at their worst at 3/4 days and so the pattern continues. Better than using every day but I'm afraid she doesn't want drug free strong enough. Is your wife home now. I'm very impressed that you have been able to spend so much time alone. While I crave the chance of a few days, impossible for it to happen, hubby couldn't cope lol Trying to find a yoga class that is open, did it years ago and want to do it again. While I still have the ability to not only touch my toes I can almost but my hands on the floor (and no I don't have short legs lol) I am feeling stiffer. That's all my news, tell me yours x

What a great example you will be for your addicted daughter! When she sees how happy you are and what sobriety has done for you, she will easily see that Love and compassion within you and it will motivate her to stop as well...

I highly recommend yoga and you can find lessons for free on you tube or vimeo.

Good luck on your road to recovery and may you find peace and happiness along the way!

God Bless

What a lovely post Bob and Thank You. I would like to think my sobriety would inspire my daughter but she seems to be stuck in a Pity Party, my success makes her feel a failure. I don't believe addiction is a disease of the mind, I believe it is emotionally charged. Hence my drinking became a problem when my daughter became a drug addict, although I am going to now contradict myself and say that glass of red I wanted, I didn't dare try but then my daughter is still an addict so that emotional charge is still there. I just don't know her emotional charge, she won't tell me and the one time with a counsellor she cried so hard she never went back. I think maybe there is just a 'Its my time' Amateur Theories at best lol. God Bless you too Bob.

Sounds like a good time away. Glad you did that. These are the memories that your grandson will cherish.
The physical changes are amazing after I stopped drinking. Although I began to take much better care of myself with exercise and healthy diet. Drink nearly a gallon of water a day.
I like the brighter eyes observation. That flicker of light gets brighter as I learn more about myself. I had made a life of going through the motions and that dulled me. I have been reading a book by the Dali Lama and in one of his meditations he visualizes a human skull with the empty eye sockets. It’s a powerful remembrance that the miracle of life allows me to see out of that space and to embrace it. The healthier I am in my spirit the less those eyes are dark. It’s amazing to me to watch them change daily. Mine get clear blue when I’m at a higher level and deeper blue when I’m more emotional.
I picked up my wife at the airport yesterday. Five months apart and it’s been quite an experience. After 30 years together we both needed to step back and decide what we want. I’ve come to realize that I put too much energy into keeping the relationship going. She’s been suffering from extreme sleeplessness for over two years and it’s worn her down. I’m amazed that she’s still sane actually. So we’re going to stay close friends without expecting anything. I have to focus on where my life is going from here and she may not have it in her to continue a relationship. I have always done the cooking and most chores and shopping so that part is fine to be on my own. I miss the intimacy and have to have faith that I will have that again. For now she’s staying with a friend across the river. Just a short ferry ride away. We went to dinner last evening and had a lovely time. She had guilt about not being equally invested and believes that I should move on. I love her deeply however and am in no hurry to give up. Time will tell.
Your daughter and mine can never meet. They would be quite the enabling pair I’m afraid. I’m going to meet with her counselor at the clinic to sign a statement that I will pay for the first month rent at a sober house. She went to a month rehab to prepare for this before Covid and just did a week of follow up as she didn’t have a room available to her. So it’s a good chance for her to start picking herself up. Keeping a job is going to be a big challenge. And not being tempted with having some money more so.
I think you have the longest running post in the history of this site:) which I’m a co conspirator of, I suppose. You can PM me anytime if you want but this is fine too. IDK maybe it will help someone? Enjoy your wine free evening. Sparkling grape juice?