I did something criminal a month ago that scared the life out of me. I have not drank alcohol since this event. After the incident, I was in a hotel room for two weeks, strongly considering suicide. I came very close to it several times.
My whole drinking life flashed before my eyes and I was so ashamed. I wanted to die because I felt I was worthless. Still do. My question is, how can I start forgive myself for 18 years of being a fraud? A liar. I knew I had a problem ten years ago, but never really accepted until this event that I can never drink in moderation. Never. I am terrified of alcohol at this point because of this event. The problem is, I am 43 years old, never really had any significant sober time under my belt, and now have done something that will effectively end my life.
I don't see a way out of this other than giving up. I didn't kill anyone or hurt a person or steal from anyone or anything like that, but if and when I am charged, my life will essentially be over.
I am ashamed for not accepting I was an alcoholic ten years ago and all that has happened because of not doing that.
I’m curious how everyone starts or ends their day. I know some people swear by their routine. What advice do you have for us beginners?
Have noticed that there hasn’t been many posts lately so I thought I would open a dialogue. A year and a half sober and I feel whole. When I passed a year last fall it was good but this 18 month mark feels better. More solid. It’s amazing, but it took this long for the dust to settle, so to speak. The process of gaining control of my mind has been intense and hugely rewarding. By far the...